Page 28 | Should I tell my DP that I know he is lying

JadeMember · 2025-02-21T22:21:12+00:00

So my DP (46) does a cold lake swimming with a group of women. He is the only man and ladies are in the range of 40-70yrs. He got into the group through the lady he met through my son’s sport. I never met her as I’m at the different sport with my DD. So my DP called me today when I was at work and told me that the group is going to a charity event in the evening and someone pulled out, they need someone to fill the space, and if I would mind if he goes with them. I really don’t care tbh as my DC are with their dad tonight and I’m just happy having a me time. So my DP just send me a photos from the event and it’s not a charity event! It’s a silent disco😂. I googled the location and the name of the event that was on the banners in the photo. I don’t know why he lied. He doesn’t go out a lot and I don’t mind when he does go out. We don’t live in ‘each other’s pockets’ and are independent with our interests so I don’t understand why he lied. I don’t know if I should just leave it because I’m not really that worried or should I actually be worried about it and question it when he gets home?

Delishous · 04/04/2025 00:48

Well done. I suggest you get your DCs to block him. He's shown to be highly manipulative and they should not be exposed to him. Same with your DPs.

MarxistMags · 04/04/2025 02:13

Glad everything is on a more even keel for you all. It's so good Mum is there as well, the kids will be loving it, and a great distraction for them. I hope the Easter holidays make a difference too.
You have been so brave and have dealt with the situation wonderfully. I am sending my best wishes to you for the future. It would be lovely to get updates if you can manage.

MarxistMags · 04/04/2025 02:38

P.S. Don't get a dog ! A goldfish is big enough if you must get a pet. LoL

TroysMammy · 04/04/2025 06:03

MarxistMags · 04/04/2025 02:38

P.S. Don't get a dog ! A goldfish is big enough if you must get a pet. LoL

Having something that swims in cold water perhaps not.

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/04/2025 07:12

JadeMember · 18/03/2025 16:58

My stepdad said that when he closed the door to get the suitcases he realised he said the wrong word. And then when he opened the door again and saw him actually sitting on the step he nearly bursted out laughing

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Sorry this made me Pmsl

your steo dad sounds amazing

and sit is better than wait

I am so sorry this happened but as I said you will be ok

you sound a strong woman and have friends around you

sending 💐💐💐. And 💖💖💖 to you all

Original poster

JadeMember · 04/04/2025 07:16

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 04/04/2025 00:14

Aw that's so nice that your Mum is now with you too - nothing like family support is there ( and yes it distracts the children's minds a bit )

and yes he shouldn't be in the swim group !
Did the professor actually say anything in reply ?

The Professor had no idea about any of it going on between my ex and OW. She was shocked as OW is mentally vulnerable person.

OP posts:

AluckyEllie · 04/04/2025 07:16

Good on the professor for reporting him and the swim group for booting him out. Sounds like they protect their members and that’s great.

God he’s an idiot. It’s 100% his fault, he can’t accept it can he. Moron

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/04/2025 07:17

JadeMember · 04/04/2025 00:08

I just wanted to update anyone who will still read this. My DC are adjusting well and now stopped asking to see my exDP and dog. It helps that we have still my stepdad here and now my mum too. My cupboards and drawers have never been that organised.
On the different note, I have seen the woman ( professor) and I have told her everything and showed her the photos of their disgusting messages. I also told her that my ex told me the OW in the MH swim group has biopolar condition. Today my ex has been trying to get hold of me through my DC and my parents. He send messages saying that it’s my fault he is now being kicked out of the group because they don’t want anyone there who is preying on mentally unstable and vulnerable woman. None of it is his fault obviously. Apparently they have reported that to a head office who manages all the mental health swim groups and it’s not the first time when someone preyed on the vulnerable person. And also sharing the OWs biopolar is a massive no no. They can’t share the info with anyone outside the group. Well he fucked himself there!

I’m glad your mum is over and that you told the professor and group

they need to know what kind of man he is

it’s now Easter holidays for us. So prob is for you

will you let the dc see him /say bye or you think will be worse for them ?

FutureFakingFucker · 04/04/2025 07:18

JadeMember · 04/04/2025 00:08

I just wanted to update anyone who will still read this. My DC are adjusting well and now stopped asking to see my exDP and dog. It helps that we have still my stepdad here and now my mum too. My cupboards and drawers have never been that organised.
On the different note, I have seen the woman ( professor) and I have told her everything and showed her the photos of their disgusting messages. I also told her that my ex told me the OW in the MH swim group has biopolar condition. Today my ex has been trying to get hold of me through my DC and my parents. He send messages saying that it’s my fault he is now being kicked out of the group because they don’t want anyone there who is preying on mentally unstable and vulnerable woman. None of it is his fault obviously. Apparently they have reported that to a head office who manages all the mental health swim groups and it’s not the first time when someone preyed on the vulnerable person. And also sharing the OWs biopolar is a massive no no. They can’t share the info with anyone outside the group. Well he fucked himself there!

Glad you and DC are doing well. Glad he’s getting what he deserves.

You are well shot of him.

Did you get recommended Dr Ramani on You Tube? Might fit. The fact that he’s raging at you for him being found out for his behaviour does have a tinge of narcissistic personality style. It could help you to understand and know how to deal with him in the future if he causes hassle. It might also help you spot patterns of narcissistic abuse more quickly in the future if that’s what this was. It’s a subtle and slow creep. Taken me 16 years.

