SD medication to feel better

[stuckinthemiddlewithyou1]

So a bit of background. My SD19 lives with her mother and step dad about an hour away from us. She has always lived there, attended school there and has chosen to attend university there. During her last year of school she met her boyfriend who lives a further 2 hours away and they have maintained a relationship by seeing each other every few weekends and on her university holidays.

We live in the southern hemisphere for reference, and she has just returned home to start the new university year after pretty much spending 3 months with her boyfriend who lives with his family.

I have view of our private medical care transactions and have seen that she has gone to see a GP and has been prescribed urbanol and Lorien.

My husband has asked her what it’s about and her response has been that she has found the ‘change of life hard and being away from bf’ and needs something to help her cope. ‘It has been hard not being able to walk on the beach with her friends everyday’ and ‘finding a lift to university whilst her car is broken has been stressful’. Ps she damaged her car whilst driving to see him.

For some reason I am just completely uncomfortable with this whole thing. I feel that the taking of anti depressants and anxiety meds for her given reasons is just so casual.

There is not much I can do besides talk to her and express our concerns which my husband has already done. But perhaps my concerns are not valid. I feel that she somehow has this notion that you can medicate away normal life emotions but she says she gets a rash on her face and chest from the anxiety and so it’s needed.

AIBU?

SD may yet have lessons to learn about the dangers of anxiety medication.

And the OP may have lessons to learn about the BENEFITS of anxiety medication as well... it works both ways, regardless, it's not the OPs decision to make for a 19 year old, particularly a 19 year old that didn't disclose this to the OP.

I think you could make her aware that as she's on your insurance you are getting notified of her health decisions. I don't take that medication but it does sound like overreacting to prescibe if those are the only issues. Missing someone and being stressed over finding a lift aren't a big deal and par for the course for most of us, if it is just those things I would see that as something to just deal with as adulting. Perhaps have a chat with her and check in.

You're not her Dr. You are not this young woman either. Your preference is irrelevant.

No wonder she doesn't want to tell you anything. You've breached her right to medical confidentiality. Posted her business on a foreign public forum and been pretty horrible when replying to responses because you aren't in the UK and you are so experienced in everything about your country and culture. Why post in a UK forum if you judge UK replies?

It's none of your business. Keep interfering and your SD will rightly stop telling you anything. Also sounds like you get to control her because you pay for her.

I don’t think the OP is looking for ways to take the decision from her.

She’s asking is she’s been unreasonable for being worried and as a responsible parent of course she isn’t.

She has a repeat prescription for six months for a benzodiazepine, @stuckinthemiddlewithyou1? That is beyond concerning.

I've just checked the half life of clobazam (urbanol): 36-42 hours which is relatively long, increasing the risk of dependency.

This isn't perfect as it says withdrawal symptoms after a "long time" on the drug, but then clarifies they mean over 2 weeks, but it may help:

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/drugs-and-treatments/sleeping-pills-and-minor-tranquillisers/withdrawal-effects-of-benzodiazepines/

I agree with the medication as a last resort for me, and I think we are too quick in prescribing medication. However, your SD is an adult who has bodily autonomy and can make her own decisions. Whilst you can discuss and give your opinion, it is up to her.

Ultimately, you are not her parent and as she is an adult you have no say in her medical care, unless you pull the insurance. All you can do is discuss the fact that it is normal to feel sad sometimes and that it can last a while, this does not always need to be medicated unless acute.

I've been on clobazam for months - a super high dose (epilepsy), and I had no withdrawal effects as I was under guidance to taper appropriately (which has been somewhat lacking in NHS mental health systems)...

Proper tapered deprescribing is advocated by everyone to reduce the risks - not everyone who takes medication long term become addicted to them.

It a calculation of benefits vs risks which none of us are privilege to in this circumstances.

There is nothing helpful with defining medications as black and white for anyone.

@stuckinthemiddlewithyou1

She does not inform us when she goes to the dentist or to the optometrist which I also see on our family medical records as we use the benefits. I do not question her then and she knows we have visibility.
Is it not possible that she views taking medication such as this so lightly and casually that she thought she didn’t need to inform us?

She doesn't 'need' to inform you of anything. If she had wanted to, she would have. She didn't want to as she thought you'd react the way you have.

Have you considered that there maybe more to her feeling the way she does than she's told you - perhaps because of how you'd react of perhaps she just doesn't want you to know? She's entitled to complete privacy regarding her own physical and mental health. You have to right to question her.

Thank you for this.

Exactly what I’m asking and you would swear this is impossible for others to understand.

im leaving now. Thank you for anyone who has taken the time to try and understand my concerns.

OP- can I just ask, was your SS medicated when he was diagnosed with chronic depression?

WHO states over 180 days (c. 6 months) would be long term use of Benzos so hopefully that reassures some of you, given that the prescription is for that period (and we don't know the dose or whether its intermittent).

Age of an adult in South Africa is 18. So we are talking about an adult here.

Also in South Africa "The age at which a person is able to consent to treatment in South Africa is 12. Provided they have the maturity “to understand the benefits, risks, social and other implications of the treatment”, children of this age may consent to medical treatment on their own behalf."

Less reassuring in the UK some NHS trusts (the typical anti psychiatry ones...) describe long-term use as over one month.

