Should I tell my DP that I know he is lying

[JadeMember]

So my DP (46) does a cold lake swimming with a group of women. He is the only man and ladies are in the range of 40-70yrs. He got into the group through the lady he met through my son’s sport. I never met her as I’m at the different sport with my DD. So my DP called me today when I was at work and told me that the group is going to a charity event in the evening and someone pulled out, they need someone to fill the space, and if I would mind if he goes with them. I really don’t care tbh as my DC are with their dad tonight and I’m just happy having a me time. So my DP just send me a photos from the event and it’s not a charity event! It’s a silent disco😂. I googled the location and the name of the event that was on the banners in the photo. I don’t know why he lied. He doesn’t go out a lot and I don’t mind when he does go out. We don’t live in ‘each other’s pockets’ and are independent with our interests so I don’t understand why he lied. I don’t know if I should just leave it because I’m not really that worried or should I actually be worried about it and question it when he gets home?

So for all those people who just love to dig through people’s old posts!! Not that I owe explanation to you but I will briefly explain. The question I was replying to in one of the posts was about if someone who cheated will cheat again. I cheated on my first husband and left him and I never cheated again. It is something what happened over 20y ago. I first got married when I was 20y old and very young and naive. I found he has done a lot of bad stuff. He ended up going to prison. I met someone else and we fell in love. I left my husband for him ( he was still in prison but we were still married). I never cheated again or would have a desire to. I didn’t go into a details in my previous post because it’s not something I am proud of or wish to revisit

So he was going to do all this and leave you with absolutely no closure? Christ, that's cold! I know he's treated you like an afterthought but you've now got proof and his reason (of sorts) imagine if he had just left, you'd be left wondering wtf is going on. He's a walloper and you're going to be just fine x

I can't believe he was planning on just moving out without telling you. It's so bleak that someone could do that to someone they'd been in a decade long relationship with (plus the cheating!!).

I'm glad you took the power back and booted him out on your terms.

So he’s part of a group, mainly of women, who are meant to offer each other emotional support and he thinks secretly shagging one of them is an acceptable way to behave? Wow. This is classic gaslighting by the way - creating a big old mess then blaming everyone else for it!

What a nasty piece of work - even better you kicked him out. I hope he’s camped out by the lake with his swimming trunks, computer equipment and suitcases waiting for the next unsuspecting victim to take him in.

What a cowardly little weasel he is, going to sneak out without telling you after many years together. Pathetic on his part.

What a coward.
What a nasty piece of work.
You're well rid of him.

Total utter coward.
In time you will see you’re well rid but emotions will be up and down.
You will survive this and be happier and stronger. He sounds very, very draining.

And your step dad is an absolute star. “Sit” ( and the wimp sat) made me roar.
Stay strong, you’ll be okay, treat yourself kindly. May he wild swim through the murkiest of murky water.

Don't you worry, @JadeMember many of us have done things in our past that don't put us in a great light. You don't owe any explanation to anyone. You've been/are going through a right time of it right now. Look after yourself lass, thank goodness for step dad x

His photos still update on my iPad. I didn’t want to look but it did yesterday. It looks like he moved in with her. I thought that was a case. I also saw another photo of email she send to work and she is bipolar 2 type. Maybe it will work out for them. I don’t want these photos uploading anymore but I don’t know how to stop it. I don’t want to look anymore but I know I will when I know they are there.

I've been invited to what I thought was a book launch and it turned out in fact it was a jazz concert. I once attended a dog show that turned into an outdoor bashment rave. It doesn't mean I was lying when I said where I was going, especially If I was openly sending photos of the event. If he's lying he isn't especially good at it then is he?

Please read the OP's updates. He was lying through his back teeth.

My stepdad said that when he closed the door to get the suitcases he realised he said the wrong word. And then when he opened the door again and saw him actually sitting on the step he nearly bursted out laughing

@BobbyBiscuits You're so late to the silent disco that he's already moved in with the other woman.

That made me laugh!

The thing is, although he would no doubt have enjoyed it if you had been dripping with sympathy with him all the time and telling him what a brave little soldier he was, it wouldn't actually have helped him. Women who fall apart like this don't manage to keep the home going, the children fed, the bills paid etc. He'll discover all of that with the OW, who will be expecting him to carry on supporting her with her mental health but will not manage to juggle that plus supporting him with his illnesses and tantrums plus everything else that goes on in life. He's definitely going to discover that the grass isn't any greener with her.

I do agree. I feel we do other women a disservice when we blame everything on hormones, whether it's being premenstrual, menstrual, post menstrual, ovulating, pregnant, postnatal, perimenopausal, menopausal, postmenopausal or whatever. If we assume every woman is constantly at the mercy of her hormones, it gives the perfect excuse for not employing women or paying them less.

But look at all the women holding down incredibly responsible jobs and doing them well, irrespective of the time of the month or what their ovaries are doing or not doing. You don't see female lawyers, surgeons, actors, pilots etc expecting others to accommodate their hormones all the time.

So where was his concern for the mental health of the group when he decided to fuck one of them?

Op, your ex partner sounds like my ex brother-in-law.
All the same issues. Partner who doesn't look after him or care enough etc, etc.

He left my sister for another woman who understood him better, and was more supportive, supposedly.

Except, he's done the same thing two more times since. His list of women who don't understand him is getting longer and longer!

You are well rid. Xx

I suspect ex partner will still be sniffing around the professor and will now expect OW to stay home to look after the dog. Could be interesting times ahead.

Exactly and ironically op has gone on to say her partner was cheating so could be it was her instincts kicking in not her hormones...

If I was you I would find a way to forward all incriminating photos and messages to the wild swimming group chat and then delete it all. They would be so embarrassed they wouldn’t be able to show their faces again. Then he’d have to go find another group of women to hang out with while the OW looks after the dog.

Just curious did he have a wife or gf when you met him? Just wondering if he has form.

Lol..sorry!!!

No he was single ( divorced). He obviously blamed the break up of their marriage on his ex wife

Well that is not going to be an easy condition for him to learn to support when he is used to being the needy one. His new gf will likely have big mood swings of highs and lows.

I understand totally your feelings about the iPad. I would be the same - wouldn't want to keep reading the messages but feeling unable to resist the temptation like picking at a scab.