SD medication to feel better

[stuckinthemiddlewithyou1]

So a bit of background. My SD19 lives with her mother and step dad about an hour away from us. She has always lived there, attended school there and has chosen to attend university there. During her last year of school she met her boyfriend who lives a further 2 hours away and they have maintained a relationship by seeing each other every few weekends and on her university holidays.

We live in the southern hemisphere for reference, and she has just returned home to start the new university year after pretty much spending 3 months with her boyfriend who lives with his family.

I have view of our private medical care transactions and have seen that she has gone to see a GP and has been prescribed urbanol and Lorien.

My husband has asked her what it’s about and her response has been that she has found the ‘change of life hard and being away from bf’ and needs something to help her cope. ‘It has been hard not being able to walk on the beach with her friends everyday’ and ‘finding a lift to university whilst her car is broken has been stressful’. Ps she damaged her car whilst driving to see him.

For some reason I am just completely uncomfortable with this whole thing. I feel that the taking of anti depressants and anxiety meds for her given reasons is just so casual.

There is not much I can do besides talk to her and express our concerns which my husband has already done. But perhaps my concerns are not valid. I feel that she somehow has this notion that you can medicate away normal life emotions but she says she gets a rash on her face and chest from the anxiety and so it’s needed.

AIBU?

You don’t think we have done that? And you don’t think the response we have received is exactly what I’ve said… ‘it’s a struggle to not be able to have a walk on the beach everyday with my friends’ and ‘seeing my boyfriend only every 3 weeks after seeing him everyday is hard’?

does this honestly raise no concerns with anyone that the problems are frivolous and require better coping mechanisms and not medication?

It's none of your business - whether it's the reasons she gave (or more personal ones she didn't want to tell you) she had been prescribed medication by a doctor. Doctor felt it would benefit her. Keep your nose out and your opinions to yourself

Also, you're not even her mother

Thank you for the reminder.

I'm really questioning what kind of MNers are up at this time of the morning.

Again. "Frivalous" implies you think it's silly and have lessened how she feels. To you, it may seem so. To her, not.

It may be the case in your culture that parents seem more (perhaps too) involved in their adult children's decision making. But evidently she felt this was a problem she couldn't come to you with. That says a lot about you, if you think about it. Maybe she knew she'd get this kind of response and just wanted to avoid that. Nobody wants to be told their feelings are silly or don't matter.

Maybe that’s what is causing the panic attacks. How awful for young adults to be treated as incapable.
What I really needed at that age was to know that my parents had my back if I came to them asking for help or advice. And I did, fairly frequently. But I also really really needed to feel like an adult at that age and being in charge of my own health care was part of that.
My parents did not have access to info about what medication I was taking and having to share that information might have resulted in me not going to the dr when I needed to.
I would have felt unable to begin life if my parents thought they had a say in my decisions at that age.

@stuckinthemiddlewithyou1 well you're up, so MNers like you?

I'll reiterate. It's not your business what medication your step daughter who doesn't live with you has been prescribed by a doctor. Unless she chooses to discuss it then it's nothing to do with you!

If she had been prescribed treatment for, say, syphilis or an abortion would you be questioning her or judging her because that's what you're doing

@stuckinthemiddlewithyou1 I don't know why you bothered posting this on Mumsnet. Please go with your instincts, you know your SD and if you think there is something wrong then there is probably something wrong. You don't stop being a concerned parent because your child is 18. My daughter is 24 years old and she always wants me to go with her to every doctor's appointment.

It’s a worrying situation for you OP and you’ve had a sensible response from @oldchairman so I can see why you’re concerned.
Mumsnetters can be harsh and until this sort of thing happens to them they won’t understand.
I think you’re right, a lot of GPs have so little time now that it’s easier to write a prescription than to really try and get to the bottom of things.
Have you suggested counselling to her? Anxiety is a horrible thing to have to deal with.
Keep listening and keep the lines of communication open, you sound like a great parent.
Ignore some of these comments and keep doing the best you can.

I work as a consultant psychiatrist and share your concerns. We often see young people who have come from other countries and are on really quite worrying combinations of medication. There is a lot wrong with our NHS but I do think the restrictions we have on psychotropic medications and polypharmacy is a positive. I have seen students from America, Spain etc come here on four different mental health medications when they are not all needed.

This girl is on an SSRI. When these are prescribed for young people, they need monitoring at least once a week for any increase in suicidal ideation. And the other medication she is on is addictive. I would never prescribe that for a 19-year-old with anxiety.

But all you can do is offer support. She would definitely benefit from therapy as first line. I guess you were not privy to the actual conversation she had, so there of course may be more going on. Medications absolutely have their role, but I believe that therapy would be a better initial treatment for this young person.

I worry about my kids in their early 20s, regardless of their age. I do not think you are wrong to be worried.

Although I don’t like the fact that her medical details are so easily available on the invoice. It is not your fault for seeing it, but I don’t feel it is right for her details to be exposed like that. But that is another issue.

Thank you

I would not say that was not good or usual practice. It's very unusual to be prescribed diazepam for panic and duloxetine is not a first line medication for panic attacks/disorder. There would usually be a number of medications that would be prescribed before duloxetine.

Thank you!

And yes I agree the access to her medical records is a concern but that’s just the way things are here and right now im quite grateful we can see what we can see.

I find the world such a strange place when it comes to young adults. We are so quick to advocate for their complete autonomy and right to privacy but when things go wrong which they often do with disastrous outcomes, we blame their youth and inexperience.

It seems to be a thing on MN that when kids reach 18 and they are considered adults they should be allowed to make their own decisions without any kind of help/support/input/concern from their parents.

