SD medication to feel better

[stuckinthemiddlewithyou1]

So a bit of background. My SD19 lives with her mother and step dad about an hour away from us. She has always lived there, attended school there and has chosen to attend university there. During her last year of school she met her boyfriend who lives a further 2 hours away and they have maintained a relationship by seeing each other every few weekends and on her university holidays.

We live in the southern hemisphere for reference, and she has just returned home to start the new university year after pretty much spending 3 months with her boyfriend who lives with his family.

I have view of our private medical care transactions and have seen that she has gone to see a GP and has been prescribed urbanol and Lorien.

My husband has asked her what it’s about and her response has been that she has found the ‘change of life hard and being away from bf’ and needs something to help her cope. ‘It has been hard not being able to walk on the beach with her friends everyday’ and ‘finding a lift to university whilst her car is broken has been stressful’. Ps she damaged her car whilst driving to see him.

For some reason I am just completely uncomfortable with this whole thing. I feel that the taking of anti depressants and anxiety meds for her given reasons is just so casual.

There is not much I can do besides talk to her and express our concerns which my husband has already done. But perhaps my concerns are not valid. I feel that she somehow has this notion that you can medicate away normal life emotions but she says she gets a rash on her face and chest from the anxiety and so it’s needed.

AIBU?

How do you know she is being monitored? I see many examples in the UK of private healthcare where a young person is started on antidepressants and not monitored. It is shocking. Should the worst happen, a coroner would take a very dim view of this.

Exactly. Benzos should not be given for panic disorder unless it is for a new and temporary stressful situation. As per the NICE guidelines. They are so hard to come off. I do not think they are suitable medication in this case. They make people feel so much better for a short time, and that is part of the problem.

The country I am in is irrelevant to my AIBU?
My child has taken it upon herself to get anti depressants and anxiety meds because she cannot walk on the beach every day with her friends post holiday and can only see her bf every 3 weeks.

AIBU for being concerned given the easy access to medication she has, the lack of therapy or is it not a big deal and she is old enough to make her own decisions?

Clearly given the responses I have had here is that she is old enough to make her own decisions about her health and I should butt off especially because I am her step mother.

My gut instinct is telling me that she is naive and immature and looking for a quick fix to escape an uncomfortable feeling. It has taken this conversation on here to assure me of that.

Good luck to all you parents who simply wash your hands of your 18 year olds! You must have done a brilliant parenting job to know that by that age they are so fully in control and in charge enough to make good decisions. I hope none of you look back and wish that you had gotten more involved.
thanks everyone!

You’ve had some awful responses here, OP.

Yanbu to be worried. Those meds aren’t to be taken lightly.

Honestly, even being referred to as a ´teen’ at the age of 19 would have pissed me off. I know technically, there’s still the word ´teen’ in that age, but for me, going to university was the start of my life as an adult. I needed to feel that I was in charge of my own life and that my parents no longer had a say unless I invited them to. I needed that sense of independence to be able to do perfectly normally things like have a boyfriend and a sex life and start going out to parties and concerts and organize my own drs appointments and haircuts and all sorts of little things that are part of being an adult. My parents are great but in my head I couldn’t reconcile making adult decisions while I still felt like my parents got a say in the matter. I would have failed to launch as an adult without that independence of moving out of home at 18.
I think basically the cultural difference here is too big for you to get relevant advice OP. Everyone is just horrified by the idea of a 19 year old still being monitored by her parents in this way. But we also come from places with a more joined-up and safer healthcare system.
Can you pay for her to see a Dr to follow the situation properly or is that simply not available where you are?

Can you pay for her to see a Dr to follow the situation properly or is that simply not available where you are?

Which will lead to more step parenting monitoring and more breeches in medical confidentiality...

How do you know she isn't? This prescription has only just happened - not enough time for monitoring to have even started and be billed via an insurance company for any follow up.

A coroner would take a very dim view on mental heath support and medication not being provided if deemed necessary, and breeches in medical confidentiality to wouldn't they?

