High earner partner moved in - CB lost

[WhoevenamIinlife]

Hi everyone just looking for perspectives.
My partner has been living with me covering 50% of bills and rent since day one. Recently has moved to a higher wage bracket which means I am no longer entitled to CB for my children (2 not his).
we initially agreed I would keep the CB and he would pay back the tax bill which I thought was fair as I lost out on other things too ie childcare, single discount council tax and also the fact we have separate finances and it wasn't one pot.
He has since raised it with me after paying the tax bill saying it wasn't fair and he would rather just give me that money for the kids without going through HMRC and thinks I should be more flexible as he pays more when we go out etc, household big shops and he does pay/contribute more which cancels out the CB and was quite offended when I said no I prefer it like this because this is not YOU giving me money this is the CB coming directly to me taking away anyone else's power over it. I have told him when we buy together in future and split bills percentage wise I will just stop the CB as it's no longer needed as we run the household together. Just for clarity partners income is just over 3 x mine but will cover huge costs ie a family trip for 5 abroad all his costs, household repairs. Because I have been financially stung before am I being too overly cautious resulting in being greedy?

AIBU?

It’s a right faff to do a tax return for this. Your DP is not being unreasonable.

You lose CB for living with your partner who is not the father of your children?

If someone in the household earns £60k or more then some or all of CB needs to be paid back. Once that person reaches £80k the full amount would be paid back.

The higher earner registers for self assessment and completes a tax return in order to pay the CB back.

That’s fascinating to know! So it expects the higher earner to take on some degree of financial accountability for children in the home whether they are the parent or not (and I assume the caveat is the higher earner in the home must be in a relationship with the parent claiming CB.

I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about OP. You're at an awkward stage. If you were younger and child-free you'd probably be renting together and seeing how you liked living together, and yes each contributing 50% of rent. As you already have a house, it's kind of operating as him renting 50% of the property from you. I'm assuming he's paying you a proportion of your mortgage not a proportion of a market rent, so he's getting to live very cheaply for a renting situation. It is a win-win, and it sounds like you both recognise that. In some ways less of a win for you because you got reduced income and reduced costs whereas he just got reduced costs. In other ways you come out better. It's complicated and at some point in relationships we do stop counting.

What about your shared child? Do you do more of the childcare there or pretty even? That would also be a balancing factor in fairness.

I get the impression it's pride too - you're used to being independent, are trying to keep separate finances and share costs evenly as far as is possible in a relationship with such different incomes, so taking money from him directly is uncomfortable. Would it help you to think of it as him paying a little more in rent rather than him paying for your kids with ex? Look at market rents in your area, compare 1/2 or 1/3 of a market rent to what he contributes to your mortgage. I'm guessing you'll find he's getting a good deal even if he pays you the equivalent of CB.

i guess because he insists and I let him? Because of maternity leave and when I was still paying 50% even though I was on mat pay and that worked but I ate through all my savings because that was what he had agreed when moving in and 6 years later it's the same but he wants to pay more himself? I've never asked him for anything other than additional costs related to our child. I guess I let him pay towards my older two because he sees them as his and surely that's a win win for both him and my children?

I guess the CB thing just never gt talked about and now it's a point of discussion I just wanted opinions because yes he's out of pocket but it's not a joint pot. It's complicated in my head.

Our shared child's childcare and responsibilities are shared, in fact I'd say he does marginally more than me when he's at home.

I think it is pride maybe because yes I've always been independent... it's so nice to have someone who wants to spend on me and my children knowing full when my financial position. I've not decieved my partner in any way. He wants to and I let him. But the CB is the one thing that never got spoken about until now .

I see that now. I've never done a tax return but I understand now since he has done it how frustrating it was.

Of course that is possible, but I wasn't talking about money only.

https://www.gov.uk/child-benefit

If you claim child benefit it goes towards this

Which goes towards your state pension & other benefits

https://www.gov.uk/check-national-insurance-record

Money is not the only issue here perhaps.

You can claim CB without getting the money and still get the NI credits. It has been suggested on here several times

We put the percentage of th CB that is needed to pay the tax bill aside in a savings account and don't touch it. Use the rest then pay the tax bill when it comes. Can't you do that?

@WhoevenamIinlife Is there a reason why you aren't getting married to him?

The way you post makes this sound as if it's not a very stable relationship.

Yes, a tax return is a PITA but that's how it is. Yes, he could give you £150, you register to get your NI and years towards your state pension, but don't claim the CB .

But he's also being a bit irresponsible to try to wriggle out of a tax return. It's just something people suck up.

With a child together and 2 of your own, you seem to be quibbling over money which is never a good sign.

There’s no enforcement to pay for children, he’s doing it willingly it would seem. He just earns enough for his partner to lose her child benefit.

I wouldn't have said "running for the hills" but if I were your partner I'd be annoyed at having to do self-assessment tax returns just for child benefit. It's a major pain in the neck to fill one in, and I don't see how it benefits you, it just puts an extra task on his desk?
I have to do one anyway, because I am self-employed, but I wouldn't want to do one for the sheer fun of it. You can keep the claim open and not receive the payment, that way if things change you can get the cash-element set up again fairly easily.

If your boyfriend pays you rent, surely that will cover the lost CB. You have lost CB as you have an extra income from an informal tenant.

They are 50/50 plus the DP pays for all holidays and treats so he’s paying more than 50/50 really.

Why is it irresponsible to not do a tax return, the vast majority of people don’t do it as they don’t need to as all tax is PAYE.

its just unnecessary hassle

It's the rule from HMRC. You're coming over as if you don't understand, but maybe you do?

If one person in the household earns above £X the child benefit is reduced or in some cases (higher earners) it's none.

This might help- see the part where it says you have to complete a tax return.

High Income Child Benefit Charge

You or your partner may have to pay a tax charge, known as the ‘High Income Child Benefit Charge’, if you get Child Benefit and either of you has an individual income over £50,000.

To pay the tax charge the person with the highest income must complete a Self Assessment tax return.

You can opt out of getting Child Benefit payments so you won’t have to pay the charge and you will still protect your State Pension.

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5cbf1b7d40f0b63cacd6dcaf/Child_Benefit_factsheet.pdf

I do understand.

the only reason he needs to do the tax return is because the op insists on collecting the child benefit knowing full well that it will need to be repaid. Therefore it is completely unnecessary. If she doesn’t get the child benefit he doesn’t need to do a tax return.

It's free to do a tax return

You're not unreasonable at all. You're in a very vulnerable position earning a lot less and being expected to fund mat leave from your savings when not married.

Ok he's paying half but it's probably a much more expensive lifestyle than you would have if you were single, meaning you have no chance to save. If you were to split you'd be penniless while he's had chance to save despite his bigger contributions.

Presumably you are working fewer hours while doing more childcare and he works longer hours and earns more?

This is not just about child benefit but as a minimum you should have your own savings and pension that you regularly pay into. Consider the time spent on childcare as a starting point for what contribution he should be making towards this.

Doing a tax return is very simple and straightforward. The most difficult bit is registering and logging in. I do one every year and it's a 5 minute job and that's with a combination of different earnings etc. Sounds like an excuse to me