There's a huge difference between prescribing and deprescribing in literature depending on whether it's written in neurological spheres or psychiatric / anti psychiatric spheres.

There's also a whacking discrepancy on Folic Acid supplementation for cross over meds between these two groups as well (which drives me absolutely full of rage due to the risk to unborn children which can be life long).

I hope all goes well for your DSD, OP.

I'd be worried too.

Just keep an eye on her and be ready to help is she asks for support.

Really? Kindly OP, this isn't coming across in your posts at all.

I would guess USA as it's common to be on your parents health insurance until age 25, when you go onto your own - unless you are earning well at a young age!

I didn't know parents could see what the adult children were taking though. Surely a breach of confidentiality

There's also the risk that she might not seek help from a dr in future for the fear of you finding out and questioning (judging her) about it

@PeonyBlushSuede

She's in South Africa. I went to see what her experience was with her brother she mentioned to try and understand why so much vitriol was sent towards me and why she resented her SD taking meds so much.

@OhSoSharkie
You are VERY opinionated about issues you seem to think you know a lot about. You may have your own experience with the medication I am concerned about but you do not have my own lived experience with my daughter.

I am almost 100% sure that the parents of teenagers and young adults who have committed suicide and didn’t share information with their parents wish that there was some way that they could have known the things that they didn’t know in order to help and guide them.

Our experience with my SS and his mental health are just one of the factors which have alerted me to the possibility that my daughter is being prescribed medication that she does not need to have. I know my children.

I would absolutely not expect her to divulge every detail of her life to me or my DH and I but I am privy to certain information rightly or wrongly and I feel I would be an absolute terrible parent to not question what is going on. Her responses to my husband seem to indicate to us that she is not fully aware what constitutes a mental health condition requiring treatment and what does not. We again would be terrible parents to just leave it at that.

We absolutely will be discussing this further with her at some point and if it comes to light that there is something bigger going on then I will be glad to know so that we can support her. Imagine if it turns out that her relationship is controlling and she is being emotionally abused? Imagine if it turns out that she is using the anxiety as an excuse to get access to medication in the hope of losing weight? If there happens to be a genuine case of depression and anxiety then I would like to suggest to her that she explores some therapy. How am I or anyone else going to help her with this if we do not know? Your solution seems to be to leave her to herself and the medical profession.

We do not live in a country or a family where we just throw our children into the hands of the govt or the world without a further thought for their well being once they become legal age. It is laughable to you can quote my countries laws re 12 year olds making medical decisions as a defense for your argument. My daughter at the age of 12 couldn’t decide whether she preferred her Barbie or cabbage patch doll. She is not afraid of us and I believe our relationship is open and honest.

You have not changed my mind and in fact have just cemented the fact that I am so glad we have the opportunity to be as involved in our young adults lives as we are. You have also reminded me how futile it is to seek the advice of strangers on the internet.

Being a parent is no walk in the park and being a step mother has been one of the most challenging but rewarding experiences. Thank you for the fervent interest you have taken in my problem and I admire your advocacy of her right to privacy and the efficacy of the meds she has chosen but again… it just does not feel right and I will forever be full of regret if there is something else going on here that we could help with.

You talk about people committing suicide - well my brother did just that - he didn't seek help as was afraid of what people/family/work would think - your step daughter has sought help, from a doctor not from you - you have made it clear you don't feel her 'problems' are that bad and that you (not a doctor or healthcare professionals) have made it clear she's being silly. You now think she can talk to you?

Taking the medication she is taking is also a risk for suicide as a side effect. Wouldn’t it be a shame if that was the outcome because she found herself a doctor who was willing to prescribe her something she didn’t need?

Wouldn’t any GP worth his money suggest some sort of therapy alongside the medication? This doesn’t appear to be the case according to my SD.

I have a lot of experience with a lot of other people's lived experience too - you have no idea about what I do or do not know or what I have and haven't lived through.

You come across as over bearing and over controlling - you can step parent without being controlling, you can let your ADULT step children make decisions guided by medical professionals without all the stigma you've thrown out in this thread regarding your SD (and you know, previous comments on your SS).

Not taking medication is also a risk for suicide, as is not seeking mental health support that is person led.

That doesn't fit in with your black and white anti medication / anti psychiatric views though so you will just insult anyone who raises those points.

For what's its worth I don't think you're unreasonable about being worried at all. It shows you care.

She's aware that you know that she's taking these meds so can you make sure she's aware of the side effects etc. Are you also able to have a conversation about therapy (concurrently preferably) rather than just using meds long term.

Just btw it's Sunday here. Never a good day to look for sense or kindness on MN. You're damned regardless of what you do.

And yes - in your country the law is that 12 years olds can make medical decisions if they are deemed to have capacity, so your 19 year old definitely can make this decision without needing to confer with you, or have you dictating to her how she isn't unwell and how she doesn't need treatment.

For gods sake lady. I am not telling her to not seek support and to ignore her problem.
I would simply like to make sure that her problems are being explored by the right person for the right reasons. I do not think that is overbearing. Now please just go and comment on someone else’s problem.

I too have done a deep dive into your MN history and it appears that you are relatively new or have done a name change (probably) and have picked up my post to troll as your fun for the day.