Should I tell my DP that I know he is lying

[JadeMember]

So my DP (46) does a cold lake swimming with a group of women. He is the only man and ladies are in the range of 40-70yrs. He got into the group through the lady he met through my son’s sport. I never met her as I’m at the different sport with my DD. So my DP called me today when I was at work and told me that the group is going to a charity event in the evening and someone pulled out, they need someone to fill the space, and if I would mind if he goes with them. I really don’t care tbh as my DC are with their dad tonight and I’m just happy having a me time. So my DP just send me a photos from the event and it’s not a charity event! It’s a silent disco😂. I googled the location and the name of the event that was on the banners in the photo. I don’t know why he lied. He doesn’t go out a lot and I don’t mind when he does go out. We don’t live in ‘each other’s pockets’ and are independent with our interests so I don’t understand why he lied. I don’t know if I should just leave it because I’m not really that worried or should I actually be worried about it and question it when he gets home?

Don't apologise to professor woman. Your assessment of the situation was right. She was probably trying to get some action too.

Wow how has he had the time for all of these hobbies, trips away with the prof and then an actual affair?

He sounds like a right slease - wingeing his way into bed.

The only male in the all female cold water swimming sounds intentional and predatory. Sounds like he got a good deal from you financially over the last 10 years.

Whats his relationship history and how did you get together?

Absolutely. He doesn’t want you to tell professor lady because he has likely been sweet talking all the swimming ladies and all the Mums at the sport group. The OW was probably just the first one to bite and so he’s running with her.

prepare yourself mentally and emotionally re your children - it has been suggested your children may want to keep in touch with him

however

he may not want to keep in touch with them.

Why do you think he is lying? It's a silent disco. Doesn't mean it isn't also a charity event - perhaps drink sales or tickets are going towards a charity, or it's a fund-raiser for the swimming group.
You are massively over-thinking this. You should get out more.

I just spoke to my stepdad. My ex came just after 9am. My stepdad was waiting and when my ex got to the front door my stepdad opened it. My ex started saying something but my stepdad doesn’t speak English and only knows a few words. So he pointed at my ex and he wanted to say ‘wait’ but instead he said ‘sit’. He then closed the door and went to get suitcases. When he opened the door again, my ex actually sat on the front step. My stepdad put suitcases outside and then went inside again and started bringing all of the office equipment. My ex tried to say something through the Google translate app but my dad ignored it. When everything was out my dad went inside and lock the door. Only annoying thing is that he forgot to ask for a key. We might get a locksmith to come out this week and change the locks. My ex tried to call me couple of times but I ignored it. So that’s done now!

Definitely get the lock switched over to a new one. It’s more than worth it for your peace of mind. You’ve done really well, and good on your step dad for taking care of business.

Onwards and upwards

’sit’ is priceless! And the fact he did!!

well done OP. So glad you have your stepdad with you.

onwards and upwards, baby steps, you’ll get there 💖

Good for you. Why dont you block him for a week or so just to give yourself some space.

OP you have hit the nail on the head. You like to spend your downtime alone and your DP wants to socialise. So he goes swimming, visits galleries etc often with another woman. You do need to meet half-way. First thing, say you are not happy him going to France for the day, then you need to be pro-active in suggesting things you can do together, that you both can enjoy. Start with joining him taking the dog for a walk, I think, then join the swimming club.

' sit ' was actually very appropriate - he treated him like a dog.

and now you can give yourself a big sigh of relief. for now.

@JadeMember oh your stepdad is fab! Brilliant language fail - perfect! Not a problem that he forgot to ask for the key. You should change the lock even if he'd remembered. Onwards and upwards x

Things have moved on...

@JadeMember Well done for everything so far. Just to say that if your door is upvc type, it’s very easy to change the locks yourself. They cost about £15 for a new barrel with keys & it’s just a few screws to undo.
There are numerous tutorial videos on YouTube, have a look & decide if you can DIY.

I’m so sorry to read your updates. It must all be such a shock and a sadness to you - but shows, once again, that our guts are seldom wrong. Thank goodness you have your lovely stepdad with you. He sounds amazing snd I want to give him a big hug on your behalf!

No doubt the next days and weeks won’t be without some ups and downs but I hope you quickly discover how much better your life is without your unkind, cheating, self-absorbed ex.

sending you strength!

Tell me you only read the OP and didn't think the 100s of others would be relevant .....

I don't often actually LOL but the "sit" did it for me 😂

Compromised immunity system.... And cold water swimming??????? He has compromised morals, not the compromised immune system. The arsehole and you have been to decent too long to say - no, married men don't go and disrobe in front of other women under the pretext of swimming in cosy little groups where they bare their souls under the pretext of 'mental health'. Arsehole.

Read the OP’s full posts.
He has been cheating on her with a woman firm this group, she has the evidence, and he has left.

Did ex take the dog, OP? And thank goodness for your FIL!

@Hwi any reason for rampant misogynistic language there?

Why don't people read at the very least the OP's posts before commenting?

OP, you are amazing! I think you will find that your lack of emotion all these years has been a subconscious defence mechanism against this man; and that you actually have given him the support he needs, but with his kind, too much is never enough, and he's drained the life out of you. It's going to hurt, even though you are better off without him, and it will be lonely. But you will get through this and you will have an amazing future. Onwards and upwards! Take this time to enjoy being with your lovely step-dad, he sounds brilliant! He will no doubt help you to break the news to your kids, they too will get through this. Take care x

Wow hats off to you and your lovely step dad.

you are dealing with all this amazingly well!

I think if they minded they would speak up. I am sure they are not a bunch of weak willed petals that allow themselves to be 'infiltrated'.

An all round sorry tale, I wish you and your children all the best going forward. Ex P has treated you dreadfully.
But oh my goodness, your stepfather is priceless.
What a man!