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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

High earner partner moved in - CB lost

144 replies

WhoevenamIinlife · 22/02/2025 11:25

Hi everyone just looking for perspectives.
My partner has been living with me covering 50% of bills and rent since day one. Recently has moved to a higher wage bracket which means I am no longer entitled to CB for my children (2 not his).
we initially agreed I would keep the CB and he would pay back the tax bill which I thought was fair as I lost out on other things too ie childcare, single discount council tax and also the fact we have separate finances and it wasn't one pot.
He has since raised it with me after paying the tax bill saying it wasn't fair and he would rather just give me that money for the kids without going through HMRC and thinks I should be more flexible as he pays more when we go out etc, household big shops and he does pay/contribute more which cancels out the CB and was quite offended when I said no I prefer it like this because this is not YOU giving me money this is the CB coming directly to me taking away anyone else's power over it. I have told him when we buy together in future and split bills percentage wise I will just stop the CB as it's no longer needed as we run the household together. Just for clarity partners income is just over 3 x mine but will cover huge costs ie a family trip for 5 abroad all his costs, household repairs. Because I have been financially stung before am I being too overly cautious resulting in being greedy?

AIBU?

OP posts:
Glorybox2025 · 22/02/2025 11:27

Are you not significantly more than £150 a month better off since he lives with you? If not, you need to rethink your financial situation! YABU, doing it the way you do it is a faff and silly. If he's willing to give you the money each month instead for the benefit of living with you then take it.

Newname85 · 22/02/2025 11:29

You have no problem getting him to pay for fancy holidays, large expenses etc but have a problem taking £150!??

JacquesHarlow · 22/02/2025 11:29

Hi everyone just looking for perspectives.

Try the Money Matters forum then , @WhoevenamIinlife

whowhatwerewhy · 22/02/2025 11:29

I'm with your OH , why faf around with tax bills when he can pay you directly. Unless this is more about you not trusting him .

Whammyyammy · 22/02/2025 11:30

Newname85 · 22/02/2025 11:29

You have no problem getting him to pay for fancy holidays, large expenses etc but have a problem taking £150!??

This.

Completelyjo · 22/02/2025 11:31

I mean he’s covering 50% of rent and bills, including a lot of the food and holidays etc when you have 2 children so I see his point that the £150 a month more than balances out from him financially contributing to things your children benefit from.

Knickerbockergrolia · 22/02/2025 11:33

Do you work? Receiving CB automatically gives you National Insurance credits, which count towards your State Pension - so if this makes a difference for you you should definitely keep make sure you keep receiving it

mummaofthreeboys · 22/02/2025 11:34

Do you need to receive CB for your NI contributions or are you getting that through your own earnings? I encouraged my husband to keep receiving CB with me paying them back through tax (as the higher earner) for his pension in the long term. Don't give up receiving CB if your earnings don't ensure your NI is paid.

Sinkintotheswamp · 22/02/2025 11:36

As above. You need the child benefit box ticked as it counts towards your pension.

averylongtimeago · 22/02/2025 11:37

If you are not working while your children are young, claiming child benefit entitles you to NI credits towards your pension.
It is worth claiming, even if you (as a couple) end up paying it all back in tax.
The point at which you start paying tax on CB is now £60k, so if I were you I would pay back the amount of tax paid and keep your pension rights.

www.gov.uk/child-benefit-tax-charge

Bankholidayhelp · 22/02/2025 11:37

You can 'claim' child benefit without receiving any cash, but keeping the NI contribution bit.

If you do this and then DP gives you the money you've lost, seems to make sense. You can always update the claim if he turns into an arse, and decides he's not giving you that bit

OneForTheRoadThen · 22/02/2025 11:38

You can still opt in to child benefit but choose not to receive it if your partner is a high earner. Then you still get the NI credits without having to pay back anything.

EmmasDilemmas · 22/02/2025 11:42

Is the tax charge the only reason he has to file a tax return? If so I get his point as that’s a bit of a faff: is he is willing to pay you the CB I would just amend your claim to be a jon payment one and stop the claim / return for now.

