Modern life is rubbish?

[MeanMrMustardSeed]

I’m not been immune to this myself, so not pointing fingers. I just keep seeing the same things on here again and again, and I’m coming to the conclusion that Blur were on to something.

We saw the dream of 2 incomes, and bigger houses and newer cars, eating out and foreign holidays. Then because we were all doing it, houses got more expensive. Then we needed two cars as we had two jobs and lots of activities for the kids, but we couldn’t save up for them, or afford them, so we took out leases on them. In the good old days of low interest rates we bought bigger houses, and took out loans for extensions and spent the rest on a family holiday.

Now we have expensive lifestyles but less disposable income. We’re tied into paying off loans that seemed manageable 5 years ago, paying £100s for cars that just don’t seem to do it for us anymore as almost every other person has one anyway. But mostly we’re knackered from trying to manage it all.

Lots of us seem to dream of getting rid of 50% of our things, eating the same simple meals every week, saving slowly for house improvements and living with ‘okay’, and getting off the treadmill, or at least slowing it down. If modern life made us all happy, I could maybe accept it’s all fine, but that’s not the vibe I’m getting.

So is modern life rubbish, or have I messed up somewhere?

It's a choice to not live within your means surely.

I guess, but I think there seems to be more pressure these days to keep up with others. Is that a social media thing, maybe?

I think on a societal level it used to be more common to live within your means, partly through lack of available credit, but now it’s encouraged by society and the capitalist system to take credit at almost every opportunity.

I think you may have messed up. currently life is ok with us, both working in full time jobs, kids now adults. But when the dc were younger, life was interesting, but doable.

We never bothered about keeping up with others. That’s a hole you need to avoid.

We are conditioned to want more and more in this consumer society. People chase higher wages to pay larger mortgages and finance newer cars.
It's sad really

I think I've stepped off the treadmill. I retired early, live on very little, cook from scratch etc. I'm not bothered about fancy cars, fashion or expensive gadgets. I have a great life with plenty of travel and activities, friends and interests. Modern life can be good if you ignore the pressure to buy stuff you really don't need.

I wonder if the clue is in your ‘kids now adults’ bit, as you got in before a lot of this stuff started biting?

No. There has always been pressure to keep up with the Joneses. Credit just makes it easier than it was before.

We live in a hugely consumerist society where billions is spent on telling us what we need to be younger, happier and more content.

I remember the move towards minimalism in the 80s and 90s because people were drowning in debt and possessions.

I have a lot of sympathy.for people who bought houses not long before covid. I think the whole cost of living, interst rate rise etc since then must have made the affordable, very tight.
Never been fussed about keeping up with cars etc though.

I guess it depends if you live your life ‘keeping up with the Jones’. You clearly do and now you’re in a difficult financial position, instead of building savings and buying things when you can afford it. I guess you need to sit down and discuss how you can sort things. Do you need expensive cars? Can you downsize? You need to step away from the life is a competition mode, and think what’s really important to you. You can’t carry on like this.

I agree.

I would really love a much more simple existence.

I work long hours in a stressful job. I'm paid well but we live in an expensive area due to wanting to be in catchment for good schools. So we have a large mortgage and I feel like I'm on a hamster wheel sometimes - working so hard to bring the money in, to build a good life for our kids, but they money flows out every month and I'm just exhausted.

I'd love to work less and spend less, and have a really pared back existence.

But it's hard.

We already don't have flashy cars or go on exotic holidays etc. we don't wear expensive clothes, are not into brands at all.

But lots around us are, and it means the kids are growing up very brand-conscious.

Everyone these days seems to have their immaculate, fashionable houses all over insta etc and it all just seems so futile.

I actually deleted instagram a few weeks ago and planning to delete fb as well. I think the less I see of that stuff, the happier I will be.

I assume a lot of people live a more aspirational life using credit and can service their debts. My parents were buying things with the intention of paying it off with the pension lump sum about 20 years before dad retired.

