Sad about how life has turned out

[Cinno]

Can't help but feel sad about how life has turned out as a single mum. I know I'm suppose to pretend to love it but I can't, I hate it and I'm so lonely and miserable it's not early days so no it won't "get better" I hate it the more time goes on. How do you get over the fact life hasn't turned out how you'd hoped?

@Cinno leave the two older at home to chill however they want and go out with the younger two. You don’t need to all go out together at the same time.

Take a look at Homestart. They may be able to support you.

Is it possible you're spending too much time on your phone mumsnetting and doom scrolling

I cannot date for those telling me I can I have my children full time so that is not an option. I have no time for anyone or energy I barely have the energy for the children never mind anyone else.

you make out they’re young

but now turns out all teens

She wants a man. She's been quite clear abut that.

Not all, the ages are in a comment somewhere. They’re between 8 and 13 iirc.

OP mentioned ages a few pages back already - 13, 12, 10, 7

When you say that your kids want to "chill," does that mean they are on their phones/devices all day? That could be one issue you could tackle right away.

They’re all teens op

seriously

Oh I missed that.

so when the op said they didn’t want to go out because teens?

@GreyCarpet yeah but how are you going to get there if you want to skip friendship stages altogether?

If OP just wants a hook up that’s very easily done.

I imagine she’s talking about the older two

So this weekend they wanted to chill

what about all the other weekends. What do you do with them?

I would focus on making some mum friends.

Yes they may have partners or ex’s that share custody but it doesn’t mean you can’t be friends with them.

You may also find some single parent friends in a similar situation to you.

Your kids can make friends with their kids and you can invite them round or go to a park and sit and have a chat whilst the other run about or drag them out for a walk and you can have a chat whilst walking.

Curious what do you mean about their ages OP?

I don't understand how on earth she had four in such close succession with such a useless partner. And she now wants another man! I'd have thought she would have had enough of men. Sorry to be harsh, but it annoys me so much when people don't even try to help themselves, especially when they have young children. What kind of an example is that setting?! It isn't as it we lived in an era where there was no birth control.

I totally agree.

But what can you do? If someone only wants to see the negatives that's all they'll be able to see.

My ex has a mental illness as mentioned multiple times, I did not choose for that! Ive been single 8 years and being judged for now wanting a partner? How many of you have spent 8 years celibate bet none of you have! I'm 36! I would think it's "normal" to want a partner, fancy judging me for wanting a partner after 8 years on my own ive hardly been jumping from man to man!

OP I'm sorry to say it but you will have to make more of an effort with the dc. And it will be effort but you'll all benefit enormously

You need to find a way to help your dc who was bullied & has no friends. He needs friends. It's vital. What's he interested in? Start with him. Could he try skateboarding, there's probably a skate park somewhere & you could visit

Similarly wall climbing, bike riding, swimming, bodyboarding if by the sea, cooking, baking, go to a local match, dance class, exhibitions of stuff he's into - lego / manga, geocaching, pokemon hunting, treasure hunting, hiiking whatever!

Encouraging him to get stuck into life will be fantastic for the younger ones who will see this as the norm in their lives too

It will get you all out of the house & give you things to look forward to & give you all things to plan & discuss & a level of excitement.

Letting then sit around the house on devises or watching TV is not good for anyone

What’s the point in writing this at this stage? She had 4 kids, they now exist what’s done is done. She can’t murder a couple to make her life easier.

I will say and this is meant as general observation and about myself, not the OP I think children should come with a warning like
puppies ie. Puppies aren’t just for Christmas, Children aren’t just for baby and toddlerhood when they are tiny & cute.

I still get an ache sometimes when I see tiny kids. But I’m bloody glad I didn’t have any more because it’s bloody hard.

Why not go out with your 7 year old and ten year old for an hour or two somewhere local.

The teens can stay home, and just chill.

Growing up, my mum would take me and my younger sibling to the library on the weekend between 11 - 1 for "quiet" time. My older brother (14 years old) would stay at home.

I was 11, I would browse through books, use the library computer etc. and my younger sibling would spend time in the childrens corner while our mum would enjoy her "quiet" time scrolling through magazines or take part in the weekly knitting session they had.

Yes your situation sucks, but you need to try and do things....

Frankly, I'm wondering why you had so many children with him in such short order. His mental issues can't just have appeared from nowhere. Four children is a lot.

It's half term here, we've been to soft play, out to eat, to the hello kitty cafe, to the park, they said they want downtime as the term time they are up and out early everyday they like to have time to play their games that's any teens

And you think that I haven't? I took him out of school for months when he was being bullied and they school weren't doing anything he's only just started back in January but there are no other school places in the area so I can't keep him off forever he is on the waiting list to move schools

I don’t mean it as a judgement OP I just think it seems unrealistic at the moment given you say you have no one to mind the kids, and it might make things easier to accept it.