If he has to do a tax return anyway then I think either way is fine.

CinnamonJellyBeans · 22/02/2025 11:43

Provided your NI contributions from paid employment means that your state pension employment is covered, you no longer need your child benefit.

If you are unemployed, you should continue to draw child benefit in your name and find a way to pay the tax that suits you and your partner.

I'm not sure that you're still entitled to single discount council tax if your partner lives with you. If yiu continue to claim this benefit you could be in legal bother

My personal opinion is that if you wish to continue claiming child benefit, in a household that is above the income threshold, you should hand that money directly to your partner and let him use it to offset his increased tax bill

CinnamonJellyBeans · 22/02/2025 11:45

Have just seen the useful info about getting NI credits without the monetary benefit. Yes, yiu should do this if you are unemployed

Garlicgarlicgarlic · 22/02/2025 11:51

I don't think it's fair for him to be paying for big shops, holidays and 50% of bills. One of him and three of you.

Completelyjo · 22/02/2025 11:51

The OP earns at least 23k so she doesn’t need the child benefit for pension reasons. It’s literally in her OP.

Fifthtimelucky · 22/02/2025 11:54

It seems odd to suggest that you are losing out on the single person council tax discount.

You were paying 75% of the normal council tax. If, as you say, your partner is paying half of the bills you are now paying 50% of the council tax.

dementedpixie · 22/02/2025 12:05

You can apply for CB and opt out of taking the CB payment and still retain the NI credits if you were a low earner/not working.
You can opt back in if circumstances change

thirdfiddle · 22/02/2025 12:07

I think YANBU. As a higher rate tax payer he'd be filling in the tax return anyway. Beyond that it's just ticking a box, probably easier than arranging to give you money direct. Also it tapers if he's only just crossed the threshold, so he wouldn't be paying back as much as the full CB.

CandidHedgehog · 22/02/2025 12:11

thirdfiddle · 22/02/2025 12:07

I think YANBU. As a higher rate tax payer he'd be filling in the tax return anyway. Beyond that it's just ticking a box, probably easier than arranging to give you money direct. Also it tapers if he's only just crossed the threshold, so he wouldn't be paying back as much as the full CB.

Not necessarily. A tax return isn’t needed until someone earns over £150,000 if they are taxed via PAYE and none of the other qualifying requirements are met.

It might well be the child benefit is the only reason a tax return is needed.

https://www.gov.uk/self-assessment-tax-returns/who-must-send-a-tax-return

P00hsticks · 22/02/2025 12:13

Knickerbockergrolia · 22/02/2025 11:33

Do you work? Receiving CB automatically gives you National Insurance credits, which count towards your State Pension - so if this makes a difference for you you should definitely keep make sure you keep receiving it

you can specify that you just want the credits without the money though....

WhatWasPromised · 22/02/2025 12:14

As others have said, you can claim CB but not receive the money. I’ve done this for years.

I think YABU too, it would be a lot simpler for him to just give you the cash.

ThatAgileLimeCat · 22/02/2025 12:15

Which tax band is he in? If it's higher rate then he may well have to complete a tax return purely down to the child benefit, which does seem crazy especially as he's contributing to all rent and bills and therefore subsidising the costs of your children

If he's top rate then he would have to do one anyway and with such a high income the 50pwr.cent of bills does seem a little unfair as he would then have loads more disposable income than you.

Having said that, if you have decided to keep finances separate then that's what you have decided and nobody is being unreasonable.

Glorybox2025 · 22/02/2025 12:18

ThatAgileLimeCat · 22/02/2025 12:15

Which tax band is he in? If it's higher rate then he may well have to complete a tax return purely down to the child benefit, which does seem crazy especially as he's contributing to all rent and bills and therefore subsidising the costs of your children

If he's top rate then he would have to do one anyway and with such a high income the 50pwr.cent of bills does seem a little unfair as he would then have loads more disposable income than you.

Having said that, if you have decided to keep finances separate then that's what you have decided and nobody is being unreasonable.

If his wage increase has just tipped him into the bracket that doesn't get CB then he will only be earning the 40% rate so not a top rate taxpayer

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