Should I tell my DP that I know he is lying

[JadeMember]

So my DP (46) does a cold lake swimming with a group of women. He is the only man and ladies are in the range of 40-70yrs. He got into the group through the lady he met through my son’s sport. I never met her as I’m at the different sport with my DD. So my DP called me today when I was at work and told me that the group is going to a charity event in the evening and someone pulled out, they need someone to fill the space, and if I would mind if he goes with them. I really don’t care tbh as my DC are with their dad tonight and I’m just happy having a me time. So my DP just send me a photos from the event and it’s not a charity event! It’s a silent disco😂. I googled the location and the name of the event that was on the banners in the photo. I don’t know why he lied. He doesn’t go out a lot and I don’t mind when he does go out. We don’t live in ‘each other’s pockets’ and are independent with our interests so I don’t understand why he lied. I don’t know if I should just leave it because I’m not really that worried or should I actually be worried about it and question it when he gets home?

it may still be charity event even if a silent disco
just ask him
sounds as if you have a healthy relationship so just ask more

Another one joining the Heroic Step Dad Fan Club! “Sit” 😂😂

I don’t think you should necessarily apologise to Prof, I think actually she most likely knew your partner was having an affair with the other lady at swimming club (she might even be friends with the OW) and was mocking you by asking if you were threatened as she knew full well you were being cheated on. Her loyalties clearly don’t lie with you.

This is the start of your new, useless-DP-free life, OP. It can only get better! 💐

Well done stepdad

So my DP (46) does a cold lake swimming with a group of women

I wonder how all the women in the group feel about that? I'd be well pissed off.

Is this the man you were unfaithful to your husband with? The one you left him for?

Well done OP

Unfortunately not. We didn’t put it up yet. I would like to see it. I’m happy that’s all done and dusted. He still has some stuff at mine and some furniture. Nothing I need really.

About £10 to change the barrel, we did it when tenants left for security.

Really???? How behind the times can you be?!

Is that the right thread? Can't see a mention of op and the dp getting together from an affair?

I just spoke to my stepdad. My ex came just after 9am. My stepdad was waiting and when my ex got to the front door my stepdad opened it. My ex started saying something but my stepdad doesn’t speak English and only knows a few words. So he pointed at my ex and he wanted to say ‘wait’ but instead he said ‘sit’. He then closed the door and went to get suitcases. When he opened the door again, my ex actually sat on the front step

This is gold!🤣🤣🤣

OP, I've just read all your responses and want to say to sound ace. You have a really comical way of writing and I love what you said to OW suspect no.1 about her not being a bikini model lol. I wouldn't apologise to her either, she was taking the piss and I wouldn't be at all surprised if there was something going on there too.

You sound like a strong woman - you'll be fine and probably quickly wonder why you stayed with him so long. He's sounds like a total drippy arsewipe. The fact he joined a swimming group with only women would've given me the total Ick.

I'm so sorry, he is awful to have cheated on you and arranged to move out. All behind your back, at what point was he going to tell you?! I suspect he was just going to leave, because he "deserves to be happy!" You're better off without him. I hope his relationship crashes and burns, when it does please don't take him back.

I did ask him that. Apparently he wasn’t going to tell me. He was going to find somewhere else to live, arrange everything and move out while I was at work

This is why the information should be shared with the group. A group set up to support people with mh challenges. Open to all but predominantly women (except your exp)

The OW, a potentially vulnerable person, may have made themselves more vulnerable, offering anal sex to a man from the group. It is possible that due to mh issues neither of them have good boundaries.

There is so much the group could learn from this, if they care to: how to help members protect themselves; how to assess risk; etc. One assumes that your exp was innocent in this, looking for activities and companionship, but what if he had been a predator, preying on vulnerable women? That could have gone so badly wrong for the group.

But also, wanted to say at your exp being asked to 'sit'. And doing it.

I’m glad I’m not the only one who has noticed this about her posts.

Just read your last update. What a horrible man. You are so much better off without him!!

Your step dad on the other hand is seriously awesome. What a lovely bloke. You sound really lovely too and deserve so much more than a really horrible ex. May every cup of tea he has be cold.

Sending you a hug because this just all sounds horrible.

@JadeMember he wasn’t going to tell you? The coward! I would usually say not to go telling the rest of the swimming group but you know what? Sod that. Let the Prof know he was planning on doing a runner and not telling you!

I’ve just seen your post and wow! What a bastard. Let the prof know and see if you can become her friend 🤣seriously. I spent 6 years with a gaslighting, twat like this, walking on eggshells or he’d become upset or threaten suicide, and split 3 weeks before my wedding to him as my gut did not feel right. I was correct. He was having affairs left right and centre and had been for many years! My life became so much better after this. Good luck to you and your children. Please update us on your progress as it will hurt but not forever. I promise x

Oh, makes a bit of a difference doesn't it!!

OP says they’ve been together 10 years - so you have a good MN memory if that’s the case!

It’s a post from a week or so ago on a thread asking about cheating

it does put a slightly different complexion on things tbh but doesn’t excuse the exPs behaviour

Yes, that's very true. Doesn't excuse his behaviour at all but context is everything.