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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be horrible to my four year old?

305 replies

appleandcat · 23/02/2025 16:37

My four year old is a complete pain at the moment.He argues with everything I say and I mean everything. It’s literally being argumentative for the sake of it. It’s very draining and to be honest a bit depressing having everything you say disagreed with (I’ll say something like ‘I’m just nipping up the stairs!’ and he’ll say hourchily ‘you’re NOT going up the stairs.’)

So - I lost it a few days ago and I’m not proud of it but I screamed my head off at him, told him he was making me miserable and that I hated spending time with him, no one would want to be his friend. Horrible words and I did apologise for them but the thing is that it worked and he stopped arguing with me and whining at me.

Now we’re back to ‘normal.’ I have read the books and I’ve tried the techniques and all go ignored. And I’m actually wondering if I need to be a hell of a lot harsher and maybe that roaring out is what he needs. It’s certainly what my parents would have done: but I grew up with no confidence and I obviously don’t want that!

He is fine at nursery. So no idea what’s going on with him.

OP posts:
budlea64 · 26/02/2025 06:56

couldabutdidnt · 25/02/2025 14:53

@budlea64 you clearly haven’t had a 4 year old kid in a few years! I don’t think ‘wheels on the bus’ will help unless it’s a particularly biddable one! That would work on my baby but not my four year old and I think OP is playing on a harder setting than me!

The rest of your advice is good but I feel you’re minimising quite how infuriating a tricky four year old can be to even the most mother theresa like parents. I literally do meditation to cope with my wee hellion!

You obviously missed the "or something".
Distraction is the point.
I've had several kids and one in the household now. If you react to a 4 year old like you would to a drunk goading for an argument in the pub then I fear the child will learn new abhorrent behaviours to mirror as it grows.

Stationarytheme · 26/02/2025 07:41

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AusMumhere · 26/02/2025 10:12

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Why?

NovemberMorn · 26/02/2025 13:07

AusMumhere · 26/02/2025 10:12

Why?

Also..why?

Newmama93 · 07/04/2025 12:20

I had a bad day with my son today, said some unfair things but not remotely close to your words, to think you came away from your mean words to think you may need to use it again makes me think you have some serious issues with empathy. I’m sorry you’re struggling with your child at the moment but saying nobody would want to be his friend has brought me to tears, you’re his mother, how dare you. You’ve then made yourself feel justified into being harsh? Mind boggling, poor kid. Hope you haven’t crushed his self esteem too much.

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