Modern life is rubbish?

[MeanMrMustardSeed]

I’m not been immune to this myself, so not pointing fingers. I just keep seeing the same things on here again and again, and I’m coming to the conclusion that Blur were on to something.

We saw the dream of 2 incomes, and bigger houses and newer cars, eating out and foreign holidays. Then because we were all doing it, houses got more expensive. Then we needed two cars as we had two jobs and lots of activities for the kids, but we couldn’t save up for them, or afford them, so we took out leases on them. In the good old days of low interest rates we bought bigger houses, and took out loans for extensions and spent the rest on a family holiday.

Now we have expensive lifestyles but less disposable income. We’re tied into paying off loans that seemed manageable 5 years ago, paying £100s for cars that just don’t seem to do it for us anymore as almost every other person has one anyway. But mostly we’re knackered from trying to manage it all.

Lots of us seem to dream of getting rid of 50% of our things, eating the same simple meals every week, saving slowly for house improvements and living with ‘okay’, and getting off the treadmill, or at least slowing it down. If modern life made us all happy, I could maybe accept it’s all fine, but that’s not the vibe I’m getting.

So is modern life rubbish, or have I messed up somewhere?

I completely get this, I’m mid thirties, we bought our first house mid twenties, house prices hadn’t shot up yet and mortgage rates were ok. We bought our family forever home in 2021, with a mortgage rate of 1.59% this rose to 4.79% last year…! We can afford it but it’s a lot tighter.

There is a pressure these days to have a certain lifestyle, I think this certain lifestyle makes you feel like you like you are achieving, you are doing life but yes I think maybe it comes down to social media, social circles? Most of my friends have nice homes, nice cars but are also in a sh*t load of debt and it’s openly talked about. They can afford to repay the debts but it is a lot of debt. We don’t have any debts but I would say we live beyond our means because we are living pay cheque to pay cheque. I love the idea of living a simple life but it is hard, I wouldn’t want to compromise by moving home now but maybe in the future. I think a lot of people in my age bracket will be caught up in the cheaper lending initially and now everything is much more expensive. I live on a new build estate where the average home is around £400k and most people here are young families. I am noticing a lot of houses going up for sale this year and I do wonder if it is where things were once affordable, they are not not or becoming less affordable…!

Personally I’ve never felt the need to keep up with what other people are doing, or felt pressure to conform to a particular lifestyle. So we have only one income, only one car, and a mortgage we can easily afford. I’ve always prioritised being here for my kids rather than spending all my time earning a second salary in order to buy SUVs, branded clothes and all inclusive Caribbean holidays. Nothing wrong with that if it’s what you want and brings you joy, but if it’s making you unhappy then it’s time to reassess.

I love hearing stories like this!

As I said, I’m not pointing fingers, as we have 2 cars and busier lives than we’d ideally want, but we have no debt and don’t have expensive things (except for 4 children!).

It’s more my reflections on modern life in general. It seems hard for people to navigate - and doesn’t often lead to them living their best lives.

Well, what’s great about modern life is that you don’t have to choose any of that. Buy cars you can afford and drive them until you can afford their replacement. Live in a smaller house. Send your kids to the nearest school not the ‘best school’, whatever that is. Wear things you like, not things that are fashionable, and wear them for years. Save for holidays and choose what you can comfortably afford, even if it’s camping. Choose not to upgrade your phone or computer, choose not to have paid TV services, choose to spend money on things you actually love.

Don’t let anyone tell you the sort of life you ought to want. Choose the life you do want and make your budget accordingly.

This is vey interesting!

I agree op. 25/30 years ago house was cheep, tax credits/childcare came in to support two income families. It seemed great and I said at the time cost of living is going to go through the roof. The things that were sold are choices back then are now necessity or unobtainable for a lot of people.

It is. People buy things sometimes to fill an emotional void. I mean you get the dopamine hit from the purchase, but it fades fast. Maybe if you live in a loving family, have friends, and are happy with the little things in life, I don’t think consumerism may have as much interest.