This has never been me though. We don't live a life which looks aspirational in terms of house, cars, holidays or even careers. I imagine my parents think we earn half what we do because otherwise we'd surely have newer cars and a larger house?

I'm not on social media much sk maybe thats it. I do think in years hind by you c I ukd only compare yourself to neighbours and friends who in general had a vaguely similar income but now people como are themselves to influencers and celebs and seem to think they should have the same lifestyle.

I don't understand why people need so much tbh. I have a 2 bed place with the mortgage paid off ( I was 49 then) I could've bought bigger and better but decided not to. Same as car. I have a small 16 plate Vauxhall that runs fine. No need to take out loans or leases

I'm glad now I didn't " keep up with the Joneses" as I have minimal expenses and can afford to travel 2 or 3 months of the year

I think you’re assuming women working was just about people wanting more stuff. A bigger house. Another car.

But I actually think women working was really about their financial independence, ability to make choices, ability to be independent from men.

We already seem to be forgetting about how subjugated many women were… despite women from that era still being alive.

It’s a massive issue that housing is so expensive. That’s more the issue of banks lending more money and the government not ensuring building kept up with population growth though.

Even if we all lived very simple lives, both parents need their own financial independence to have any kind of equality.

This ^

I guess, but I think there seems to be more pressure these days to keep up with others. Is that a social media thing, maybe?

Ignore that pressure 🤷🏼‍♀️
Live your own life.

This is the sort of thing I’m thinking about. How society is set up to almost make people fail, and feel dissatisfied.

Lots of CofL threads on here talk about paying off debt - mainly accrued in the days of cheap credit. It’s like they’ve been sold down the river as now when things are more expensive, they are paying off debt from years ago.

My kids are both doing ok with their kids, but it’s all about perceived ideals. Life is just slightly different for each generation!

Circumstances have forced me to live in a very similar way to I did when I was young, which was admittedly a very long time ago. One family car, all means cooked from scratch, going out for a meal a special treat, minimal spend on stuff. I have to say it's very restful and I love (loved) spending money and never lived within my means really. I completely get the pressure you feel.

I agree with some of this, but it would have been great if this had led us all to working 3 days a week, instead of everyone working 5. Interestingly, my friends who are 15 years younger are looking at doing just that - creating a much better work life balance for themselves.

I think the key is to think clearly about what your priorities are, so that you are taking reasoned decisions about the life you want. In a consumerist society where there is huge pressure to keep buying, it’s all too easy to just be reactive and thoughtlessly pursue a load of goals that aren’t actually your goals at all, just what you’ve been told to want by social pressures and advertising.

But I also think things are harder now. Housing costs are at the root of it.

Well I think we chase those things because we are fundamentally living in ways that have made us maladaptive. We are like zoo animals. We are meant to live in groups of people, together.

I live in a mortgage free £300k small home.
I could theoretically afford to buy a £650k larger home but then have a mortgage on top but a 'wow look at my house ' home.

What's the point. I don't feel societal pressure. Instead I'm riding the COL crisis fine, I don't worry if I lose my job as don't have big mortgage to pay and Instead spend money on travel.

I do sometimes say to partner that I'm not in the home I imagined I'd have but so what.

Yes. I think because I was a postgraduate student and impoverished academic for so long, I got used to a frugal lifestyle and didn’t have a lot of time for social media. Then when we started accumulating money, I was in the habit of not spending it. I saw what was involved in going into university administration, and even had an offer, and it just would have taken me further from teaching and research, the hours were insane, and the money did not seem worth it. I also learned the peace of mind from not having debt is incredible.

But I was definitely a minority among my peers…I suspect they thought I was very weird when we bought a fixer upper, did the work ourselves, or we bought cars second-hand, etc. People are conditioned to be consumers for sure, and sometimes it is to their peril.

Big mortgages are the killer. If you are lucky enough to live in a cheap but decent area and can content yourself with a flat, you and DP can both work part time and still have a good standard of life. Depends on priorities though - wouldn’t satisfy everyone.