SD medication to feel better

[stuckinthemiddlewithyou1]

So a bit of background. My SD19 lives with her mother and step dad about an hour away from us. She has always lived there, attended school there and has chosen to attend university there. During her last year of school she met her boyfriend who lives a further 2 hours away and they have maintained a relationship by seeing each other every few weekends and on her university holidays.

We live in the southern hemisphere for reference, and she has just returned home to start the new university year after pretty much spending 3 months with her boyfriend who lives with his family.

I have view of our private medical care transactions and have seen that she has gone to see a GP and has been prescribed urbanol and Lorien.

My husband has asked her what it’s about and her response has been that she has found the ‘change of life hard and being away from bf’ and needs something to help her cope. ‘It has been hard not being able to walk on the beach with her friends everyday’ and ‘finding a lift to university whilst her car is broken has been stressful’. Ps she damaged her car whilst driving to see him.

For some reason I am just completely uncomfortable with this whole thing. I feel that the taking of anti depressants and anxiety meds for her given reasons is just so casual.

There is not much I can do besides talk to her and express our concerns which my husband has already done. But perhaps my concerns are not valid. I feel that she somehow has this notion that you can medicate away normal life emotions but she says she gets a rash on her face and chest from the anxiety and so it’s needed.

AIBU?

Ps I am also very aware that she is an adult.

I suspect there's a lot going on you don't know about as neither of these are medications that would be prescribed for "normal life emotions" (as you say).

She doesn't have to disclose and you shouldn't pry. It's wrong and weird you can view any part of her health record - you need to give her control of this and remove yourself.

What an infringement of confidentiality. This is the only issue here.

Yes, yabu. She's an adult and a doctor has prescribed them to her. Getting stressed rashes doesn't sound like "normal life emotions".

Thanks for your responses here. I have said we don’t live in the UK. The healthcare system here is very different and dependent children are on parents plans until they are 26 sometimes older so visibility of this is just how things go. We also live in a country where access to medication is easy and GPs freely distribute anything you want if you have the funds which she does via our medical savings. There is no therapy being offered, just a prescription for meds in a 15min appointment with a doctor she has never seen before.

I am pretty sure there is nothing else going on with her.

Still none of your business and I don't think you should be looking at her prescriptions/medical records even if you can.

It's nice you're concerned but you need to give her some privacy and trust that she's a responsible adult.

Thanks again.

Whether I can see the info or not is not really up for discussion tbh. It is pretty difficult to skip certain lines on a family statement of transactions because they don’t apply to myself.

Anyway, I’ll take your advice and leave it. Just feels very unparenting of us to not be concerned.

Most people in the UK won't know that the first drug you list is a benzodiazepine. Here they would be prescribed for very limited situations, usually for a maximum of two weeks. If she gets dependent on benzodiazepines she will have a nightmare in front of her. They would absolutely not be prescribed after a single appointment with a new doctor in the UK. Is it just a few to take as needed, or is it a repeat prescription?

The other drug you list is Prozac and as with all SSRIs, stopping taking that in the future can trigger its own withdrawal issues.

Maybe you should look it in a positive way she's seeked help early so maybe she will start to feel better quicker. Isn't it better she's reached out to the doctor and got the support she's needed. We need to drop the stigma with mental health and medication. Just suffer a bit longer before you get help?! Fair play to her for even telling you what's going on she could have shut down. Tell her you are there for her and check in, if you are really concerned speak with her mum.

It is likely she does not want to tell you what is really going on.

My DD at a similar age was prescribed the U.K. equivalent (diazepam and duloxetine) as she was having significant panic attacks.

The diazepam was for short term use only while the duloxetine was for longer term anti anxiety.

Certainly in the UK anyone prescribed these drugs or similar is having significant symptoms which they may not choose to tell all and sundry about.

PS

My DD was not offered therapy at that stage as it was not considered appropriate.

She was offered it later when the drugs had had time to work and her panic attacks etc were subsiding.

Thank you again for some more measured responses.

