My new boyfriend hates me speaking to my kids dad

[Purplepanda17]

So I've been with a new boyfriend for about 5/6 months and right from day one he's always hated me speaking to my kids dad.
Me and him split up about 5 years ago, when our youngest was under a year old, and we've always co-parented well together, and communicated well regarding our 2 kids. I get on well with his new partner and also communicate with her well too.
However my last partner hated my speaking to my baby daddy, and now my new partner does too. My new partner seems to get angry and really jealous.
So a typical convo with my baby daddy might go something like;
Him - hi, how are the boys today? I'll be finishing work at 5 so I can pick them up on my way home and give them some tea.
Me - The boys are fine and OK that's great thanks.

Or he might ask me questions about school, or I'll text him and tell him if something has happened that he needs to know about, but generally when we talk it's regarding who's house the kids are at and who's doing them tea. Nothing more.

My new partner says I flirt with him and I've still got feelings for him and I shouldn't talk to him as nicely as I do. He gets insanely jealous if me and my kids dad have to ring each other for something and says we flirt on the phone. Which I can guarantee we don't. He says our texts should be short one word answers and we don't need to tell each other things about the kids.
To me, I think this is wrong. Both the kids are still in primary school, they aren't old enough to remember to tell their parents things yet so they still need both their parents to be their voice.
Also when me and their dad split up, we both agreed we'd never argue or be angry infront of the kids, because we only ever wanted them to see us getting along, but now I have a new partner, I feel like I can't even talk to the kids dad about anything without my partner being jealous.

Am I being unreasonable here?

This guy is not the one. Get rid.

I couldn't agree more !

No way should anyone dictate how you communicate with your children's father, you are both very lucky that your relationship is amiable and supportive ,with his partner included also.
These people are going to be in your life for a very long time and you need each other, don't jeopardize the good thing you have.
Get rid of this one asap and any others in the future who do the same.

After 5/6 months, your boyfriend shouldn't even have been introduced to your kids never mind seemingly be spending so much time at yours that he is aware of your children's comings and goings and your text conversations with your ex. How does he even know what you are saying to each other?

I only had to read your title to wonder why you had to ask for advice - ditch him fast. No 'adult' and I use the term loosely here, should impair your relationship with anyone that could have a negative impact on your children. Your children, and their welfare, should ALWAYS come first. If he really liked you, he would respect that.

You are doing such a great job at successfully co-parenting. Please leave the BF - quickly, as he won't get any better. Looks after yourself and your lovely family. Good luck!

Get rid. It will only get worse!

This man is a walking red flag. The one good thing he has done is show you his true colours this early on. It won’t get better. Run for the sake of yourself and your babies.

Bloody well done for having such a great co-parenting relationship by the way!

Maybe ask yourself why you feel the need to be so people pleasing? Just because some mumsnet users are sneering at the use of ‘baby daddy’ doesn’t mean you need to apologise for using it. It’s a common term in popular culture and you used it correctly to describe your relationship with your ex. Just because something isn’t middle class doesn’t make it wrong.

This..plus please stop with the baby daddy stuff. This is not a good man..get rid immediately

Sounds like he is jealous and insecure. Don’t ruin your good co parenting relationship with your ex over this. Your kids come first here not your partners ego

Your last two boyfriends don't like your ex. Why? Is there a reason why your choice in men have regressed to jealous and immature boys? They see you are on good terms with your ex and his partner, which is quite rare but nice. Rather than them be happy for a drama-free life of no arguments, they're whining about you talking to him about your children? That's ridiculous. Ask yourself why these new men you were/are seeing are so insecure? Or are you subconsciously choosing crappy men compared to your ex because you still have feelings for him?

Yep!!!

The man is a twat yet posters are more focused on OP’s use of words than his behaviour.

Like you say, no wonder so many women are treated so poorly or not taken seriously, when even other women are so judgemental over such minor things.

I am with the group saying I’d be calling time on the new relationship. I’m a detective who deals with DV and about 80% of the men I deal
with accuse their partners of flirting with exes and similar. I can’t imagine being investigated for violence/sexual violence is a massive coincidence.

i don’t want to sound judgemental although pretty sure I will as I can’t think how else to word it - but next time I’d take it a lot slower before introducing a new man to the DC. It sounds like he’s there a lot if he’s there when they’re being dropped off. This is way too fast. Do the kids like him? How will they feel when you give him the boot?

Have you done a Claire’s and/or Sarah’s Law on this man? If not, do so next time. I can’t imagine it’s the first time he’s been controlling towards a partner.

Op has dated two man that don't like her ex and have a problem with them yes that don't wear a sign but it's interesting that two men she has dated both haven't liked her ex so obviously she needs to consider the type of men she is going for..

Yeah, I was going to say the same. "Baby daddy" is so fucking awful. Also, just why? Just say father or the kid's dad.

OP, I also think you need to work on your self esteem. This is the second time in a row you've ended up in a relationship with a jealous and controlling man.

Tell him to get to fuck. Who the hell does he think he is, Mr Johnny Come Lately, trying to tell you how to coparent?!

@Purplepanda17 first thing first
Well done for having the maturity to develop such a good co parenting relationship with your ex. You (both tbh) did great so please continue to deal with things like this! Something many people/parents could learn to do tbh.

Then apart from what others have said about LTB etc… please be careful to not a kid with this man. Can you imagine having to coparenting with someone holding that sort of ideas?!? (And yes I’m thinking accident there rather than ‘let’s make a baby together’ decision)

Dump him, it won't get any better than this.

YABU to go out with such a douchebag. It will only get worse from here. You know what you need to do.

FGS pick better partners. This is not a mature or loving man. It doesn't bode well for him being nice to your children either.

Dump the boyfriend. He has issues.

Baby daddy. FFS!

This will get worse - tell him to fuck off!! there is nothing more important than your kids safety and happiness- that includes co parenting well.

There is no choice to make for me - this is clear - you finish the relationship.

This is nuts, why shouldn’t you wave to their dad?

You don’t need to use the Dc as an excuse if you wanted to speak to him.

and lastly….

presumably you and their dad has sex at least least twice and he’s seen every part of you, why would a bit of ankle turn him on?
unless of course he’s some Victorian relic.

bin him.

lol your boyfriend is an idiot. Actually its not funny, this is quite serious. The coercive control from him is real. If I was the ex, I'd be concerned about my kids being around him to be honest.

What’s so difficult about saying my children’s dad?? And why have you put up with his idiot for 5/6 months??