Modern life is rubbish?

[MeanMrMustardSeed]

I’m not been immune to this myself, so not pointing fingers. I just keep seeing the same things on here again and again, and I’m coming to the conclusion that Blur were on to something.

We saw the dream of 2 incomes, and bigger houses and newer cars, eating out and foreign holidays. Then because we were all doing it, houses got more expensive. Then we needed two cars as we had two jobs and lots of activities for the kids, but we couldn’t save up for them, or afford them, so we took out leases on them. In the good old days of low interest rates we bought bigger houses, and took out loans for extensions and spent the rest on a family holiday.

Now we have expensive lifestyles but less disposable income. We’re tied into paying off loans that seemed manageable 5 years ago, paying £100s for cars that just don’t seem to do it for us anymore as almost every other person has one anyway. But mostly we’re knackered from trying to manage it all.

Lots of us seem to dream of getting rid of 50% of our things, eating the same simple meals every week, saving slowly for house improvements and living with ‘okay’, and getting off the treadmill, or at least slowing it down. If modern life made us all happy, I could maybe accept it’s all fine, but that’s not the vibe I’m getting.

So is modern life rubbish, or have I messed up somewhere?

I got into a lot of debt in my twenties trying to maintain a particular lifestyle. It was tough having to pay it back and since then I've learnt my lesson and could not give a fig what others have or how they live their lives.

I drive a car that's almost 15 years old. I don't drink, or spend unnecessarily on rubbish and have managed to save. Friends who spend a fortune on holidays/clothes/beauty treatments/new cars wonder how I've done it, like it's some miracle.

Absolutely! My reflections are very much about our society, rather than my specific life. But it wasn’t meant as a criticism of others, so I wanted to say that I wasn’t immune myself.

We are actually a 1 income family with a SAHP and 2 cars that are 8+ years old. We have never holidayed abroad since having children and have no debt. Our home is worth 4x our annual income.

We try to resist modern life quite a bit, but even so, we don’t manage it entirely.

But as I look around me and at what the DC are seeing modelled to them in society, I am wondering is Modern Life Rubbish? I know it’s not a binary answer, but in interested in all the responses so far.

You have more choice and freedom than you think OP.

Buying stuff to make us happy is fake soulfood.

With each passing year my life becomes simpler- and I love it that way.
I have an old- but well maintained - runaround car, but my annual mileage is very low.
I rarely buy new clothes- most of my wardrobe is from charity shops. I use simple cosmetics and make up- ALDI usually.
I cook from scratch, and I don't give a rat's arse if people judge me for how I look or how I live my life.

Also, I can highly recommend the Minimalists documentary and podcast. It's not just about material possessions, but more a way of life and living with less.

I totally take your point. It‘a actually a debate I have with DP a lot. He thinks the past is this beautifully simple and benign place. I think the present is better and getting better all the time, so I guess that goes against my point about Modern Life being Rubbish. The answer to my own question is evidently complicated!

Never felt pressure to keep up.

I love these guys!

I don’t think it’s rubbish. I think we are lucky to be here, in this time and place where we are easily able to live in a safe, clean environment. Most people who have ever lived never had such luxury.

I need to also remind myself of these points when I start moaning

Also, I didn’t think Modern Life is Rubbish was Blur’s best album. Much preferred Parklife

You are absolutely right, although I was an Oasis girl myself!

Decide your priorities and stick to them. For us it is experiences (and yes this includes what other people would regard as expensive holidays), time with our kids and nice food. Our house is smaller than lots of people’s and our car is getting old. But we know what we care about and prioritise that

I think you are being very binary. But I can also understand that like most people these days, you are likely exhausted by the CoL, the terrible news cycle and the neverending pissing rain. Personally, I would feel stressed trying to support 4 kids on one income.

I am nearly 50 and have lived in the same area all my life, so can compare it to the 80s and 90s. The biggest change I have noticed is the sheer number of people. This is basically a market town with the population of a small city crammed into it. When I started catching the bus to my sixth form college, in 1994, everywhere seemed so much calmer and quieter. Now the fields have been replaced by disgusting new build housing estates with endless rabbit hutches squeezed on top of one another. The traffic is also infinitely worse. In fact, we can’t be far away from booking time slots to use the roads.

Modern life is too crowded, too noisy and too fast-paced, and it’s making us all ill. Life has always been hard. But when people had a bad day, or were struggling to cope with trauma, they could go for a walk and be alone with nature. The peace and quiet and natural beauty would soothe and restore them. Good luck trying that today. Even if you could find some little spot where you could be alone, you’d hear the screeching and exploding of some boy racer idiot in the distance.