We do have some experience with benzodiazepine being prescribed to another family member who had significant mental health problems and was definitely a candidate. This person was 3 times the weight of my SD and was on half the dose she has been given.

I agree that I’m grateful she has sought out help but I think the other posters here need to take my word for it when I say you can walk into a GPs office here and just say you are suffering from anxiety and depression and walk out with a prescription.

Something about this just doesn’t sit right with me and I feel like she is a young adult who thinks that medication is going to take away a normal range of emotions.

I have seen pics of her rash and I’m still not convinced. I myself suffer from skin flushes when I get myself worked up.

I don’t know. I guess we are really the only ones who know her and why this just feels off and frivolous.

You are being super judgemental.

And yes, I’m sure she doesn’t want to tell us what is likely going on. But my gut is telling me that whatever is likely going on is more likely something that should be solved by other means.

for example, how can I be sure that the stress and anxiety are not because the relationship is unhealthy and controlling and being away from him is causing the anxiety. A teenager would very much consider that the solution to this problem would be to medicate away the anxiety rather than deal with whether the relationship is good or not.

You don’t need to be sure.

You are literally not part of her medical decision.

Why are you making this about you?

How ironic…

Silly me to think I could ask MNers for anything other than judgement.

Is there no one out there who would be concerned about a teenagers poor judgement on something as serious as self medicating yourself out of normal life emotions? Has everyone forgotten what it’s like to feel like your world is ending because you can’t see your boyfriend everyday? Do we now prescribe medication because you can’t walk on the beach everyday and have to go back to university.

I am actively going to choose to ignore your comments. Everything you are saying goes against my intuition. I’m not sure if you are a parent of a teenager but to just leave them to their own devices and into the hands of a money driven health care system does not sit well with my heart. Thanks and goodbye.

It's possible she's not told you the real reason for going on medication. At that age she probably wants privacy (which she cannot get since you've already found out about the meds and asked her about them without her consent).

She's an adult- if she thinks this is the right decision for her it's her body and pressuring her about it won't help things.

And to add. I am fully supportive of solutions to mental health problems and grateful for the awareness.

I do not feel however a 15 min appointment (probably less but thats the billing interval) with a doctor you have only seen once is enough to warrant a teenager leaving with a repeat prescription for the medication she has been given. I am concerned that she does not know what she is doing and is acting from a place of ignorance.

The problem is it's not your call. It's unfortunate you can see her health record and have chosen to pry. At her age, she probably wants privacy and autonomy over her own body and choices. It doesn't matter what you think as you're not her or her doctor.
I know this must be hard for you but you need to stop being so overbearing.

My teenager did not even have a doctors appointment to be prescribed the drugs.

I spoke to the doctor (who was the duty doctor for our practice and neither my daughter nor I had met before) and explained the situation.

He prescribed a short course of diazepam for when she was having panic attacks and also prescribed duloxetine.

It is not necessary for the appointment to be long or with a doctor you know if the clinical presentation is clear.

Thank you for all the responses.
I will admit defeat and back off.
I do however have to say that I am astounded at the level of disengagement I'm (and I refer to us as her parents) expected to have in questioning the soundness of her decisions.

Would you have taken your teen to the doctor if you felt it wasn’t needed?

But didn't you realise once she was 18 that would happen? I don't know where you live/are from; when you became an adult, were your parents still involved in your healthcare and other decisions?
Genuine question.

It's not disengagement. But there is a way for one adult to approach another about a concern without coming across as controlling and nosey.

You've used phrases like "place of ignorance" and "soundness of her decisions" when speaking about her, as if she is a liability or maybe stupid. She's not, she's an adult, whether you can accept that or not.

How about approaching it without the criticism? "I'm so sorry you're feeling this low dear, we had no idea, is there anything we could do to give you some support with this?" And maybe calmly suggesting a therapy to talk through what she's dealing with when she's ready.

I think perhaps there is a culture difference which is getting lost in translation. There absolutely is a lot more parental involvement in decisions and that does not just stop simply because you become a certain number even though the law may allow you to.