High earner partner moved in - CB lost

[WhoevenamIinlife]

Hi everyone just looking for perspectives.
My partner has been living with me covering 50% of bills and rent since day one. Recently has moved to a higher wage bracket which means I am no longer entitled to CB for my children (2 not his).
we initially agreed I would keep the CB and he would pay back the tax bill which I thought was fair as I lost out on other things too ie childcare, single discount council tax and also the fact we have separate finances and it wasn't one pot.
He has since raised it with me after paying the tax bill saying it wasn't fair and he would rather just give me that money for the kids without going through HMRC and thinks I should be more flexible as he pays more when we go out etc, household big shops and he does pay/contribute more which cancels out the CB and was quite offended when I said no I prefer it like this because this is not YOU giving me money this is the CB coming directly to me taking away anyone else's power over it. I have told him when we buy together in future and split bills percentage wise I will just stop the CB as it's no longer needed as we run the household together. Just for clarity partners income is just over 3 x mine but will cover huge costs ie a family trip for 5 abroad all his costs, household repairs. Because I have been financially stung before am I being too overly cautious resulting in being greedy?

AIBU?

You don’t need to receive the child benefit to gain the NI credits. You just need to speak to them and they will apply the NI credits but not pay the cash.

Interesting Candid. Maybe it's just unusual to get to higher rate without having something else going on (interest received, benefits in kind from employer, share options etc) as most people I know who are in the sort of jobs which would be beyond basic rate seem to grumble about them.

^^This

50% of rent and bills is hundreds and hundreds of pounds, surely? You’re still much better off for living with him than not.

You can opt just to have the contribution to state pension recognised and not be paid CB

Surely you’re much better off with him living with you even without the CB if he’s now paying 50% of everything (and that’s not even mentioning the holidays he’s 100% paying for). It’s a complete faff having to do a tax return, if the only reason he’s doing one is to pay back the CB then that’s a complete waste of his time. I don’t really understand why it would give you financial security by claiming it direct instead of him paying it to you. Surely if you split up and he moves out then you just start claiming it direct again?? You are no longer eligible to receive it, he doesn’t need to offer to pay you the cash instead, it’s more than fair for him to do that, you are making it more complicated than it needs to be.

This is not about money but about independence later in life incase anything happens, she will be left vulnerable. Are you unsure about the relationshi[p long term is probably the bigger question.

I voted YABU because he is your partner, not your husband. You have less protection for the future since you are unmarried.

Receiving CB contributions also mean you are making full NI contributions towards your state pension, even if you are on a very low wage or not working. It’s much better to be in the system and pay it back than not be in the system.

I lost my CB and other benefits when DH and I got married and moved in together. It wasn't an issue as we combine finances once we were married, and we have never quibbled over who pays for what - it's all one pot and all the dcs are just children of the family. I didn't continue claiming CB as I got enough NI credits from Carer's Allowance. But if I didn't have NI credits from elsewhere I'd want to continue claiming CB even without payment.

Are you sure he needs to pay all of it back? It tapers between 60k and 80k.

If the only reason he has to file a tax return is for the child benefit, then I see his point as it is a fairly expensive pain in the arse.

Sounds like you want a personal atm not a partner.
Not his kids but paying for them why not ask the real dad for for cm.

YABU! He's paying 50% as he should and have offered you the cash in return. How is that likely to screw you financially?
It may be worth dealing with what happened to you in the past, if it's likely to mess up a good thing. Those experiences are supposed to make you cautious, not unreasonable.

This. And half the rent. And half the bills. And holidays and trips out which you previously be able to afford. I think you need to give your head a wobble, OP.

YABU OP. CB is based on household income so you aren’t entitled to it any more - it is very generous of him to offer to pay you the CB you’ve lost. Definitely unreasonable to ask him to claim it for you and pay it back fully via his tax return, especially if he wouldn’t otherwise be doing one.

Not the point of this thread... but I do find it bizarre an unrelated man has more enforcement on paying for children rather than a father who can often get away with paying very little.

In monetary terms while you're benefiting from him being there in reduced bills etc, you have also lost some benefits; he is also benefiting from sharing bills and hasn't lost benefits because he wasn't getting them in the first place. Also to consider what you are contributing to the household in non-monetary terms. High salary jobs often come with higher levels of commitment too, and less time to help running a household.

At the end of the day, running a household with separate finances and very different incomes is always going to be awkward, particularly with you having the additional financial responsibility for your kids. The danger is one partner holds the purse strings so controls the household. Even if he's entirely supportive and kind, you having some income that mechanically comes direct to you gives you a degree more autonomy than not, and I can see why you would prefer that.

If it turns out that is the only reason he's being asked to complete a tax return, and he is actually earning enough over the threshold to have to pay back all not just a part of it, then I can sympathise with him wanting to do it a different way round. I think important to acknowledge between the two of you that it's difficult for good reasons that aren't either of your faults.

You don't need to receive CB for this. Basically you sign up for it but opt out of receiving the money. That way you still get NI credits.

But you’re one household and as such you are not entitled to CB due to the household income - it’s as simple as that. If you need the NI credits let HMRC know but you need to accept that now partner has joined your household you are no longer eligible- same as you are no longer eligible for the reduction in council tax.

If you don't pay tax yourself and you aren't married then you absolutely need to claim it for NI contributions or your state pension will be affected.

Just an update - my partner only does the tax return for the CB and is the higher earner brackets so not entitled to any CB .

You say you've been financially stung before, but you've happily have kids with him and live under the same roof. You also talk about buying a house together, but again no mention of getting married? Surely you must know that marrying your partner is the best way to prevent you getting stung, unless you have a large amount in assets compared to him? If you own the house you currently live in solely and with no mortgage, then that's a different matter.

Why? If they split up she can reclaim CB. If she's working she is paying her own NI contribution. How does this make her vulnerable?

You can’t have your cake and eat it. You’ve moved in together and now there’s more money in the household. Live alone if you want cb.