SD medication to feel better

[stuckinthemiddlewithyou1]

So a bit of background. My SD19 lives with her mother and step dad about an hour away from us. She has always lived there, attended school there and has chosen to attend university there. During her last year of school she met her boyfriend who lives a further 2 hours away and they have maintained a relationship by seeing each other every few weekends and on her university holidays.

We live in the southern hemisphere for reference, and she has just returned home to start the new university year after pretty much spending 3 months with her boyfriend who lives with his family.

I have view of our private medical care transactions and have seen that she has gone to see a GP and has been prescribed urbanol and Lorien.

My husband has asked her what it’s about and her response has been that she has found the ‘change of life hard and being away from bf’ and needs something to help her cope. ‘It has been hard not being able to walk on the beach with her friends everyday’ and ‘finding a lift to university whilst her car is broken has been stressful’. Ps she damaged her car whilst driving to see him.

For some reason I am just completely uncomfortable with this whole thing. I feel that the taking of anti depressants and anxiety meds for her given reasons is just so casual.

There is not much I can do besides talk to her and express our concerns which my husband has already done. But perhaps my concerns are not valid. I feel that she somehow has this notion that you can medicate away normal life emotions but she says she gets a rash on her face and chest from the anxiety and so it’s needed.

AIBU?

How do you know she's been happy for months? She may be good at hiding how she is feeling.
Last year I was really struggling, I went to the doctor and the main 2 things that had broken me were my car breaking down and my DD having a tantrum, which sounds trivial when written down. However the doctor was able to see that there was much more and I told her a lot in confidence.
I was prescribed medication and once that had lifted the fog I was able to access therapy. I don't think it's your place to decide how she's feeling and what medication she does or doesn't need.

She may have asked for the meds. She may have done her own research and begged for the tablets. Doctors don’t always push tablets on young people, but it may be different where you are. I wonder if peers have influenced her too?

Because she says she has been happy… She says that being apart from her bf (4 days) means she cannot sleep at night because all she thinks about is him. She misses walking on the beach every day and being back home is a lot to adjust to. And she hopes that the medication will get her back on her feet.

She has said these very things herself. Must I call her a liar and accuse her of having bigger problems that warrant the medication she is taking?

Absolutely possible.

anything is possible since her reasons sound so frivolous (am I allowed to use that word?)

there is also a part of me that thinks she thinks it’s cool to be on medication.

there is another part of me which is thinking she is hoping for the weight loss / appetite suppressant benefits

the possibilities are endless. She is young and young people don’t always make the best decisions despite what other people here think.

You’re talking to people who can’t fathom a Dr prescribing benzos and SSRIs for someone saying they’ve felt depressed and anxious for 4 days. That’s the unthinkable part in the UK or anywhere with sensible prescribing policies for these drugs. It’s much easier for us to imagine your stepdaughter is not telling you what’s really bothering her rather than imagining that a Dr would prescribe in what you believe are the circumstances.
Can you tell her they are very serious meds and need ongoing monitoring which you’re happy to help her arrange is she would like your help with that?

That is the plan for us to arrange another doctor and possibly for us to see someone ourselves to better understand it.

I just thought I would ask on here if my feelings were unreasonable because we may be met with some resistance from her for the very reason the other posters are insisting…. Eg she is an adult and capable of making her own decisions.

Because she didn't come to you and tell you what was happening. You found out through her medical records.

And you say she is stating "she is an adult and capable of making her own decisions" - she doesn't want you involved and yet you keep forcing yourself into her issue, which she is dealing with in a way that she wants to do, as a 19 year old.

She does not inform us when she goes to the dentist or to the optometrist which I also see on our family medical records as we use the benefits. I do not question her then and she knows we have visibility.
Is it not possible that she views taking medication such as this so lightly and casually that she thought she didn’t need to inform us?

