Should I tell my DP that I know he is lying

[JadeMember]

So my DP (46) does a cold lake swimming with a group of women. He is the only man and ladies are in the range of 40-70yrs. He got into the group through the lady he met through my son’s sport. I never met her as I’m at the different sport with my DD. So my DP called me today when I was at work and told me that the group is going to a charity event in the evening and someone pulled out, they need someone to fill the space, and if I would mind if he goes with them. I really don’t care tbh as my DC are with their dad tonight and I’m just happy having a me time. So my DP just send me a photos from the event and it’s not a charity event! It’s a silent disco😂. I googled the location and the name of the event that was on the banners in the photo. I don’t know why he lied. He doesn’t go out a lot and I don’t mind when he does go out. We don’t live in ‘each other’s pockets’ and are independent with our interests so I don’t understand why he lied. I don’t know if I should just leave it because I’m not really that worried or should I actually be worried about it and question it when he gets home?

We did discussed it yesterday but yes it’s still shit. I saw the photo of the email the OW send to her work ( she obviously send a photo to his phone ) and she is giving up work because due to her mental health as she can’t cope. Now I know MH I’m not a joke but I wonder how she is going to support him through all of his MH issues and all the illnesses he has ( compromised immunity system). Talking about this now just makes me realise how much I put up with. And the asshole told me that when DC are ill I’m so carrying but I don’t treat him the same when he is ill!

I agree with you - it is a disaster waiting to happen. He doesn’t realise what he is giving up & I think he will soon come to regret it. By then, you will have moved on

Shame you didn’t get to piss on his toothbrush I suppose.

He left while I was at work. When I discovered that I can look at his photos on my iPad, I checked the dates. They were taking photos together while walking our fucking dog! No he won’t do any activities because I’m refusing to look after the dog while he goes god knows where. He wanted the dog to help with his MH.

I was considering to scrub the loo with it but I changed my mind

So sorry to hear the updates - almost unbelievable isn’t it?

He sounds like a man-baby and you’ll be better off without him but understand you’re hurting at the moment. It will get better.
Hope children ok? Take good care of yourself and don’t believe a word he says. Do all the things mumsnetters advise in these circumstances.

OP you sound amazing, he sounds like a wet lettuce! Onwards and upwards, you can do so much better than this moaning manchild. It will go tits up with this pair in no time, they both sound in the wrong headspace to give any new relationship a go! If you weren’t caring and fawning over him enough, when he was ill, then she def won’t, seeing as she has MH problems currently. You’ve had a lucky escape OP, change the locks and keep him out x

Children don’t know yet and it’s going to break their hearts too. They adore him and the dog. I think I’m mainly sad for them. My chest actually hurts.

Sending hugs

So he’s getting a mortgage but that’ll take time. She has given up work so he’ll presumably be moving into her place and financially supporting them both. Then she’ll move into his place he’s going to buy? And both with MH problems? And a dog. And the knowledge that he isn’t a faithful partner. Yes, I’m sure that’ll work out really really well. It’ll be a completely smooth summer.

She keeps sending him photos of the quotes about how the right people come at the right time or how the important people will only bring the best out of you. Relationships don’t work like that. I’m sitting here worried about the future and children about finances and still thinking at the back of my head what I could do better. Even though it’s not my fault I think I was conditioned over the years to feel like it’s my fault. He did say that he doesn’t think I am a bad person, I just can’t give him what he needs. What a CF!

@JadeMember she’s telling him what he wants to hear. Won’t pay the bills. He’ll come crawling back and you will be over him.

You can’t give him what he needs ?

wnat about what you need ?

I know it’s hard. No one wants their marriage to break up. I didn’t last year

but a year on. Life is good. Happier

you and kids will be ok 💐

Luckily we are not married but we lived together for 8y. My DC knows him since they were 6. It’s all going to be fine, I keep telling myself that. We have enough support so it will be ok. We will be ok.

How very nice of him to say you're not a bad person....not. 😡 Cheeky f*cker. Honestly what a nerve. If he was any sort of decent person he would have spoken to you about how he was feeling, before starting an affair. I'm so sorry for you, you probably feel really sad right now but it's not your fault. He's done this. In time you'll get through this and come out happier. You seem like a strong lovely person who deserves better.

I don't think they'll last five minutes with the problems they both have either.

It’s true though. Gut reactions are for a reason.

I am mortified for the pair of them sending bloody quotes and him saying he needs more praise?? Two wastes of space. OP you are far better than both of them and I think in time you’ll feel miles lighter without him dragging you down. Those two losers can fester in their MH problems together. They’re going to be bloody miserable - and they deserve it!

Yes! How different it all turned out. It actually makes me feel physically sick how naive I was

I’d say it definitely started before then! You don’t go from seeing someone for two weeks and applying for a mortgage after a week of cheating. Sadly it’s probably been going on for a while and the France woman was a decoy.

Oh god the CF just came home! I can’t believe it. He knows I can’t say anything because DC are here and they don’t know! They were going to be with their dad from tomorrow morning until Monday. Oh god I don’t want to start the argument. He is still downstairs

Wishing you well, you sound like an amazing woman. Life is going to be much brighter without this deadweight. I think if you grey rock him it may annoy him more that you are not angry etc. all the best

He just went to a spare room. I can’t go there arguing with him. I just don’t have emotional capacity for that.

I had to google what grey rock is. I didn’t realise I have been doing this for years. He would ‘throw his toys out of the pram’ over something insignificant. Instead of entertaining his tantrum I wouldn’t emotionally react to it. Then he would say that it’s hard to be with someone who is emotionless. I thought there is something wrong with me and he said that I just don’t have any emotions or empathy

He was looking for reactions and didn’t get it. You may have been just shutting down as a way to cope. I hope you have happier times ahead, you truly deserve more x