High earner partner moved in - CB lost

[WhoevenamIinlife]

Hi everyone just looking for perspectives.
My partner has been living with me covering 50% of bills and rent since day one. Recently has moved to a higher wage bracket which means I am no longer entitled to CB for my children (2 not his).
we initially agreed I would keep the CB and he would pay back the tax bill which I thought was fair as I lost out on other things too ie childcare, single discount council tax and also the fact we have separate finances and it wasn't one pot.
He has since raised it with me after paying the tax bill saying it wasn't fair and he would rather just give me that money for the kids without going through HMRC and thinks I should be more flexible as he pays more when we go out etc, household big shops and he does pay/contribute more which cancels out the CB and was quite offended when I said no I prefer it like this because this is not YOU giving me money this is the CB coming directly to me taking away anyone else's power over it. I have told him when we buy together in future and split bills percentage wise I will just stop the CB as it's no longer needed as we run the household together. Just for clarity partners income is just over 3 x mine but will cover huge costs ie a family trip for 5 abroad all his costs, household repairs. Because I have been financially stung before am I being too overly cautious resulting in being greedy?

AIBU?

Exactly - all seems a bit silly

I think you’re missing the point here: you are no longer entitled to child benefit and council tax discount because your household income has gone up! Your partner shouldn’t be repaying you for the loss of it. Your rent, bills and food shops have gone down by 50% since he moved in, that’s his contribution. He shouldn’t be effectively paying you child benefit for children that aren’t his.

If you choose to move in together then of course you lose the benefits of being a single adult/low income household. YABU.

He said he would give you the money for the kids so you're being unreasonable. If he's happy to pay towards the childcare and also pays for house repairs, big shops and holidays, then I hardly think you are missing out much. If it didn't work out for whatever reason, you could claim it again.

I appreciate the range of responses - I'm conflicted because yes he pays for more than his share but I dnt know why the CB thing scares me. It's like I'm giving up stuff for a man again. lol. But writing it down here has made me realise how crap I've been. And it's no reflection of him more me and my traumas.

But the OP has no access to his money but has lost CB, council tax discount and her food and bills will have increased with him there.

This is why I wouldn't move in OP without discussing finances first and going 50/50. If you're not ready for that, don't live together.

It's like I'm giving up stuff for a man again. lol.

But you ARE. All your spidey senses are saying don't do this. Don't disadvantage yourself and your children in any way financially for a man. And they are right.

If you have found a way to feel ok re your arrangement with CB, stick with it. And be very cautious, because as you know as a cohabitee you have no legal protection if things go pear shape.

So what I do is save the CB so that when partner has to pay it back I transfer it to him. It’s a bonkers system that the government does, but if he to leave me then I’d still get it, so it’s a win-win for everybody.

He can arrange for the CB money to go into her account every month, and any other income like money towards childcare fees. If their relationship doesn't work out, she can reclaim it.

But can’t you just start claiming it again if it does all go Pete tong?

i own the house, mortgaged. Partner pays 50% running costs and will cover all OUR child's costs.
often my other two children's costs too. He's generous in nature and has never said no always offered and we did discuss CB when he gt the higher paid job offer to which I suggested I carry on receiving the CB and he can repay the bill as he gets the increase in pay not me and he agreed.
After paying the tax bill recently and the faff he asked me if I could stop claiming and he covers extra costs for me and would pay me towards the kids extra a month to cover the CB loss, which initially I was no. For reasons I don't know maybe past experiences. He has done nothing to make me think he will screw me over in the past 6 years but my previous experience/trauma runs deep. Hence why I made this post for insight if I was being unreasonable.

In that case, as others have said, Claim the CB yourself - but amend it to opt out of receiving cash. This protects your NI contributions if something happens in the future and he won't need to do a tax return. Having to do one is an absolute pain in the butt, if he doesn't have to. It won't help him when he comes to filling out the Tax return for this current year, but he won't then have to do one for the 2025/2026 year if you do that before April.

You aren't losing anything. Appreciate your concern, but it really is misplaced. You can reapply to get it paid again if things don't work out with your partner. Sounds like you ARE still better off financially since he has moved in, which is surely a plus?

I don't think you have anything to worry about. You're gaining quite a lot if he's paying half the running costs for a house that is basically yours. I can understand things in the past might worry you, but in this situation you should be fine and you can always reclaim anything you might be entitled to in the future. HMRC can be a complete pain to deal with so I can understand why he doesn't want to bother if he doesn't need to.

They're not his kids.

Get married, get a joint account and each pay the same % of your income income into it each month. Even if you've been stung before this sort of faffing about will make him think you're just not committed.

If I was your DP and paying out for family holidays and house repairs I would feel quite offended that you felt the need to have CB for control. If there are no signs that he is financially abusive I would let it go.

If he's paying half your bills and pays for two kids that aren't hunting on holiday I'd say you were getting a good deal...CB is what £150 per month....he's contributing more than that. Surely you are better off financially now there is a second adult in the home and have a better lifestyle ie holidays? Anything else is a tad grabby

You didn't lose on the council tax though. Instead of paying 75% you are now paying 50%, surely?

Would getting married be a great idea, since OP owns her own home? It's less risky to just keep him as a cohabiting boyfriend.

Not true, I am a higher earner and the only reason I did a tax return was to pay back CB. As soon as I lost it all we stopped claiming the payment.

OP does your DH loose all of the CB? If he’s on the sliding scale to loosing it he’d be better off doing the return. If he pays it all back then I can see his point - unless you are saving it and making a small amount of interest on it, remembering to do you tax return and pay it back is, while not a big task, a pain.

I think you're extremely lucky to be with a guy who contributes financially towards two children that aren't his. On the face of it you're benefitting massively

Not true, I am a higher earner and the only reason I did a tax return was to pay back CB. As soon as I lost it all we stopped claiming the payment.

Always a school day on MN! Now wondering if I've been filling the damn things in unnecessarily. Though it's not a big deal now I've got the hang of what information I need to keep.

Sounds a bit greedy if he is paying 50% rents and bills for your kids and holidays.

Not a chance. I claim it and DH pays it back in tax. Not claiming it means if we suddenly needed it, if DH lost his job, it would take time to basin it. Plus it is crucial that you at least register that you’re entitled so you protect your state pension credits.

I'd get it off him directly, would be so much easier.