These thoughts obviously reflect the people that you know but personally I can’t say that I’ve ever felt the need to get the best car that I can afford. I’ve got an old car and I don’t mind getting the bus or train either. It’s a choice, I would never get into debt over a car!?

Just don't spend money you can't afford to spend. We have endless options, but you don't just take them all up if they are too expensive, don't be seduced by the consumer illusion that you can have everything.

Modern life is great for most people compared to Victorian or post war or any other era I can think of, enjoy it but don't over indulge.

In many ways you’re describing my life, but I was lucky enough to grow up with parents who lived very much within their means and gave me lots of financial advice like save up for big spending / stress test your mortgage repayments / don’t borrow money for anything except a house etc. But lots of people don’t have that, and society doesn’t encourage this sort of living. So there are millions of people who are under enormous societal pressure to live modern life, and that seems completely rubbish a lot of the time.

I think it’s you. We both work - because I want to work. Could never have been a stay at home mum like many were back in the day.

we have money for the things we want to do, but we budget well and don’t flash the cash on unnecessary items. I.E expensive clothes. Holidays we self cater. I spend £10 a month on my phone. But we set aside money for the things we do appreciate and enjoy (which may seem a waste to others).

Life is what you make it.

You don't have to buy all the consumerist crap that is targeted at us. Switch off mindless shopping.

I've never owned a car living in London and I've been perfectly happy.

We have choices.

I understand.
Basically less disposable income due to bills, mortgage, activities costs increasing.

It's tough times tbh.

Just don't be a Johnny two sheds and you'll be fine, buy what you can afford, save sensibly and don't take on debts for fancy cars or holidays or things you don't actually need.

What is the purpose of your life? In your post, you mention mostly money related issues. Of course it has its place, but is that your goal in life? Does happiness come as a result of what you possess materially?

I think this is an interesting point about comparing like with like - neighbours and colleagues. Now you can compare your life with ‘celebrities’.

I suppose I’m thinking about this as my 2 oldest become teenagers and start wanting certain football boots or talk about cars they’d like in the future. It’s got me thinking about what modern life of teaching them.

I've never felt pressure to keep up with or impress anyone. In my opinion, people who do are simpletons.

Lifestyle creep is not inevitable. People need to examine their own values and live accordingly. And develop some ability for self-denial and delayed gratification, in my opinon. Blaming one's foibles on "society" is ridiculous.

There has been an ongoing problem since 2010, rising costs and mostly flat wages.

There are choices being made by the consumer, for example car loans and holidays, but it is tougher now than it was 15 years ago.

suppose I’m thinking about this as my 2 oldest become teenagers and start wanting certain football boots or talk about cars they’d like in the future. It’s got me thinking about what modern life of teaching them

Twas ever thus. Back when I was a kid in the seventies we had conversations like this.

What's telling about your post OP, is that you say you don't get the same pleasure from your cars that you used to get as now everyone has one. So you were using your cars to feel special in some way.

Once you get past that, and know that you're a perfectly valid and special person irrespective of what car you drive, what size of house you live in, and the sort of holidays you go on, you will find peace. And will ultimately have more disposable income.

But I think this underestimates just how much people, and we all, to some extent, are impacted by society. Years ago there was this great programme looking at the Nudge Theory. It was amazing how much people are influenced by their environment. With people surrounded by new cars and fancy kitchens and credit being offered every time you check out of an online shop, I think it’s very hard to resist Modern Life, and my big concern is that it’s rubbish!

4 children is very much a choice that is not compulsory.

Want what you have.

do you have a toilet in your home? One that you can use in privacy and safety? Did your kids get fed today? Are they asleep in warm beds?

Yes, this. I think the ones with the social media accounts posting what they have, are the ones seeking validation because overall they are not very happy.

They'd probably be much more happier by switching it all off and finding something meaningful to do.