Here’s a starter but there are shorter ones. Her book ‘It’s Not You’ is on audible.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5N38lO4FweA

But it might not fit and you might not want to give him any extra headspace!!

Wishing you peace and strength.

treesandsun · 04/04/2025 07:22

"He send messages saying that it’s my fault he is now being kicked out of the group because they don’t want anyone there who is preying on mentally unstable and vulnerable woman." Yeah, obviously totally your fault he got kicked out of the group - nothing at all to do with his behaviour! I suspect Prof was also pissed off as she thought she was the one lined up for the affair and the OW took her place.
He made his bed and can now lie in it whilst you can heal with your awesome sounding family.

Nettleteaser101 · 04/04/2025 07:37

Wishing you all the best.💐

Zonder · 04/04/2025 07:42

He's blaming you now but soon he will start blaming the OW for any ills in his life. Is she still in the swim group he was kicked out of?

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 04/04/2025 07:42

DorothyStorm · 21/02/2025 22:36

I think it is more odd that a boyfriend of yours is taking your son to a sports event and not either of his parents 🤔

Rtt; the OP took her DD to a sports event. The DP was at a different event

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 04/04/2025 07:43

MummaMummaMumma · 21/02/2025 23:41

Why did you assume he was lying and nothing to do with charity? Why did you feel the need to Google it?

Because that is what most people would do when they felt something was off and now you are just jumping on the bandwagon trying to tell OP she was unreasonable.

Original poster

JadeMember · 04/04/2025 07:45

FutureFakingFucker · 04/04/2025 07:18

Glad you and DC are doing well. Glad he’s getting what he deserves.

You are well shot of him.

Did you get recommended Dr Ramani on You Tube? Might fit. The fact that he’s raging at you for him being found out for his behaviour does have a tinge of narcissistic personality style. It could help you to understand and know how to deal with him in the future if he causes hassle. It might also help you spot patterns of narcissistic abuse more quickly in the future if that’s what this was. It’s a subtle and slow creep. Taken me 16 years.

Here’s a starter but there are shorter ones. Her book ‘It’s Not You’ is on audible.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5N38lO4FweA

But it might not fit and you might not want to give him any extra headspace!!

Wishing you peace and strength.

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Thank you, I did watch Dr Ramani as it was recommended before. It’s really eye opening.

OP posts:

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 04/04/2025 07:47

@JadeMember it’s my fault he is now being kicked out of the group OOPS!!!

2JFDIYOLO · 04/04/2025 08:29

OP, I went temporarily nuts during peri menopause. Anxiety, suspicion and dread through the roof. Fuzzy oestrogen levels falling, leaving me with the terrible feeling something somewhere was dreadfully WRONG.

TheGentleOpalMember · 04/04/2025 08:31

2JFDIYOLO · 04/04/2025 08:29

OP, I went temporarily nuts during peri menopause. Anxiety, suspicion and dread through the roof. Fuzzy oestrogen levels falling, leaving me with the terrible feeling something somewhere was dreadfully WRONG.

Please read all the OP's posts on this thread, @2JFDIYOLO . Her husband had an affair and already a mortgage with the OW lined up.

goody2shooz · 04/04/2025 08:32

@JadeMember dont know how old your dc are or quite how much you’ve told them, but I’d be asking/insisting that he be blocked on their phones. Such a manipulative, devious, lying cheat shouldn’t have access to the dc - especially if he’s trying to get to you through them.

2JFDIYOLO · 04/04/2025 08:37

OP, I'm so sorry I read your first few entries and posted before seeing the later debelopments.

Tgfh · 04/04/2025 08:49

He really is scum.
That poor woman, no doubt targeted by him.

I really commend you for the bravery for telling the Professors.

So often in life people don't get involved and don't bother even safely giving others the valuable heads up.

Then when someone else comes along with a similar tale they know it, and just never bothered telling anyone, because they didn't want to get involved.

I am so glad your children are doing well.
Honestly, you have all had a narrow escape!

WearyAuldWumman · 04/04/2025 08:55

JadeMember · 04/04/2025 07:16

The Professor had no idea about any of it going on between my ex and OW. She was shocked as OW is mentally vulnerable person.

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Did she ever apologise for the "I hope you're not feeling threatened?" comment?

Delishous · 04/04/2025 08:58

goody2shooz · 04/04/2025 08:32

@JadeMember dont know how old your dc are or quite how much you’ve told them, but I’d be asking/insisting that he be blocked on their phones. Such a manipulative, devious, lying cheat shouldn’t have access to the dc - especially if he’s trying to get to you through them.

Agree. Protecting and distancing the DCs from the toxicity of vile character has to the only priority. He will ultimately hurt them. He has already. They dont need to be caught up in this or exposed to his antics or vile words as both will escalate.

RealEagle · 04/04/2025 09:05

WearyAuldWumman · 04/04/2025 08:55

Did she ever apologise for the "I hope you're not feeling threatened?" comment?

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I still think professor wanted him

Tgfh · 04/04/2025 09:17

RealEagle · 04/04/2025 09:05

I still think professor wanted him

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Interesting points!

Agree that he should be completely blocked from access to your children.

He is manipulative and predatory.
I wouldn't want him around them now you know the truth.

His victimhood speaks to narcissism.