Family holiday

[Aliceinwonder1]

Hi, my parents are keen to go on a big family holiday with me and my husband/2 kids, my sister and her family (3 kids) and also my brother and his family (2 kids). I wonder what the norm is in terms of cost with this as we've done UK weekends here and there but never an abroad holiday. Reason I ask is my mum has said she wants to go to one particular country as short flight etc (kids all similar age and youngest is currently 5) and wants to go during school holidays. 2 couples wouldn't be restricted to this so don't necessarily want to pay the very high cost during school holidays. However my mum is adamant it's happening and this is when/where...I feel that you can only dictate that if paying (we'd all be paying for ourselves) as it would be everyone's holiday. My sister is saying we just need to make it happen and my brother is on the fence but also won't want to pay stupidly high prices.
What's the general consensus here though?

Surely when booking a family holiday it’s a case of everyone saying how much they want to spend. Everyone highlighting things that are “a must” and others that are a “would like” and finally a “can’t” and then there’s a level of discussion and compromise until everyone is equally happy with the final decision.

This. I want my DGC on holiday with me so I'm paying for DD, SiL
and 2 dgc and I've paid for dgc passports too. It's the first time DGC have come on holiday with me and I'm really excited to make it special. Your Mum should take everyone's preference into account and you should all sit down together and choose somewhere together that you can all afford.

Don't forget to factor into the cost of the holiday the school fines for each child if you go on holiday in term time.

Out of interest how much would people pay for a 7 bedroom house in Brittany about 15 mins from a sandy beach and 10 mins walk into a nice little market town? In the school summer holidays?

Can you price up a Villa somewhere with cheap flights as a compromise?

I feel for you @Aliceinwonder1

I'm a grandparent and we had had an opportunity last year for a 'grand' family holiday with free (distant family) accommodation. It had to be during school holidays so flights were mega expensive.

Dh and I paid for all the compliated car hire while we were away (didn't disclose to dcs how expensive that was), we subsidised some of the flight costs for the families that were struggling (not openly, but by getting block bookings and we paid for all the luggage, seat choice, plane food, fast boarding - ds paid the cost of their family flight only tickets). dh and I paid the domestic extras on the free house - laundry, cleaning etc.

Then when we were on holiday we all shared the food costs equally, whether eating in or out.

For our dcs I think it felt like an expensive holiday, but well worth it to be all together, and I think they felt they all contributed.

dh and I look at our total bills and feel pale and sweaty!!

But the reality is that our dcs could not have afforded that holiday if they had paid their exact share - the cost of hold luggage and pre-booked plane seats would have taken one family out of the equation!

It was a one off, we won't be doing it again. But as a couple, as parents, as grandparents, it was worth it.

Maybe, sometime in my dotage, they will take me out for a wee sherry and an afternoon tea!

We're a family of 5 too (kids age 10/15/17) and for that total cost this year we will be having 2 short foreign city breaks in Prague and Barcelona, a UK weekend (possibly 2) and a week 5* in Turkey in October. I could not bring myself to pay that much for just one holiday.

I've no idea as it has been a while since we went there but it sounds absolutely delightful! It has also made we want to look at villas in an area like that as near a beach and market town sounds brilliant.

It's about 800 metres from a National forest with green route for cycling and walking too. Green route goes into town one way and other direction.into forest.

I’d need another holiday to get over that holiday 😱

We do have other holidays but this is our "big holiday" we have every year and the costs vary depending on what we can afford that year so some years its £7k and this year happens to be more.

I sympathise op.

We are seen as the difficult ones because we can't afford thousands on holidays or want to spend hours on end travelling (young children/additional needs) to suit others. So we just declined as no one was willing to compromise. We now don't get invited to anything (which suits us fine,much better than the endless we can't afford chat and awkwardness)

It sounds like it wouldn't even be a very enjoyable holiday anyway. Just decline and do the holidays you want.

Big Family holidays sound great but the reality often is everyone's arguing or unhappy with the routine/set up.

If the rest of you have to go in school holidays they can't come then. I really think that your choice of destination should be agreed by everybody, why should you spend money on a holiday you don't want to go on?

If you want a family holiday with school age children, then surely you should go during the school holidays. I'm not a stickler for school attendance by any means but generally speaking parents shouldn't be taking their kids out of school to go on holiday.

Your mum is being unreasonable to insist on going somewhere £££ though. If going during the school holidays means what you can afford is a week in a caravan at Boring-On-Sea rather than a fortnight's 5* all inclusive abroad, then that's just tough, hopefully you'd all still enjoy spending some family time together.

Sounds gorgeous 😍 is this your place or somewhere you use?

That's the problem with the travel companies hiking prices in school holidays.... it doesn't stop there. As a group of all adults some are in education and so we're all obliged to pay higher prices if we want to go together during holidays. Frankly this year I've said thanks, hope you have a nice time, but no thanks.

‘Thanks for the invite but that doesn’t work for us. Have a super time’

repeat over and over.

no one can dictate to you how and where and with whom you spend your holidays.

you are not being ‘difficult’ you are living your life authentically to your financial means.

my family (me, dh and kids) holiday is precious to me. Whether we camp in the uk or fly to see Santa at the north pole. It is our family time and I wouldn’t want to miss out on that .

having done wider family holidays - I always find them fraught with difficulties.

Getting a decision made when so many adults there is a nightmare - as everyone faffs about or one person turns into a dictator s as nd winds everyone else up.

accommodating all the kids bedtimes without looking like an ogre (‘oh let them stay up -don’t be mean….’ so then next day they are overtired and grumpy)

accommodating everyone’s food preferences / allergies / dietary needs and eating at times that works for everyone…

keeping enough of a routine so kids don’t go skywards which others think is ott;

someone always ducks out of sharing the costs fairly or doesn’t chip in do you end up resentfully subbing them to try and keep the peace…

you say you don’t want to join in - ‘they’re sulking’ - no I just want to do my thing and you do yours - we don’t have to do EVERYTHING together..

you need a UN peacekeeping task force at hand trying to keep everyone in check - in my opinion - family group holidays just don’t work - yes there are fond memories of 5 mins splashing in the pool etc when everyone got on - but most of it is pure stress and you try to bend over backwards to accommodate everyone why everyone judges each other for what they are / are not doing.

I would stay well away from it and let them judge you to be ‘difficult’ and enjoy your annual holiday with your family where you want and can afford to go in peace!!!!