Modern life is rubbish?

[MeanMrMustardSeed]

I’m not been immune to this myself, so not pointing fingers. I just keep seeing the same things on here again and again, and I’m coming to the conclusion that Blur were on to something.

We saw the dream of 2 incomes, and bigger houses and newer cars, eating out and foreign holidays. Then because we were all doing it, houses got more expensive. Then we needed two cars as we had two jobs and lots of activities for the kids, but we couldn’t save up for them, or afford them, so we took out leases on them. In the good old days of low interest rates we bought bigger houses, and took out loans for extensions and spent the rest on a family holiday.

Now we have expensive lifestyles but less disposable income. We’re tied into paying off loans that seemed manageable 5 years ago, paying £100s for cars that just don’t seem to do it for us anymore as almost every other person has one anyway. But mostly we’re knackered from trying to manage it all.

Lots of us seem to dream of getting rid of 50% of our things, eating the same simple meals every week, saving slowly for house improvements and living with ‘okay’, and getting off the treadmill, or at least slowing it down. If modern life made us all happy, I could maybe accept it’s all fine, but that’s not the vibe I’m getting.

So is modern life rubbish, or have I messed up somewhere?

I agree. We live in a lovely 3 bed semi with a garden and a drive, something a lot of people dream of who live in rented flats etc. but I feel like a failure, because I don't have a 4 bed detached with a garage, utility room, home office and kitchen extension.

I also have a fairly stable office job that has flexibility and lovely people, but it's only £30kpa so I feel like I'm a failure because I don't have the £70k pa job, and I've convinced myself I'm unhappy because of it.

None of these insecurities have come from instagram though they've all stemmed from MN. Hearing how the other half actually live is depressing!

High streets are full of nail bars, coffee shops, eyebrow places and fast food joints. None of these are essential. Ok, so it's 'only' a few quid each time but it adds up to hundreds or even thousands a year. And people don't notice, especially because they mostly just swipe a card rather than handing over cash.

100% and I have fallen in to that trap.

Luckily we haven't got the bigger house with bigger mortgage etc, as I chickened out, but we were very near to it before Christmas until we sat down and asked why? We don't need the bigger house, we just felt like we have to have it, because it was the done thing.

I earn £30k and feel like this is a pittance, when in reality, it's fairly average.

This is a very good point. I have friends dealing with just this. Reminds me of a lot of Louise Perry’s reflections.

I bought. Small holding and retired early to escape the rat race. I do my own thing now.

I listened once to an economics professor in the 80's talking about the introduction of credit cards.
The conclusion was that it's a good way for companies to have a regular income (intrest & min payments) and also tapping into people's future earnings.

Obviously this economic model has been taken to the extreme now, from mobile phone contracts to 40 year mortgages.

I agree with most of your post although I don't agree it's necessarily easier for independent for women- mainly because of the housing market - if you split and need to rent you have to jump through hoops and fit very specific criteria- even if you can pay 6 months up front it's not easy and unless you own and have a ton of equity or an incredibly high salary good luck with finding a house to buy that's suitable in many areas of the country or getting a mortgage.

Sorry I should have linked in @wherearemypastnames

Thank you so much @DragonScreeches for posting this.
I was very young at this time and the recession was awful.
3 million unemployed, job losses on a massive scale.
My neighbour killed himself due to the shame of losing his job and the house being repossessed due to debt.
On other threads it was minimised and scoffed at.

This has absolutely shaped my view of finances and " there's no such thing as a free lunch" springs to mind.
I also saw the effects of the 2008/9 crash.

Recently as others have said the Quantative Easing that the Tory government used to avoid a worse recession post 2008 has come home to roost.
Print money and sell it cheap-buy whatever you like!
" you would be a fool not too"
Those were the words of my colleague who spent 1K per shopping trip, once the CC was at its limit she swapped to another and then when unmanageable remortgaged.
Now the house has gone and the business went under.
Not everyone lost out though
People got on the housing ladder and had a good few years of cheaper mortgages.

Thanks for starting this thread Op

Yes I agree many of us have been suckered into thinking these physical things will make you happy but we should now know that's it's the quality of your relationships that matter.
It's within everyone's gift to opt out but will people decouple from consumerism? Probably not.

It's not only physical things, some of it is subscriptions to self improvement podcasts, botox, fillers, now weight loss injections( not knocking it!)

The over riding message to us
" you are not good enough"

Absolutely tapping into people's insecurities and exploiting them
Particularly women-we had the biggest con going in WW and SW with 1 in 600 achieving long term weight loss but it gave a sense of community and belonging.
That's the key I think, getting back to community whereas now everyone is so hostile as they all try to get up the ladder faster.
Dinner parties will make a come back!
You heard here first 😉

I agree, I don’t really know people who live in massive houses, drive posh cars or use private schools.

MN has definitely opened my eyes to how fancy and expensive lots of people’s lives are and I sometimes have to take a moment to stop myself before I begin to feel dissatisfied with my own life in comparison.

We aren’t struggling and I’m very grateful for what I have, but MN can be a real eye opener!

