Would you leave a class WhatsApp due to a "mole"

[PsychoHacker]

I have one DC so I'm not very experienced with this sort of thing. I'm trying to work out if this is a non issue or if I have a right to be miffed.

There's a unofficial WhatsApp chat for DC's class. I've found it pretty useful as I don't have any other DC and this is my first rodeo with a child in school.

For a while now I've suspected that someone has been "feeding back" the chat to the school. The reason being that any time something is discussed, there seems to be a notice posted within a few hours, discussing exactly what was said in the chat.

I've not really given it too much thought as there is never anyone being malicious or saying anything bad about the school however there has been a few minor rants regarding the usual things like homework or school events etc.

There was a specific topic discussed recently that had nothing to do with the school, and there's no way the school would have any knowledge of it unless someone told them. Again nothing malicious however this really confirmed the "mole" theory for me.

Last week someone in the chat basically "outed" themselves as a friend of the teachers. Fine, doesn't make much of a difference to anyone however the more I think of it, the more uncomfortable it makes me.

Why would anyone feel the need to go running to the school with every little detail posted in this chat? Most of the topics are nonsense. Are they trying to score brownie points? Isolate themselves from the other parents? I just don't understand the thought process behind it.

I think I'll need to leave the chat as it's making me rather uncomfortable that someone is sharing my messages and input without my permission. Such a shame as the chat has been very helpful with keeping me informed with events and anything else school related. Wwyd?

That's not okay and I would have fed that sort of thing back to the school/parent myself.

This.

OP is new to it all and on the basis of this Op…. Expect many a thread from this OP over the coming years!

Isn’t it good that the school know some parents think the amount of festive activities is excessive, so they can consider whether to cut back on them next year? You don’t say what the homework chat was about, but if it was e.g. "this homework took my child a very long time" or "why wasn't last week's homework ever marked", isn’t it good for the school to know? Even the "mundane shit" must have some relevance to the school, or they wouldn't mention it later. (Presumably the mundane shit wasn’t about Tesco having a special offer on tinned tomatoes.)

I really don’t understand why you’re regarding feedback to the school about parents' concerns as anything other than positive and to be welcomed. How can the school change things parents don’t like if they don’t know about them? If the chat isn’t negative, what possible harm is there? It’s not as if it’s a private chat between friends, being reported to outsiders.

As for the comments about "teacher's pets" or "scoring points" or currying favour etc., they seem truly pathetic to me. People who have such an "us and them" attitude to schools must have a very big chip on their shoulder. The truly sad thing is that they are probably encouraging their children to have the same attitude.

Just be a reader not a poster.

If you need to post then just simple, non contentious, questions.

Don't get involved in squabbles etc.

If someone is reporting back to the school then they feel that some contents, tales are going too far.

Never put anything on a group WhatsApp chat that you wouldn’t be happy for everyone to see.

I agree. The class WhatsApp isn't the appropriate place to complain about issues.

We always had Facebook & nothing negative was ever posted - it was just reminders about events & messages about things going on (like school play info, reminders about non uniform etc)

I think headteachers have to have a handle on this in order to protect staff. I don't know what job you do, but would you be comfortable with a group of adults complaining about how you do your job? We're all human & even head & deputy heads will make the wrong decision at times. Just speak to them 1-1?

Is it from..... Rebecca Vardy's account.......?

@PsychoHacker

It's an unofficial chat so there's no rules.

I think schools are allowed to see what is being said. I don't know the law but WhatsApp for the whole class is surely something the school should be aware of?

I think people are weird. Our school occassionally sends out letters about "whatsapp rules" which always makes me roll my eyes - they can't control what is said on a whatsapp group. Particularly as they refuse to engage to support setting UP the whatsapp groups due to GDPR.

Having said that, there are sometimes inappropriate comments made that go beyond a slight bitch or moan. I've never been on one but the other class in DD's year group had that situation and the class rep jumped on it pretty quickly. It did, at some point, get escalated to the school who subsequently sent out a reminder again.

The thing i find weird is people exaggerating. DD's teacher this year is absolutely fabulous. I've known her for a while as she also taught DS. But she is MUCH tougher than the teacher they've had for the last few years and some of the parents didn't like that at first. I saw, I think, 2 messages saying something like, "ooh, Petey is complaining that Mrs Smith is quite strict ". Ie very few and also very light and I know this becuase I would have been in there defending her in a heartbeat if there'd been even a single genuinely negative comment. The woman singlehandedly got DS through primary school and is a hero in this house.

