Should I tell my DP that I know he is lying

[JadeMember]

So my DP (46) does a cold lake swimming with a group of women. He is the only man and ladies are in the range of 40-70yrs. He got into the group through the lady he met through my son’s sport. I never met her as I’m at the different sport with my DD. So my DP called me today when I was at work and told me that the group is going to a charity event in the evening and someone pulled out, they need someone to fill the space, and if I would mind if he goes with them. I really don’t care tbh as my DC are with their dad tonight and I’m just happy having a me time. So my DP just send me a photos from the event and it’s not a charity event! It’s a silent disco😂. I googled the location and the name of the event that was on the banners in the photo. I don’t know why he lied. He doesn’t go out a lot and I don’t mind when he does go out. We don’t live in ‘each other’s pockets’ and are independent with our interests so I don’t understand why he lied. I don’t know if I should just leave it because I’m not really that worried or should I actually be worried about it and question it when he gets home?

I remembered your original post about prof and France cold water swimming etc etc... I found it again by accident tonight and I've read through all your posts.

I'm so sorry you and your dcs had to go through this but fuck me you dodged more years of bullets here chick - what a utter fucking looser this man is.... I feel for the poor dog stuck with him!

@Wineee am glad I'm not the only one worried about the dog.

I know! I love have considered he was about her mental health. What a BS! In all these years living together, he didn’t consider once how I was feeling or learned how to turn on the washing machines!! It’s always about poor him and how everyone done him wrong and he is the victim. Sorry I’m angry now and getting off the point. Yes of course he will blame someone else for it. But that’s why I collected all the evidence😁

He only had an affair to try and help her? How kind of him.

Hello, yes I try to update the post when there are some new developments. When I first started this post, I had no idea that this is where I am going to end up. Where the dog is concerned, he will be anxious and nervous. He doesn’t cope well with the change and he loves sleeping with DC. He would just go from one bedroom to another. But it’s not my responsibility anymore

The prof (and swim club) need to see this evidence - she’s his plan C and he’s busy digging mountains to try and save face here. His charitable acts of screwing should not go unrewarded. He’s squirming like a fish, I hope you’ve got the true and total ick.

Also I wanted to say, thank you for calling me ‘chick’, it brings very fond memories of my friend.

I totally agree! I sometimes see posts and I know how it’s going to end up ( cheating ). But when you are in the RL, sometimes you don’t see it straight away. I read my posts from the beginning and I can’t believe how stupid I was to put up with my ex

He can’t squirm himself out of this. I have so much evidence that I could properly destroy his life ( professional )if I wanted to. The professor is ‘out for the blood’ and whatever her motives were before, she is going ahead and investigate what happened. And yes I have a total ick. I feel sick even thinking about him

How selfless of him to have an affair with another women to save her from a MH meltdown!

You are well rid ….

Wow, first time seeing and therefore reading your thread. You are actually incredible!
Not to glamourise your situation at all but reading that in one go was almost a movie.

I just wanted to say, reading in one go you can really see that actually you are emotionless, your initial posts and ‘lack of emotion’ were very clearly as a result of him and his narcissistic behaviours towards. I did think you were very cool and calm but actually it sounds more like you had no choice but to act in that manner, when you had every right to raise your voice slightly! You were cool and calm, but it was because you were tip toeing around.

Anyway, like I said you sound incredible. Leaving with no turning back is a great example for your children, and when they are a bit older they will hopefully not stand for any crap in relationships either. I would be like your friends and planning all different types of revenge on your behalf, but revenge isn’t needed here, he has lost everything through his own doing 🙃… keep the access to those photos though, once the heartache eases it will give you a good laugh to further watch his downfall!

Edit… you are NOT emotionless! Crucial word to miss out there!

I wish it was a movie and not my life, But thank you and you are so right, I had so many emotions I couldn’t express. But I am very level headed and logical. And then I would cry in the bathroom pretending I’m having a poo🤣. My friends already made leaflets of the photos of both of them and their messages. We will keep them for now

I understood that. But thank you

@ForZanyAquaViewer What an absolute right idiot you made of yourself on here, didn't you?

OCCAM'S RAZOR. Google it.

Er, what? Have you actually read the thread, @CAJIE ?

Eh? I haven’t been back to this thread for weeks and I’m not reading the whole thing to brush up. However, I’ve done a skim.

I told the OP to talk to her friends and family IRL, as MN posters are just here for the drama. That’s not bad advice. The fact that it turns out he’s having an entirely different affair (so sorry, OP!) doesn’t change that.

Covert narcissistic personality style.

Always the victim.

classic DARVO. Deny, attack and reverse the victim and offender.

At some point he may try and hoover you back on. He WONT change. He can’t.

He never set out to hurt you, he just simply doesn’t recognise you have feelings.

Should we have new marriage vows do you think?
Where you promise fidelity and all the other stuff on the list but the man gets a pass to sleep with a vulnerable woman in order for her mental health not to unravel?
This professor, it’s very hard to work her out.
As in, he was the only man in the group, he was probably sharing that he was doing it for his mental health, and then she’s inviting him on solo trips to France?
Would that not be deemed as predatory as well? Not defending him, but it’s good that group has been disbanded.

I bet he’s shitting himself about what you know and what you’ll do. Serves him right.

Absolutely this.

He's a predator and I wouldn't be protecting him.

Philandering as philanthropy! What a selfless, caring man he is. He didn't really want to fuck her but he made a sacrifice for her mental health. His disgusting justification for his infidelity is nearly as bad as the act itself. He really is the lowest of the low.

Oh dear!

I don't know how old you are, OP, but almost certainly too young to remember Ken Barlow and Wendy Crozier having an affair on Coronation Street and the fictional fallout from that!

Anyway, my mum's response to this was along the lines of, "There aren't many problems in life that couldn't be prevented if only men learnt to keep their willies in their trousers."

She wasn't right about many things...

But this whole sorry situation has been caused by exactly that! A silly man who couldn't keep his willy in his trousers.

I hope he is enjoying the 'rewards' of his deeds 😉

And so good to hear that the professor has become an ally.

Penis therapy?
I've heard it all now.

I just googled covert narcissist. It fits perfectly!