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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I really don't like my nephew

179 replies

Dellspoem · 22/02/2025 23:00

He is living with us at the moment as a stop gap, we offered to help him out because things completely broke down at home and he had nowhere else to go. Hes 23 and the agreement was to live with us for a few months while he found a job and got back on his feet. That was back in August after he graduated.

He's just always trying to prove a point. He's always combative, argues with absolutely everything and doesn't respect anything I say - I'm an old person, a millennial, millennials are sad and pathetic (which is a whole thing with this generation). His entire belief system is based on what he sees online. He wakes up at 12, 1, 2pm every day. He hasn't found a job, and it's been six months. We've offered to get him in touch with our friend who works in his industry but no doesn't want to do that. Walks around with headphones in and can't hear us/ I think he's purposefully ignoring us. I suggested printing off CVs and walking up and down the high street giving it to restaurants and shops. He said no, that's so old fashioned no one does that anymore. Claiming universal credit and spending all day chatting to mates and playing games.

He doesn't get on with his parents (my brother and sister in law) and since he was a teenager I've said my doors are always open, I'm your aunty and I love you, that's what I'm here for. But bloody hell am I close to closing/ slamming those doors shut. He refuses to go back home, or to his grans, he just wants to live here. My husband has now asked him to start paying rent - £300 a month initially and increasing by 100 every month until it reaches market price.

His mum point blank refuses to have him back home. I'm sick and tired of her and her stupid offspring. I've just got to a point now I hate having him around. I hate seeing him in the 'morning' (today he woke up at 2.30pm) and casually came downstairs to ask how I am; DH is away and I am looking after my newborn and 2 year old. If (and when that was me) staying with my aunt I would have woken up early to help with the house and kids.

Urgh. And the worst thing is I'm now convinced I'm going to be a horrid mother to teenagers because I don't have patience for this.

Anyway AIBU let me hear your thoughts.

OP posts:
Dogsbreath7 · 01/03/2025 08:00

fourelementary · 22/02/2025 23:11

You need to stop accepting this and arrange a meeting. He is an adult and he needs to step up and act like one. The agreement was that he stayed for a few months whilst he looked for a job. He has outstayed his welcome and is not holding up his end of the bargain. Don’t get angry, just make some new plans and steps he agrees to that get reviewed. Discuss respect and how he can improve his respectful behaviour and what you no longer want to accept from him- eg disrespectful comments etc.

FWIW I wouldn’t expect a 23 year old man to offer to help out with a baby or toddler unless he was a dad himself tbh. So on that one sorry but you’re expecting too much.

Not help with the baby but help with chores so she can look after the baby.

But your comment is a bit gender stereo typing isn’t it? Young women are expected to and that’s how we are expected to be good mums through osmosis. Perhaps if more young men (he is a man dont you know) or boys were involved they wouldn’t turn into the shit Dads that you here so much of on MN!

magicnumber1 · 01/03/2025 08:11

He sounds depressed. Maybe he should go to the GP. This isn't normal behaviour for a 23 year old.

ooooohnoooooo · 01/03/2025 09:28

Oh dear. Time for some very straight talking.

Firstly get alignment between you and DP about what you need to happen.

The work out a plan and timeline for getting there.

Then sit down together with him. Calmly tell him what the plan is. This is not up for negotiation. It's your house and he needs to respect that. He may cry , beg and plead but you need to stand firm - together.

He needs help to grow up and this is part of it.

You have been extremely patient ,supportive and kind up to now. Auntying of the highest calibre. This is part of that - help him to get unstuck and move on. And reclaim your home and life at the same time.

Do you really want to look back at babyhood of your youngest and remember having to share it with this bone idle man? No didn't think so.

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/03/2025 09:48

It is if they can get away with it. He’s taking the absolute piss and he knows it. He also knows if he cries he can carry on doing fuck all while OP skivvies for him while trying to care for her own kids.

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