It depends who your friends are. I have plenty of “alternative” type friends who couldn’t give two shits about having a nice car and going on expensive holidays. Most of my good friends work to live not live to work.

I am on facebook and don't see any of that crap.

depends what you compare it to - modern life is good for nearly everyone compared to nearly every point in history. But, it's not as good for some people as it has been at certain points in history. The biggest problem I feel is a general lack of optimism worldwide. Most generations have, broadly speaking, had a better life than the previous one - at the moment, it feels like this generation and subsequent ones aren't going to progress as much as their forebears.

Sadly, I don't really know what the answer is...

Do people really want to "keep up with" others? This is honestly something I've never felt at all, in fact it's more been that I want to downplay/understate success. My family/friends take the piss if people spend lots, very much "tall poppy syndrome" I guess.

The UK is highly consumerist, which doesn’t help.

But yes, nowadays I value a simple life with less a lot more. Whenever I go back home (I’m from a rural area) I see it very differently than how I did growing up.

In my case, I took a good look at myself and decided what I want and how I want things. And what I can actually do about it. I’m not going to sit here singing the virtues of frugality, that’s not the point, but I ask myself all the time: is this ok with me? Does this make me content? Does this allow me to sleep at night? Is this serving my child/family/friends/me?

I had/have to make a series of decisions based on several algorithms, and that doesn’t leave much space for the Joneses and their Range Rover. Equally, how I present myself is how the others see me, I am aware of it. I know which tribes I want to belong to, and if I wanted to be in a different tribe, I would have done it, but I don’t. Do I want to give ‘well off’ vibes? Nope. Do I want to come across as someone who’s got their shit together? Yup. My standard of life is that, MY standard. I think it’s fun to have a Louis Vuitton bag, but I wouldn’t be seen dead with one, it’s not my thing. I’m not saying my choice is better, or that I couldn’t afford one, I’m saying it’s not my choice, not my thing, and I’m absolutely OK with that.

I also don’t think I’m entitled to anything.

A few months ago I was talking at the school gate about a local community centre which operates as a charity shop. I mentioned that I buy all my shirts there in a five for £2 deal - the school run is a 30 minute walk each way twice a day and I sweat like a pig, so they do a good job.

Another parent looked at me as if I was something she had stepped in. I know from her mother, who usually does the pickups, that her household income is about a quarter of ours. Her son is the sweetest kid ever, the kind of kid I'd happily adopt if he needed it. But he goes to school on non-uniform days in Prada trainers and tracksuits, with strict instructions not to play football at break because the shoes and clothes have to be returned so can't be scuffed. He's miserable.

How can people choose to live like this?

You haven’t messed up, like you ,I did exactly the same but not to keep up with anything or anyone but just because we could easily afford it . Now , business being screwed up by the government, interest rates going up , etc not so much affordable anymore, just trying to stay above water, cut the holidays/expenses to a minimum and try to ride it out but is stressful

Yeah, exactly. I don't earn much more on average than minimum wage, but I don't have to work very hard or very often. I have a decent four bedroom house in a fairly cheap area that I can easily afford repayments on. I drive a basic but reliable car that's eleven years old that I've owned outright since it was new. I don't go on holidays much but I regularly go hiking in stunning Scottish scenery, staying for free in bothies. I don't spend much on booze or clothes, and I'm not on social media so I don't care what anyone else is doing, or have a need to prove anything to anyone.

My life is great.

The same thing happened in the 80s. Massive housing bubble. Easy access to finance, people taking 2nd and 3rd loans on their homes to buy all the latest stuff, rip out perfectly good kitchens and bathrooms etc. Then it all crashed in the most horrible way.

I think people learned the lessons from that time, but many certainly didn't pass that learning on to their kids.

Absolutely this...we both earn 6 figures...girls went through private school...both drive 6+ years old cars. We just don't to materialistic....seafront house mortgage free...but live pretty frugally. One has a degree from major uni, one worked from 18 then degree later on, but have both always worked, full time (apart from maternity leave), it's tough but get on with it. Younger generation just can't be arsed..'oh it's so hard...mwah' jeez .....

Hmm. Lots of frugal living back slapping on this thread. We had one basic car and finally upgraded. My god our new car is lovely! Really improved my quality of life daily wish had done it sooner.