At parent evening, Mrs Smith and I were discussing how the additional structure of her classroom was really helping DD (and her BFF) and she mentioned that "apparently there had been complaints on the WhatsApp" and she was obviously really upset about it. So someone took a fairly light hearted comment and ran straight to the teacher who was then feeling really uncertain. Seemed so unnecessary and like shit stirring.

Haha we had someone send regular screenshots of the most minor things and school head (who was new to the role) was very sensitive. I never ever write anything even vaguely controversial but because I was in the group I was seen as involved. It really upset me at the time but dc are in secondary now and I look back laughing at the ridiculousness of some mums and the schools who allow them this level of involvement.

The headmistress in my DC school has her own secret WhatsApp chat, made up of moles from each class Whatsapp! Trust no one! 😵‍💫🤣

I’d stay in the group because you’ll get useful info from it, but I would have to say something about the mole. I’d just say something like - “Really weird the school seem to know about X, think we’ve got a mole in our midst” then post a jokey mole gif.

The schools are generally the ones that contact the parents to say if they wish to join the class whatsapp, then contact xyz

otherwise how would the admin of the group get all the parent phone number?

so in a way the school is involved in the set up

So someone took a fairly light hearted comment and ran straight to the teacher who was then feeling really uncertain. Seemed so unnecessary and like shit stirring.

This is what I mean, it's really unnecessary and feels like they are shit stirring.

Generally there is some overlap between teachers and parents in a school - such as some teachers also being parents and in the same friendship groups as the parents.

I'm not sure why you would leave the group - just bear in mind that you know the conversation on there is open and don't say anything you wouldn't be happy to say in public.

For wider gossiping / complaining ect talk to the parents you are close to in the class - on a positive note if you ever need to get constructive feedback heard by the school it seems posting it on this group will get you heard

No school involvement at all. Members are added by other members/friends/neighbours, School gate chat etc.

If you find it useful, stay on it, but keep in mind that it's a bit like a work email - absolutely nothing is private and things will make their way back to the school. Isn't it usually the class rep who organises the WhatsApp group? They are supposed to be the link between parents and the school, so it makes sense that they report issues back so that they can get resolved.

If you decide to stay in the group, don't join in when people are whinging or complaining and don't start or respond to any conversation that you wouldn't be happy for the entire school to know.

I've never been on any class WhatsApp groups for any of my children but if I was I just wouldn't comment I would read it and see if anything useful is posted but I wouldn't comment myself and if I did I would only comment if I'm happy for it to go back to the school.

So some poor parents, especially if they work and can’t do drop-off/pick-up themselves, and aren’t "in the gang", might get totally left out? How horrible.

If I were you I'd be remaining pretty silent on there other than to infuse / drip feed information you WANT to go back. eg cost of badged school uniform issues. Or safe walk to school routes. Or lack of inclusivity of the non collect from school gate parents

tDon't even get me started on this. Our school refuses to do this as they see it as a GDPR breach. Which means that setting up the whatsapp groups is a massive pain in the bum although it gets easier over the years as everyone's numbers are saved. Meanwhile, new parents are left floundering becuase the school won't/can't tell them about the whatsapp group.

And then, after all that, our school still things they have a say in what is shared in the whatsapp. Drives me crazy.

But then, I concede that our school's single biggest failure, in my opinion, is it's complete inability to understand the modern world. They did ZERO online teaching in Covid because of "safeguarding".

Your children are at a shite school

Schools can't hand out parents phone numbers/details, so can't set up these groups.

Indeed
but what they generally do is email the parents and say if you wish to join the class WhatsApp group, please contact XYZ parent

Many schools have a code of conduct for parents which you agree to when sending your child there, which will include rules about not being abusive about school/staff on social media

If I'd had the choice to move them in Covid, I would have. It was absolutely appalling (and the hangover in terms of how parents feel about the school has been, unsurprisingly, huge).

Outside of Covid, and in real life, it's a perfectly good school, notwithstanding my frustration over their silliness with things like safeguarding and GDPR. For example, DS has some additional needs. The school needed to send me various bits of information. They refused to send it via email as they saw that as being "a GDPR or privacy breach risk" but theyd' happily stick it in an unsealed envelope in his school bag.... But the actual support he got in the classroom was excellent.

We have a new head. Will be very interesting to see how this particular issue is managed over the next few years.