Ironically there is also thread after thread on here about how young people have no resilience and are pathologising normal worries and upset.

What about recommending some kind of talking therapy to SD? Is that available and possible? Because if she is finding it hard to cope being away from her boyfriend how is she ever going to cope if they split up? Is she aware the one medication is addictive? Has she carefully read all the possible side effects for both?

I think it's lovely that you're concerned OP, especially because you're not her biological mum. Teenagers need as many people looking out for them as possible, we know their brains aren't fully developed until 25.

I’m up because I don’t live in the UK and we don’t have access to a community forum like this. And as the clock would have it, more sensible responses have seemed to come through as your day gets going in the UK. So my comment stands.

MN is a crazy place. You seek out advice but people question your own facts. You will just have to take it that those reasons she has given us are in fact the reasons she feels she needs to be on the medication. I do not have any reason to believe there is anything else going on other than the reasons she has given. I know my child. And I also know that it is quite possible for her to not understand what is a treatable condition and what is just an uncomfortable emotion for which she is seeking a quick fix.

for those who are horrified I have access to her medical records, I am grateful that I do whilst she is still young enough for us to help her. You guys must have a whole different bunch of teens in the UK who already know everything there is to know about everything.

The more sensible people seem to be waking up on a Sunday morning.

It really is such a worry and so difficult to navigate their freedom and balance this out with guidance or perhaps even insistence for a different approach to the problems she is facing. I would not want to alienate her by being authoritarian.

We absolutely have suggested some sort of therapy as an alternative but she is insisting that medication will make her feel better. Urbanol is highly addictive and it makes you feel like shit if you do not need it.

I feel like her perspective has been lost in her relationship. I obviously do not know all the ins and outs of her relationship but I do worry about the intensity of a relationship that needs medication in order to survive time away from it at her age. Can other posters not see this as a concern?

I hope @HeldBack’s sensible and expert response is of some reassurance. I would be concerned about my young adult taking a benzodiazepine and would want them off it asap. If there’s nothing more going on beyond the minor life stresses she’s described, it’s hard to see how she’d stop “needing” them. I hope you can try and divert her into psychological therapy.

Thank you.

My old school advice would be that if a long distance relationship is causing you so much stress that you are struggling with other facets of your life (for example the very important tertiary education you are enrolled in) then you need to be assessing whether the relationship is a problem. Not that you have a mental health problem that needs medication. But I would never suggest that to her as it would not go down well and clearly she needs some help navigating the challenges that life is presenting to her not advice from me.

Her mother is probably completely unaware that this is even going on.

I'm from a Southern Hemisphere country (Australia), there is not a lot more parental involvement in adult children's health decisions at all. In Australia for instance medicare can only relay information to a parent once a child is over 16 with the explicit consent of the patient.

There are some over controlling parents who think it's appropriate to seek out the medical information on their adult children rather than maintaining their confidentiality; even if you had stumbled across this by accident you shouldn't have raised.

As a parent (or step parent) it is your duty to ensure your children can access safe, effective, and confidential healthcare.

@HeldBack

It's likely she will be being monitored - there are stringent regulations on this in place world wide.

Do you think that a step parent should access and then share a 19 year olds medical information? Do you think this sort of behaviour may be a red flag for why this woman hasn't discussed any of this with her step parent?

I am not in Australia.

Again, you will just have to take my word for it that the access I have to her information is normal for a dependent child still on her parents privately paid healthcare plan. It is also completely normal for parents of a 19 year old to still be involved in their child’s decisions about their health and in fact it would be seen to be quite unusual for parents to be so stand offish about their teenagers taking prescription meds such as the ones I have mentioned without their knowledge.

You will have to just accept these as facts to the case I have raised and possibly rather offer advice on whether it’s possible my child is self medicating herself based on lack of knowledge about what is a mental health condition and what is a normal range of negative emotions to be expected given you are now having to only see your boyfriend every 3 weeks as opposed to every day and can’t walk on the beach everyday and have to attend university instead.

Please tell me which country in the world does not have a policy on health care confidentiality for over 16s...?

She will not be monitored by anyone other than us her parents. The doctor will not call her back for a follow up appointment and there are no other support groups whatever it is you are suggesting will ‘monitor’ her.

I am her step mother but have known her since she was 2 and so I do not feel this has any bearing on the discussion.

she would not have discussed this with any other adult and so I am grateful I know what I know. She also knows that we have visibility of what each child is doing in terms of their health whilst on our plan so it is no secret and our discussions are always open. For example, she had a cold or flu a while ago and I noticed medication that could have possibly killed a horse being purchased. As a youngster with little experience she had gone off and purchased so much mediation to alleviate flu symptoms that she risked overdose because many of the ingredients were present in more than one of the mediations purchased and her philosophy was to just take as much stuff as possible to get better quickly. This is not the UK where I have been prevented at the till point in Tesco for purchasing two packets of paracetamol.

I wish I could message you privately because you seem to be having a hard time accepting the facts I have given you.

There may very well be a policy but whether it is enforced or not is possibly very low on the list of other problems this country faces. The idea that she will be ‘monitored’ is laughable. Just accept what I am saying.

If you wish to inform someone here of my infringement on her rights then can you please start with our government who cannot even provide basic sanitation to those who are in hospital for genuine physically threatening life conditions. I think you will find your complaint about my step daughter’s mental health privacy is probably between the complaint from the woman giving birth on a dirty hospital floor and the man who has just lost access to his HIV treatment because Donald Trump has withdrawn aid. Possibly why I am so invested in the situation because nobody else would care.

Which country are you in OP?

It's kind of vital information for you to get responses it now seems as people trying to advise you 'don't have the facts'.