So disappointed how life turned out for me and how to find hope

[Outchy]

I am really struggling with how my life turned out. I have two teens. Both have complex needs. One will need lifelong 24/7 care, one could have been something (extremely bright) but due to a complete let down by Camhs and education, they are now at home, suicidal and without a school place (no places in the radius of 90 mins drive) and unable to sit GCSEs (and therefore no A-level/further education either). both will be a lifelong strain on the system. I studied hard at school and uni and got a good degree but had to give yo work to care for DC1 many years ago and only managed some low paid part time roles. My time is now mainly spend with caring for DC1 when not at college and being at home all day with DC2 as I cannot leave him alone for too long due to poor MH. I am not getting on with H. He is just going to work and ignoring me largely. Financially, it's not great for me either as I only have access to carers allowance, PIP and DLA for the DC and child benefit but need to cover 50% of the household expenses (we don't pool the money, H is refusing). I am just so hopeless and frustrated and don't know what the point is. I want DC2 in school but no places are available (LA stalling the finalisation of the EHCP and aren't responding to emails). I want more support for DC1 so I can get a break. I want to return to work full time to rebuild my career so I am financially independent - only 50 and still have a long time to go until retirement. But instead, I am trapped into caring every waking hour. Because the DC need so much support and H is not part of the team, I cannot see friends. In fact, I don't have any friends left. I don't have siblings and my parents are not around anymore. There is noone.

I just want a life. I cannot be the only one who deals with all these things. Some people shoulder a lot more but I am reaching a point where I feel I cannot go on much further. What is the whole point. I get joy out of nothing. This is not the life I wanted, not for myself but especially so sad about DC2 (who could have been something provided he had an education) but even that won't happen. Fighting the system is pointless. I am completely worn down by it.

I really need to pick myself up but I don't know how.

It was several weeks the last time I knew.

We employed a well known SEN lawyer for 2 tribunals and an appeal. The lawyer will tell you … LEA, CSC, can be 100% dishonest. The panel will always accept the “professionals” opinion over a parent’s.

@Geekers I didn’t deny LAs lie. Of course they do. Often. SENDIST considers evidence. It isn’t enough for parents to just present their opinion. That is where cases fall down. This is why, if you appeal, you should consider if you need independent medico-legal assessments. Representation can only work with the evidence available, which is why representations shouldn’t be at the expense of professional assessments.

Didn’t I mention the expert witnesses we brought … Ed Psych, Social Worker and person from preferred school ? The LEA said … thief one crappy school meets the needs….
They presented new info on the day, not in the bundle which is “not allowed”
The were well schooled in being underhanded lying sacks of scum. They spend buckets on legal advice on how to effectively ruin on case on the day. Which is why the appeal which you know, costs more money.

If you had professional evidence, it wasn’t parental opinion, which is what you stated in your pp.

LAs lying, using underhand tactics and having representation doesn’t mean it isn’t worth appealing or knowing the law though. It is. Despite LAs lying, using underhand tactics and spending extortionate sums of money on representation (often against unrepresented parents) they lose the vast, vast majority of cases.

There are times in a tribunal, when a parent is asked to speak.
Then council, say, a social worker, who has turned up at tribunal never having met your child says you are wrong about child’s needs being typical of their genetic diagnosis. You have had child since birth, know quite a bit about the diagnosis.
SW disagrees. Never having met. Their opinion has more weight.

Any more questions? Jeez.

I haven’t asked you any questions! Bizarre you think I have.

Yes, parents get the opportunity to speak and present their case, but it isn’t enough for parents to just present their opinion. Cases are decided on evidence, not parental opinion. Presenting your case is not just about giving your parental opinion.

Pedantic aren’t you, I’m sure OP valuing your experience and pedantry.

My opinion continues to be …. Be aware that LEA, SW & their cohorts are mainly concerned with doing as little as possible for children in need of EHCP. They are not working for your child. They’re working for their paycheck. They will fight dirty.

It is not pedantic to point out what I have. Most appeals are upheld. However, some parents who have lost, lose cases they could have won because they misunderstand the process and rely too heavily on parental opinion rather than referencing evidence and relying on evidence.

Again, I haven’t denied LAs play dirty, act in underhand ways, lie &/or act unlawfully. They do. Often.

And the fact the LAs play dirty, act in underhand ways, lie &/or act unlawfully is exactly why knowing the law is helpful, not ‘useless’. Knowledge is power.