My new boyfriend hates me speaking to my kids dad

[Purplepanda17]

So I've been with a new boyfriend for about 5/6 months and right from day one he's always hated me speaking to my kids dad.
Me and him split up about 5 years ago, when our youngest was under a year old, and we've always co-parented well together, and communicated well regarding our 2 kids. I get on well with his new partner and also communicate with her well too.
However my last partner hated my speaking to my baby daddy, and now my new partner does too. My new partner seems to get angry and really jealous.
So a typical convo with my baby daddy might go something like;
Him - hi, how are the boys today? I'll be finishing work at 5 so I can pick them up on my way home and give them some tea.
Me - The boys are fine and OK that's great thanks.

Or he might ask me questions about school, or I'll text him and tell him if something has happened that he needs to know about, but generally when we talk it's regarding who's house the kids are at and who's doing them tea. Nothing more.

My new partner says I flirt with him and I've still got feelings for him and I shouldn't talk to him as nicely as I do. He gets insanely jealous if me and my kids dad have to ring each other for something and says we flirt on the phone. Which I can guarantee we don't. He says our texts should be short one word answers and we don't need to tell each other things about the kids.
To me, I think this is wrong. Both the kids are still in primary school, they aren't old enough to remember to tell their parents things yet so they still need both their parents to be their voice.
Also when me and their dad split up, we both agreed we'd never argue or be angry infront of the kids, because we only ever wanted them to see us getting along, but now I have a new partner, I feel like I can't even talk to the kids dad about anything without my partner being jealous.

Am I being unreasonable here?

Get over it!! She has apologised numerous times for goodness sake!!

I totally get that, my last partner I was with, we had a 3 year relationship, he was the first person I'd dated after splitting up with the boys dad.
Then after me and him split up, I started dating this new guy.
I just want to point out that I don't make a habit of dating like loads of men, and the kids have a new 'uncle' every week 🤣🤣

Well @Purplepanda17 you obviously have the kind of lower legs that drive men absolutely wild😁.

I think you have now realised that this boyfriend needs to go. His behaviour and reactions to you and your childrens' father is jealous, irrational and controlling.

It is wonderful that you and the DCs dad have managed to maintain such a mutually respectful and supportive parenting relationship and obviously the DC really benefit from this. The fact that another man would be willing to ruin this for your kids tells you what a selfish bastard he is. Throw this one back.

I have already apologised numerous times for 'baby daddy'
I'm a 34 year old woman not a teenager 🤦‍♀️

Well done on making this all about you and offering no useful advice.

OP, you can call him whatever the hell you want - even Geoff if you want to. The BF is exhibiting jealous and controlling attitudes and behaviours. It is good for your children that you have a positive coparenting relationship with their father/baby daddy/Geoff and that is more important that kowtowing to this aggressive nincompoop’s diktats on how you should communicate with the important people in your life. Your kids come first and you need to communicate and nurture the relationships that are best for them.

🤢 please run.

It literally means the same thing.

Why are people getting caught up on the semantics and not the fact that OP is with an absolute tosser.

OP I don’t know why you didn’t end things the first time he said anything like this but I’m glad you’re going to end it now.

There are thousands of single men in the world.
Don’t choose one that is jealous.

Poor you with the baby daddy comments 😆.

This guy has to go. I remember my first boyfriend when I was 15 being like this, telling me that I fancied his friends or that I'd been flirting with people. At that age he really had me asking myself if I had, I absolutely had not though. It is absolutely not ok for him to try to control your actions because of his insecurities.

It sounds like you have a great co parenting situation that not everyone can achieve, which will be the best thing for your kids' long term happiness. Don't let this arsehole compromise that and definitely don't agree to stop talking and waving to their dad.

I already asked admin to alter the title of my post so it no longer said baby daddy 🤣
Geoff, that really tickled me though 🤣

Yes, YABU calling this loser a boyfriend. Hope the next one is more grown-up.

The op put up a post that to my mind details,at the very least ,the start of coercive control and emotional abuse by a partner ,that could one day effect two small children. But never mind that!!! Let's focus on the fact she said Baby Daddy!!! No wonder so many men think they can treat women so poorly when this is how women are treated when they ask for advice!!

Thank you 💕

That's coercive control.
You either dump him, or request a Clare's Law check and then dump him.

Didn't need to read past the title to say Dump Him.

Anything that risks a successful coparenting relationship is damaging to your child so it's a non starter.

That's ignoring the massive red flag of how much worse his controlling behaviour will get. I bet he already punishes you for talking to him (ingores you, sulks) hoping you'll be "trained" to obey him and in response you're already adjusting your behaviour to appease him (hiding your contact, changing how you talk to ex etc.)

Ditch any man who can't cope with you having positive, civilized and even friendly ongoing contact with the father of your children. That kind of fragile ego and controlling tendency is never going to lead to a happy relationship. The fact that you have had 2 partners in a row who have a problem with this moght suggest you have a unhealthy attraction towards deeply flawed nasty jealous types. You would benefit from being single for a bit and having some counselling to work out what attracts you to this unhappy situation and help you to develop a new set of criteria for attraction that will select an emotionally balanced person next.

This. LTB. He is showing you he doesn't care about your kids' wellbeing as well as being jealous and controlling. He will only get worse.

The only unreasonable thing is pandering to your new partners idiocy regarding these things, and keeping him in your life.

Eg re the snoodie / changing into joggers - the only sane response is "don't be ridiculous" and then to carry on what you were doing, not to get changed!

Please tell him to leave, like, immediately!

They don’t come with a sign on their forehead. And ofc OP is blamed for doing absolutely nothing wrong.

Bin him off. He sounds like a dickhead and won’t get nicer as your lives become more involved.
You deserve a relationship with a grown-up, not a petulant man-baby.

OP, I think the question here is why you tolerated any of this? The things this man has said to you are obviously insane and controlling, so why haven’t you told him to eff off and stood your ground? Presumably, you were similarly cooperative with your last ridiculous boyfriend?

I agree that you should dump him, and I hope you do. However, the real issue appears to be your propensity to let arseholes tell you what to do. You’re a grown woman with agency - you can say ‘no, you’re being ridiculous and if you don’t stop, we’re going to have a problem’.

Definitely get out now! I got mixed up with a guy years ago who was like this; jealous of my kids' dad. He'd come with me to drop dc off and sit in the car watching to make sure I had no conversation at the door. He'd grill me if anything was said!

I got pregnant by accident (pill failure) and was 99% sure I wasn't going to keep it. When I told him he was more interested in knowing what was said in a conversation with ex dh at the door drop off than the fact I'd said I was pregnant so that made the decision very easy then to terminate, and thank goodness I did or I'd be stuck with him in my life forever!

He turned violent and was a nasty piece of work (lovely at the beginning), and your bloke will turn nasty too. Maybe not violent, but your life will be miserable! Please get out!

@Ryleightown
The op herself has given about 5 examples of behaviour, that at the very first time, she should have ended the relationship. I am sure there were many more than 5. So, no, you're right that it isn't the op that is the arsehole. But, she has dc, she owes it to them to learn to spot giant red flags and not bring them in to contact with such a person. Thankfully, she has been able to take the comments on board and learn. Which is great news for her kids.

Urgh get rid, life is far too short to put up with immature twats like this

More red flags 🚩 🚩 than a morse code convention