To not have invited my friend’s girlfriend to the wedding?

[PlusOneThousand]

We sent out wedding invitations a month ago for our wedding in the early summer. A friend of mine (and now my partner’s) of around a decade has been invited, but his girlfriend, whom he’s been with for approx 2 years, has not. The rationale is that I’ve never actually met her - I see him quite regularly but she always makes excuses or drops out at the last minute. This must’ve happened on around 10 occasions, so I stopped asking and she’s never made any effort. They don’t live together. Our friendship has changed a bit as a result and I do see him less often but we still have a good time when we do.

Onto the wedding… my wedding is not small but we have struggled a bit with numbers and also had a mental rule that while there may be some instances where one of us had not met a guest, if neither bride nor groom had met the +1, we were minded not to invite them unless there were extenuating circumstances.

My friend is actually fine with this and was very understanding - and I said if we got some declines and there was space I’d consider inviting GF closer to the time.

Apparently the woman is so incensed by the lack of invite that there’s no point even inviting her later. She is completely outraged because he was invited as a +1 to a wedding of her friend’s (who I obviously don’t know! Not sure how it’s relevant). So - was I BU to not invite her?

This woman closed the door on the friendship herself, by bailing every time op tried to meet her. She can’t have it both ways.

I kind of get where you’re coming from and in most cases we have invited both parts of couples, but to be honest I think the fact that neither of us has met her tipped the balance for me.

I would add that I’ve been with my fiancé 7 years and have been invited to a few weddings without him (as recently as last year), I personally wasn’t hugely upset by this as in both cases he didn’t know the bride or groom and I went with mutual friends.

It’s perfectly fine for you to not invite somebody you do not know to your wedding.

I cannot even imagine throwing a fuss over somebody else’s guest list especially when I had made zero effort to meet the marrying couple.

If your friend was, say, a colleague from work and you just hadn't met their wife then I would definitely invite her as a +1.

However, this seems different as he is a friend and you've tried to meet her on a number of occasions but she keeps declining!

Therefore, it's your choice if you invite her! She has no right to be annoyed!

You are absolutely nbu. My mil pushed for us to invite 2 girlfriends of family friends and they're now out of the picture but firmly stuck in our bloody wedding pictures forever. I should never have given in to it.

I think I'd always try to include a +1 on someone's invitation if at all possible, but if she really has cancelled on you that many times in the past, I can see why you wouldn't bother in this particular case! I don't think YABU and even if you had been a bit of a dick, her response would be way too dramatic and disproportionate. If I were in her situation, I might think 'Wait, am I not invited as his +1? Bit harsh. Oh well' and then would think about it for precisely zero further seconds.

This!

I think if they don’t live together it’s ok.

I wouldn’t go unless my partner was invited as well , weddings are hard work and easier if your with someone

It’s fine , they don’t even live together and you don’t know her . If they lived together I think I’d have invited her though .

Well he goes to any other event with the OP without plus one, as she refuses to meet them!

I think people who are saying you should invite are missing that she has seriously gone out of her way to not meet you. Why would anyone invite her in those circumstances? Why would she go?

Normally I would say it's a bit rude not to invite a plus one but not in this case as she has rejected lots of opportunities to meet you.

I’d say you were being unreasonable but she has declined and backed out of all your invitations. You’ve put effort into trying to meet her and get to know her and she hasn’t bothered at all. I wouldn’t invite her either.

Although you may as well have, judging her past behaviour she wouldn’t have gone anyway. Now she gets to play poor old me and spin the narrative that makes you seem like the unreasonable one.

I feel sorry for your friend. Has she met any of his friends?

I would have invited her out of respect and consideration for your friend. 🤷‍♀️

Out of five of us, she has met one by accident and another by choice. The rest she refuses to meet. I am baffled by it - there’s no backstory, I’ve been with my partner 7 of the 10 years I’ve known the guy.

Personally I would never have invited a friend to my wedding and not invited their long term partner (which at two years she is).

Just ignore her. Life's too short. Your friend is fine with coming on his own, as he usually does when he spends time with you.

Well, she has form for dropping out so you'd lose whatever you're paying per head for her and also, they don't even live together, so she' just a gf, NOT a partner.

Don't worry about it

I get your logic, but personally I would have invited my good friend’s partner of 2 years. I would do this for my friend, not for his partner’s sake.

She doesn't have any respect or consideration for his friend (the bride) does she?

Why would you want to go to the wedding of your boyfriends friends that you have consistently refused to even meet, let alone make friends with?

Why would you have someone neither of has ever met at your wedding?

There was one person at my wedding ( kind of vague friend of husband) that I didn't know and I was mildly irritated by it.

No way some randomer who had multiple chances to meet us would have made it!

Well once you are satisfied.

I personally would not leave out the partner, from a ten year friendship.

Unless we were actually an enemy.

Yabu. Bad form to invite a person and not a plus one. I would not attend alone if I was your friend but then again I am not and your friend is happy with it so who cares what the partner thinks?

YANBU. People on here get a bit weird about wedding invites though, and plus ones. I don’t know how they imagine single people attend any event ever tbh.

But that aside; I have been to so so many weddings, with multiple different groups of friends/ family and there has never been any sort of kick off regarding invites/ lack there of. I’ve been to weddings where there were abundance of plus ones, because there was the space and finances to do as such. And ones where they were very limited due to venue, so some people came without partners because they weren’t close to the bride and groom. Can’t remember anyone not having a good time either way. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Well he should 🤣