Family holiday

[Aliceinwonder1]

Hi, my parents are keen to go on a big family holiday with me and my husband/2 kids, my sister and her family (3 kids) and also my brother and his family (2 kids). I wonder what the norm is in terms of cost with this as we've done UK weekends here and there but never an abroad holiday. Reason I ask is my mum has said she wants to go to one particular country as short flight etc (kids all similar age and youngest is currently 5) and wants to go during school holidays. 2 couples wouldn't be restricted to this so don't necessarily want to pay the very high cost during school holidays. However my mum is adamant it's happening and this is when/where...I feel that you can only dictate that if paying (we'd all be paying for ourselves) as it would be everyone's holiday. My sister is saying we just need to make it happen and my brother is on the fence but also won't want to pay stupidly high prices.
What's the general consensus here though?

Your mum needs to fit in with what works for the whole group, not just her! Does she have form for this sort of control?

Well, cost depends, we are a family of 5 and this years holiday to turkey is £10500.

Would i be dictated to, nope. Would i go into potential debt to go, nope,

If the youngest is 5 why aren't you all restricted to school holidays? Are some home schooled?

Your mum can't dictate when and where a holiday is happening. If she's inflexible on dates and location the most she can do is invite everyone. Whether they go or not is up to them. However, assuming you're the ones who aren't restricted to school holidays, if you're wanting to attend a big family holiday then you'll just have to suck up the cost.

I agree with you. If mum wants to dictate the timing, destination and wants everyone to come she should be paying. If everyone is paying for themselves then everyone’s opinion should count equally.

Kind of yes. It's difficult because I don't necessarily expect to be paid for but equally I would spend thousands on the type of holiday being talked about but that's what it will cost and we've just been told we'll it's happening you're coming. Which would be fine to say if she was then paying (again not expecting that but just saying if you want all the choice you have to financially support it).

Yeah no chance can we pay that! I appreciate they're expensive it's just the way it has been presented I guess

Yeah i would just say, sorry guys we are out this year as thats too expensive, have a great time xx

There's 2 families who don't want to do the school holidays. It would be great to just suck up the cost however neither family can necessarily do that based on how much they are coming out at unfortunately

Yes you need to grey rock "we aren't able to come. Our budget for that trip is only £x"

8 adults and 7 kids? Sounds like a recipe for the most stressful 'holiday'!

That's how I feel. And I am more than happy to hold hands up and say sorry can't afford this but you all have a great time. However it then becomes us being difficult so it's hard.

Well something's got to give, hasn't it! And tbh, since you do really need to go in school holidays, if all the DC are over 5, then some compromise on location will have to be made so that everyone can afford to go. Otherwise, the family holiday isn't going to happen. Personally, I think your DM needs to back down on location of her choice and be a bit more flexible.

My view is that it's an invitation not a summons and people can join or stay home.

That doesn't sound like a holiday.

We are looking now and Balearics are coming in 7k 2 weeks for 2 adults and 2 kids.

Your mum is being unreasonable. She can’t just dictate (especially as she’s not the one paying), everything needs to be agreed on by all parties. You/others just need to say “sorry mum, it’s a nice idea but we can’t afford/don’t want to spend that amount of money, we would be happy to go for something more affordable.” You all need to
stand up to her and be firm.

Problem is my family will think we're being difficult and can afford it (they don't know our finances and it's purely their assumption)

In which case they just need to say no. Your mum will either be willing to adapt or she won't.

Maybe a one time dilemma then LOL

I know it's crazy the prices now isn't it

Your mum has suggested a holiday to a specific destination at a specific time. Those of you it doesn't suit just need to say "count us out mum, it's too expensive". She and the sibling with the school age DC can then go ahead if they want to.

Just because you could afford it doesn’t mean you want to spend the money on it. Technically we could afford much flashier cars, for example, but we don’t want to spend our money in that area, we’d rather save more.

You need to be straight with your parents that despite what they think you can't afford it.

Thank you all for responding. I didn't think I was unreasonable but I'm often made out to be the difficult one as tend to focus on what works for us as opposed to bending constantly. However I think paying £4000 or more for a holiday I haven't chosen is more than bending LOL
Will see how it all pans out. Not quite sure how it will go but I've got no problem them all going if we can't afford it- it's just life in my opinion but it's always made out we're doing something to be difficult so probably gets my back up a bit!

Exactly this.

My household are going on holiday this year. We've picked the date and location that works for us. We've also since extended the invite to our wider families, but there's no discussion about any of it.. they've been invited on our holiday. If they don't want to or can't go then that's fine, we're still going. It's very different to deciding on a family holiday and planning it together.

You can pay it and go, or say no. Maybe your mum will change her mind.

Does your Mum actually realise how much it will cost? Can you get her to.price up her chosen holiday so she can see it might be out of reach?