I agree with your way of thinking op

Thank you.
Im actually in tears at the moment.
I honestly feel that being the parent of a young adult is so much harder than that of a child. So caught between letting them make their mistakes and guiding them (and feeling their wrath at your interference). Then add being a SM on top of that.

just read another post where a mother found some ominous ‘medication’ in her sons room. Felt tempted to tell her to respect his privacy and stay out of his room!

No one thinks benzos are a reasonable coping mechanism for someone missing their boyfriend during a temporary period of separation by the way. It’s just no one believes your stepdaughter is telling you the truth about the situation because at 19 our parents were just not the people we would ask for help for emotional difficulties or mental health problems. It’s really an age thing. Earlier on and later on in life parents I would ask my parents for help but just at that age the need for independence was so strong that I kept my parents in the dark about most things going on in my life. They got the highlights reel when I visited and requests for advice or help when I wanted it.

Woah, now you are comparing your step daughter to a 19 year old who is suspected of dealing drugs, who had brought unprescribed medication into a house and is most likely selling it?

All because she's asked for help with her mental health and been given some help with it?

Young people need to be followed up once a week once they start antidepressants. I don’t get the impression this is happening, from the OP’s comments. If you don’t believe the OP though, then this thread will be pointless for you.

In this case, it does not seem to be breaching confidentiality due to systems in that country. I don’t have any understanding of those systems so can’t comment. We have very high standards of governance and confidentiality in the health service in this country which need to be respected, of course.

Just to mention, that confidentiality can be broken when there are significant risks. I’m not saying that this is the case here.

Yeah but parents opinions on whether her mental health requires medication are worthless. An actual medical professional’s opinion, with time to access the patient and ongoing monitoring, ideally bound by rules of confidentiality would be hugely preferable but I guess in whatever awful place OP lives medical confidentiality is not standard.

My 19 year-old wants me to be involved in her medical decisions and has given the GP consent to give us information. Not all young people are the same or in the same circumstances.

And you wonder why she isn't sharing the full information with you...

I hope she finishes uni soon and get run for the hills because honestly you have come on here and insulted any one who has disagreed with you - I have no doubt you do the same to her when she goes against your wishes (for instance taking medication when you are so clearly anti it).

I don’t engage with people like this. Don’t waste your energy by responding further!

I know she won’t be monitored because I’m an adult who lives here and knows very well how the health system here works.

She could if she wanted to just go off and see another 2 or 3 doctors and get the same prescription and overdose if she wanted to.

I think prescribing these medications because she misses her boyfriend and has to get a lift to school is ridiculous. However, you only know what she chose to tell you, which might be very different from her real reasons.

Your SD doesn't appear to trust either you or your dh with what is actually going on. You can't force someone who doesn't trust you to disclose private information to you. Trust is built over time through loving, understanding relationships. If you would like her to trust you and come to you when she is having difficulties instead of bulldozing in acting like you have a right to know what is going on with her work on your relationship with her and show non judgemental interest in her life.

OP, as you quite rightly note, young people who start antidepressants can become intensely suicidal and have the worst consequences. It has also hit the news recently. You are absolutely doing the right thing by expressing some concerns about this.

However, it is of course her decision and she will do as she sees fit. Just keep an eye on her and encourage some psychological input and engagement with professionals if possible.

A child who has been happy on holiday for 3 months and within 4 days of returning and having to start university does not have any other reasons besides for the ones she has stated.

She has absolutely not endured or sat with her bad feelings for long enough for them to become a chronic mental health concern.

This may sound very critical but I am sure that she has not explored her situation very well and has been sold this idea that sadness will disappear if you take a pill.

How do you know she doesn’t trust us? How do you know with what sincerity she tells us that she is taking these medications for the reasons she states? How do you know we don’t have a loving understanding relationship?

How do you know all this?

Parenting young adults is so much more complex when they are struggling.

Whatever people say, once the info comes to them that their child is on an antidepressant and benzo, most loving parents will not be able to ‘un-see’ that info (however accessed) and will want to help. Being a parent and being a hcp are very different circumstances with entirely different dynamics.