How many times on mumsnet do we see people saying 'I 'need ' a 4/5 bed detached' when buying up or divorcing or even getting a bigger social housing place. Same goes when talking about sex - constant talk about 'needs' ( especially men) - what they mean is 'wants' - their life won't end if they get a 3/4 bed semi or don't get as much sex as they 'want'

What they mean is I 'want' a 4 or 5 bed detached or sex twice a week minimum . I think many have lost the ability to differentiate between 'needs' and 'wants' - and feel hard done by if they can't constantly have what they want

There was an interesting discussion a few months ago about a man who said he couldn't afford to leave home.

Actually he could. We calculated how much he earned and how much it was to rent in the area.

People were arguing that he wouldn't be able to afford a nice house, so he couldn't move.

Many, many years ago one of the credit cards marketed itself with the line take the waiting out of wanting.

The pushing of consumer debt isn't a new thing but it has got worse. It seems that everything I look to buy online comes with the offer to spread the payments. Buy now, pay later.

But the waiting did serve a purpose. Time to look around, look for the best deal, look for the best version etc.

Buying too quickly does risk 'buyer regret'.

Agreed.

I left London three years ago and I feel so much better for it.

I live in a small town by the sea and I have a much more enjoyable pace of life.

I had some really bad health issues in the past five years and stress played a major part in that so I had to do something drastic to change my lifestyle.

I work part-time and then freelance the rest of the time.

I have stopped buying 'stuff' just for the sake of it and cut out the toxic people out of my life.

I live a very simple life and prioritise health and wellbeing over material things.

I think we have a poor quality of life in general in this country due to high housing costs, long working hours but generally poor wages that have not kept up with inflation, a cost of living crisis and a constant push for people to buy more and feel dissatisfied of with what they already have. That does not make for a happy, sustainable lifestyle...

I get exactly what you are saying and whilst changes are not always possible in the short term you can make positive steps. We chose a smaller less prestigious house than our income allowed to be mortgage free (in 50's) the bank were confused when we wanted a 5 year mortgage for £120k rather than the £580k over 20 years they were offering. His car is 20 years old, mine 7, both owned outright. We buy things outright, and I always have done even when low income, my first furniture was all hand me downs or charity shop. We love holidays but wouldn't dream of using a credit card to pay, never have. This financial tightness of mine caused friction in my former marriage because i wouldn't have coffee in tourist traps but it is allowing me to live happily, we take a task of coffee out, pack a picnic etc, simple life and debt free

@username299 exactly - my son was in a shared house from 2 days before he was18 -we have a great relationship but it was his choice - he wasn't doing Uni so felt that the shared house did at least give him the feel of living and socialising with others. We read about so many on here whose kids stay at home so they can 'save for a deposit' - but it seems with plenty it never kind of happens especially in the more expensive areas -they simply spend more and only move out once there are two of them contributing and can actually have a niceish flat or house ( bought or rented)

@mitogoshigg as I said in my earlier post this works 'if' you are both on the same page- years ago my H would have been ok with that - suddenly he wasn't- the minute he was earning good money he wanted the works!

@Crikeyalmighty I know. When I was a teenager we were chomping at the bit to move out. Now adults are living at home into their 30s saving up for a four bedroom house in Chelsea.

@Cattreesea

I don't actually think it's even housing costs per se that's the issue in the U.K., it is more that we perceive that anything smaller than a 4-5 bed detached house, any car older than 3 years, any clothes not bought recently etc etc are not good enough so use credit, in other countries apartment living is embraced (and consequently family sized apartments are built), less reliance on cars and less new car culture, buying a few good quality clothes that last and yes saving up to buy things. I think our (long term) exposure to American tv as fuelled much of the issue, you see people in normal everyday jobs depicted as living in mansions by European standards unless it's set in New York or other major city. We aspire towards that.

There's no pressure to keep with the others. Only if you decide that's what you want to do.

We have a 21 year old car but send our children to private school. We possibly have the worst and oldest car out of everyone at the school. We just don't care. It works, gets us from A to B and anyone who might judge we're not interested in being friends with.

We shop at Aldi. Our friends shop at Waitrose. Just do what you want and don't worry about other people.

I think it's also because we have had a consumer credit culture here for a lot longer than certainly most of Europe, and with having all the finance whizz-kids in the City new products and ways of peddling credit tended to see the light of day in the UK before taking over the rest of Europe.

It's for insomniacs only, but this is a paper about the financialisation of car consumption... essentially the motor industry has too much capacity and can only survive if people buy better specced, more expensive cars, more often than they need. PCPs were quite handy for that... who says there's no coherent industrial strategy?

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/13563467.2023.2254727#abstract

I think it's how you handle the pressure to keep up with the Joneses. That pressure has always been there. We have a small house, one car etc because for us we prefer to spend our money on going to gigs, shows and travel. I work part time in a job I really enjoy and I also get time to go and see my children's school.stuff etc. Our children also have been happy to not have the latest phone, not really into labels etc. for us we prefer experiences as opposed to possessions, that's how I was brought up also.

You are now meant to eat at least 30 different veg things per week, so having same food every day is also underperforming by modern standards. I am reading Less by Patrick Grant and some of what OP is lamenting is explained in the book, it’s capitalism - the rich makes us want more, so they can get even richer.