And you\ve been told no, you don't have a right as you shouldn't have accessed (and shared), then questioned this information in the first place, let alone come on here and used the phrases you have to describe her

And it all comes across this is purely your own stigma around people taking mental health medications and those struggling with mental health.

She's 19 - she needs (and is expressing) she wants to make this decision in her way, and how she feels is right.

My brother is institutionalized for his mental health problems. I do not have a stigma surrounding this. He takes half the dosage my daughter has been prescribed of the same medication and he is a large overweight man.

You do not know anything and I would appreciate you just leaving this thread.

You don't get to say who leaves or stays on a thread, it's a public forum and I can share my insight, opinion and knowledge and I have every right to when it comes to anti-psychiatric troops due to the insane amount of damage they cause across all aspects of our societies globally..

This isn't black and white, people can chose to take meds if they so wish, it's not your decision - your stigma has come across in the way you have described your SD on this thread (as others have pointed out).

Perhaps you need to look at why you are not able to sit with your uncomfortable feelings on psychiatric medications rather than imposing those on others? Have you sought help for your feelings relating to your brother for instance? It may be something you find useful?

People who have never lived anywhere but the UK don't understand how different prescribing is in some countries.

This question I asked earlier is really important, @stuckinthemiddlewithyou1:

Is it just a few to take as needed, or is it a repeat prescription?

At 19 she would be unlikely to understand the risks of taking benzodiazepines for more than a few days at a time (absolute max 2 weeks).

I've lived all over the World (26 countries now...) the worst place I have lived for unsafe prescribing has actually been England. For both sides of the argument (over prescribing and with holding)...

Also, AIBU is not the place for a sensitive, nuanced issue like this. You could start a thread in Mental Heath and might get more informed responses there, @stuckinthemiddlewithyou1.

@OldChairMan
to answer both your posts

• it is a repeat prescription for 6 months. Pharmacies are generally quite good at not dispensing anything more than what the doctor says. The system however is not so watertight and she could for example take the handwritten prescription and get it filled multiple times in a month which the plan would pay for out of our cash balance available for use by the family. She wouldn’t do that I’m sure as her motives for taking the meds are not malevolent. So she would have given the prescription to a pharmacy and she will have it dispensed once a month.
• I would have posted on the other forum but I find that you don’t get a response. I’ve posted before about my brother and had zero replies in what turned out to be a pretty serious situation.

you describe as "self medicating" - it's been prescribed, whatever your opinion of your health system.
If your concern is the lack of talking therapy in the equation, can you ask if she thinks counselling would help, can that be covered by your medical insurance, or health services at SDs university?

I think part of the problem here is that in the UK, these drugs would only be prescribed in absolutely dire cases. Therefore, people are thinking, based on our system, that your SD's situation must be much worse than she is letting you know. However, I appreciate that other countries have different systems and attitudes to prescribing. Also, as drugs are not branded here, the early posters probably didn't realise what they were.

I say self medicating because I believe she has diagnosed herself. I am also aware how easy it is to get medication you feel you want.

Agree.
My preferred avenue is medication as a last resort not a first resort.

I knew what the drugs were, and others did too.

And it's not true these drugs are only prescribed in dire cases here too - we have plenty of medication prescribing issues here.

We need a system that removes this pro / anti black and white thinking to make it a system that is safe for everyone to access health care for mental health in a range of modalities (including medication).

It's not your decision to make though, it's your SDs decision.

Sorry but I find this attitude quite naive.
Of course she's legally an adult but that doesn't automatically confer emotional maturity or the wisdom of life's experience.
Adults at every stage of life can often benefit from the concern of loved ones, but this is particularly so for younger people.
IMO, OP is rightly aware of the dangers of addiction to these drugs and correct to be concerned, as evidenced by her taking the trouble to post on MN.
I guess she may now be questioning this decision, but it just goes to show that life is always teaching us all lessons and SD may yet have lessons to learn about the dangers of anxiety medication.