Should I tell my DP that I know he is lying

[JadeMember]

So my DP (46) does a cold lake swimming with a group of women. He is the only man and ladies are in the range of 40-70yrs. He got into the group through the lady he met through my son’s sport. I never met her as I’m at the different sport with my DD. So my DP called me today when I was at work and told me that the group is going to a charity event in the evening and someone pulled out, they need someone to fill the space, and if I would mind if he goes with them. I really don’t care tbh as my DC are with their dad tonight and I’m just happy having a me time. So my DP just send me a photos from the event and it’s not a charity event! It’s a silent disco😂. I googled the location and the name of the event that was on the banners in the photo. I don’t know why he lied. He doesn’t go out a lot and I don’t mind when he does go out. We don’t live in ‘each other’s pockets’ and are independent with our interests so I don’t understand why he lied. I don’t know if I should just leave it because I’m not really that worried or should I actually be worried about it and question it when he gets home?

Well, it isn't really, is it? As you'd know if you'd actually deigned to read the updates before rushing in with your opinion.

Yes - I quoted the wrong post. My mistake!

Yes - my mistake

Yes - my error!

He didn't need to join a swim group for his mental health, he could have joined a mixed swim group for his swim. He chose to join a group where up until him joining, all the members were women.

If he wanted to join a group for his mental health, there is Andy's Mans Club - I just googled and they have become a lot bigger over the years.
( reason i googled is i know there are meetings in my area and wanted to check it wasn't ' just ' a Devon group )

How much do you want to bet he offers for the children to "look after" the dog while he's not able to. You know, because they love him SOOO much...!

I’d print them out and post them in the changing rooms 😂😂😂

That's good that's done now. Amusing that your ex actually obeyed the instruction to "sit".

I was going to suggest anyway that you get your locks changed for your peace of mind. I would do it as soon as possible.

Step dad is an absolute legend. Told the lil bitch to sit, and he did like the dog he is 😂

I'm so happy for you op. I know you will have mixed emotions at the moment but you'll benefit very quickly from gaining so much more time and both physical and mental space for yourself.

Be prepared in case there's more to come out although I'm sure it's only more validation for you. He seems a needy self centred person who has sucked the life from you.

So glad your dad is there with you, what a man.

This is great OP! I'm still laughing at "sit" 😂

😂 I'm in fits.

And he did sit! What a wet lettuce

I actually snorted when I read the "sit" command. Bravo, StepDad.

OP, sounds like you are well rid. Keep going with the grey rock. Change the locks. Be honest and factual with the kids. No need to discuss anything else with the ex, remember you don't owe him an explanation, an apology, or to listen to any of his self obsessed bollocks any longer.

I wish you all the best

He's a scumbag using the other women in that group. He must have loved being the only man there. Being the perfect image of a mentally switched on sympathetic man.

I didn't RTFT just your updates.

I LOVE you dad!!!

No need to apologize, congratulations, as reading all the updates appears to be a feat worse than death for a lot of people on here.

Sorry it turned out like this for you. I’m sure you will have better times in the future while the same can’t be said for him.

I feel sorry for the dog. I find my dog extremely comforting when things go wrong and she helps to get me out of bed when I feel low.

Anyway with or without a dog I wish you all the best- you’ve been amazing all through this 🌺

Your stepdad is amazing and so are you. Something I found very refreshing to remember during my divorce was that whilst it's socially expected - and often necessary - to cry and be upset about a break up, it is also totally down to us how to feel about it. There came a day I truly stopped and realised that I had been unhappy in my marriage - and now I had my lovely house all to myself! I didn't have to constantly worry how to manage XH depression! I didn't need to tiptoe round and mould myself into who I thought he would find attractive!!! I could just enjoy my life!!!!!

We did have good times and sometimes I feel a pang of sadness remembering, but mostly I choose to look back on the good times as a lovely point in my life, and consider my divorce a stepping stone to a different and also lovely point in my life. You can truly assess it logically and know you are about to have a much better time (and ride the waves of sadness as they come).

So many people popping up today without having read anything but OP's first post!! Crazy

Your step dad is a hero! I'm glad he was there for you

Please say you got the whole thing on your ring door bell. 😂

Oh I would love that!! OP can watch back the dirty dog being told 'SIT!' 🤣🤣

Thank god you started the thread when your intuition started alerting you that something was up. I wonder if he would have carried on cheating and blaming you for longer if you hadn’t had advice here to challenge him more. You sound amazing. I bet those sad, angry, anxious feelings you mention feeling overwhelmed with at the start of the thread will magically start to improve now he is out of your house for good. Your perimenopausal hormones are your superpower!

Step dad what a hero - especially as the husband won't know he meant to say wait and sat.
Not that it is any of your concern now but him and his cheating partner can mutually support each other and their mental health issues - good luck to them with that! He has had you to prop him up - he won't want to give up that position to someone else and her pathetic memes won't cut the mustard.

I wouldn't be apologising to the other woman - he behaviour was still completely inappropriate and to me it sounds like she was just too slow and someone else got in there first. I would say - sorry if it appeared I was threatened by you - I wasn't as I know you are not his type - although your behaviour was inappropriate but obviously he was using you as cover for his actual affair with x. If it fucks his swimming group dynamic up - tough shit - he has the new woman and her memes to support his mental health now.

Onwards and upwards for you .

Well done Stepdad! You're a hero.
And I wonder how soon the OW will get fed up with hoovering up the dog hair.