Sad about how life has turned out

[Cinno]

Can't help but feel sad about how life has turned out as a single mum. I know I'm suppose to pretend to love it but I can't, I hate it and I'm so lonely and miserable it's not early days so no it won't "get better" I hate it the more time goes on. How do you get over the fact life hasn't turned out how you'd hoped?

I disagree.

I think finding the positives in your life can absolutely switch your mindset and life becomes easier.

It’s healthy to have a moan sometimes but being negative about your life or even just about an upcoming event is going to give you more of a negative experience, than if you tried to think positively.

I think thinking positively also makes it easier to figure out what needs changing and what you can do to change it.

The only time they would come around here is before a night out all dressed up they would come round for a few drinks then head off for their night out that made me feel even worse seeing what I was missing out on I had an active social life before children, I stopped inviting them round as it wasn't helping felt like they only come round out of pity. Or they would invite me to a restaurant but I was the only one who had to bring my kids even the ones that are single parents didn't need to as they had people that would have them so I'd show up with my kids and feel like an outsider again they would often head out for a night out after whilst I would be going home. They would only come to the park with me so they could drink in the summer and they would all sit down on the grass enjoying a picnic whilst I couldn't even sit down I would be having to constantly get up and check on my children whilst they got to sit there and relax, yes I know mine are older now so don't have to do that anymore but that's when the friendship starting drifting because we were at different stages but they didn't make me feel less alone if anything I felt more alone you can still feel lonely in a room full of people. I'm sad how my life has turned out not about finding a new man I'm sad that I was ditched and left to raise my kids alone that I never got a chance to find love again or start again and I feel trapped.

It won’t go down well

but I completely agree

@Wonderi I’m the opposite. It’s make me sound like a crap mum but I couldn’t wait until my DD got older and I could finally have some of my life back.

I’m right there with you lol. My DD is going through a bit of a slump with transitioning into adulthood and I hate it, I was so looking forward to having time for myself with her away for uni (and that didn’t happen).

Op you talk as though you’re the only single parent with no ex on the scene on the planet

spend maybe 1 minute on mumsnet to realise that you’re in ENORMOUS company

OP there are other women out there like you. Many post on MNs. And many people have messy shitty and lonely lives.

You don’t have to spend the next 5 years chained to the kitchen sink.

In fact, I shouldn’t have said 5 years, in 2 years you’ll have a 15 year old and your youngest will be 10. They can be left together.

You can continue to wallow but not only will it not achieve anything it will likely have a negative impact on your MH and your kids.

You choose to have 4 kids, you didn’t expect their father would abandon you all, it’s shit but it also is what it is.

Pull yourself out of this. Join internet support groups and log on in the evenings for a chat. There are 64 million people in the UK, I can guarantee you a decent chunk of them are lonely AF.

A man might not happen anytime soon and the only way to deal with that is accept it.

That’s probably why they don’t want to do stuff either. I would guess OP is constantly on edge and they pick up on it. No one wants to be around strung out parents no matter how well the parent tries to hide it.

What did you do today, Sunday @Cinno ?
What did your children do?

I've been there.
Being betrayed and left is shite, it's a loss and having to sit with that is hard. The person you took a chance on to have children with hugely let's you down and it's a wound. And then you have to parent on your own with that wound.. tough!
You are grieving.

Take it one day at a time, 3 meals a day, a wash or shower a day, clean clothes, gentle activities with the kids colouring etc (not sure the ages). Try and move your body once a day.
You are allowed a space to take it easy. 🌸

I think some people seem very lucky in that they pick "the right one" who will stick by them and so on. Others aren't so lucky and we learn too late...

I think reaching out for support if you can is important even if it's just someone to come over and have a cuppa with so not just you and the kids.

I agree you sound depressed so looking into support for that could be helpful. Some counselling and perhaps medication if you are open to it. Loss is a huge trigger for depression.

Take it easy and I hope things get a little lighter and brighter for you my love.

What I will say is although for me being left was hard, it knew actually in retrospect the relationship was not healthy and it's given me time to reflect on that and think about what I need in a husband.

Take care 🌸

Agreed. The more I think about it, the worse I feel for them. OP, I'm going to give some tough love. It is your DUTY to be more positive for your children. You chose to have them, so you need to be the best you can for them, otherwise they will have awful issues. You don't want them to be making threads a few decades down the line, saying how miserable they are. Eight is an especially vulnerable age, that child will be picking up on far more than you realise. You need to stop wallowing and start thinking through your situation.

Nothing, they didn't want to go out. School starts tomorrow and they said they didn't want to go out on the last day because they want to chill at home.

I think you need to refocus. you seem to be intent on thinking if you get a new partner your life will somehow be wonderful. As a pp said though, you are in no frame of mind to get a decent mad. you need to focus on yourself and building yourself up, being happy before you even entertain any idea about dating

Ok, you do just want to stamp your feet and shout that it’s unfair…. and if that’s where you are then there’s nothing any of us here can do. I hope (for both your own and especially your kids’ sakes) that you find a way forward.

Well so do I tbh.

Fgs op
do you just say to them “do you wanna do something ?” With a face like a smacked arse And expect them to spoon feed you?

they are children. You are there ONLY parent. YOUarrange stuff

you mean to say you’ve all just spent the weekend wallowing inside? Same as every weekend?

I dont think there's anyone who wouldn't find raising 4 DCs solo vvv difficult.

I imagine you omitted the 4dc from your op because people would jump on that.

I don't think that'd be fair but is it part of the issue.

I'd only have the number of DCs I felt I could raise solo.

I'd advise all women the same.

Your life will be substantially easier in 5 years time and completely different in a decade.

There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Well life isn’t static. Things can change so change them.

make a list about what parts of your life are mess. And start working you way through it. One step at a time. Get an accountability buddy of you think that would help to hold your feet to the fire.

doing life alone if that’s not what you want can be hard and lonely. It’s ok to acknowledge that. But don’t wallow get proactive

What do you mean that you did "nothing" today? How did you spend your time? What did your children do all day?

I don't think that just that I don't know anyone irl in the same situation. Even online the majority seem to have an ex involved as I've searched for support groups in the past.

oh quit the faux pity op

and parent the fuck up

Are you very very new to mumsnet? As in the last few hours?

Nope we went out yesterday. Please explain to me how I drag teens out of the house that don't want to go? They said as it's the last day they would rather have a chill day today as it's usually rushing around all week they wanted to stay in today.

You need to sort your head out for your kids

Ah so finally we get some ages

they are teenagers

You've guess correct. I usually avoid mentioning I have 4 because people become extremely nasty about it. I wouldn't usually put their ages as I know what people are like on here.