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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WFH- partner came over unannounced

559 replies

Inchacha · 21/02/2025 14:56

I mainly WFH. I was in a video call meeting earlier when DP arrived at my house unannounced (we don’t live together). He was unwell yesterday and I know he is really worried about his health, I made my excuses from my call for a few mins whilst I said hello to and made him a cup of tea, checked how he was feeling and apologised that I couldn’t take more time out of my meeting (sometimes when he pops over unannounced I might be able to grab 15 mins but not always). I rejoined my call.

DP then interrupted me after 20 mins or so by coming into my office, made stupid noises and laughed when I muted my call and asked him to keep it down. I was really embarrassed. He left but 20 mins later came back and said he was going and it was clear he was pretty cross that I hadn’t made more effort to fuss round him.

I understand that he is scared about his health and wanted more support than I gave him. But AIBU to think that I shouldn’t have just dropped everything? I know that when I call him in a minute he’ll say something along the lines of “as your partner I should take priority over work” or something like that and it will be the start of a reason to be cross with me.

OP posts:
honeyrider · 24/02/2025 17:40

Happy Birthday OP.

bigboykitty · 24/02/2025 17:51

Happy Birthday 🎂. You gave yourself the best present x

jeaux90 · 25/02/2025 13:31

Well done OP. Women are socialised to "be nice" or excuse male behaviour in some way.

I'm so glad you put you first this time.

Loveperiod · 26/02/2025 07:21

If u read to understand u will realise that’s not what I meant. It’s not that deep to come on a platform to raise, it is small enough to be communicated between yourselves, set ground rules & just enjoy each other. I find it weird saying u have set boundaries and then come on public forum to complain, each to their own. I have said what I have said

PickAChew · 26/02/2025 07:30

Loveperiod · 26/02/2025 07:21

If u read to understand u will realise that’s not what I meant. It’s not that deep to come on a platform to raise, it is small enough to be communicated between yourselves, set ground rules & just enjoy each other. I find it weird saying u have set boundaries and then come on public forum to complain, each to their own. I have said what I have said

You're several days late. OP has higher standards in relationships than you do, has had enough of his repeated and persistent lack of respect, his controlling behaviour and general selfishness and has dumped him.

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 26/02/2025 18:21

Inchacha · 21/02/2025 20:08

Just to clear a few things up:

  1. He didn’t ask for a cuppa, I made one for him to be nice as there would have been a snippy remark later if I had not paid him any attention
  2. He didn’t actually say that as my partner he should take priority over my work, that’s simply what I was anticipating

I have just seen him. I decided to tell him how embarrassed I’d been about the stupid noises he made on the call/turning up unannounced and see how he reacted.

He said that he didn’t know I was on a call or even that the noises would have been audible anyway (of course he did. I’d been talking ffs!)

He was obviously cross at this point. So when I quite calmly also asked him not to turn up without letting me know he was furious. Said he thought we’d got past me being silly about that and that it was ridiculous to say that he could not just show up and what on earth was I hiding that meant he couldn’t. I said that it wasn’t being silly, he knew I didn’t like it and it was a very reasonable request.

He also threw at me the fact that he took me to the hospital a few weeks ago as my dad had been rushed in, he was “good enough to run around after your dad but not good enough to be able to just pop in when he was passing”.

He told me to get out of his house as he didn’t want to see me- so I did :) I got my boots on and left. I don’t think he really thought I would. I had to lock the car doors once I was in as he came running out of the house and tried opening the drivers side.

I actually smiled with relief when I drove away. I hadn’t realised how wrong this had all felt until this afternoon. The penny actually dropped.

I am sat on the sofa with my cat. V relieved. Thank you MNers.

It sounds like many stones of weight are off your shoulders.

Good for you!

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 26/02/2025 18:33

I hope you had a fun, relaxing, stress-free birthday and got to celebrate it the way you wanted, with whom you wanted.

Over here cheering you on!

Tipsy75 · 25/03/2025 00:16

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 21/02/2025 15:27

The word sabotage came into my mind reading this.

Me too..its totally sabotage! He's jealous & insecure bc she has an "important job" he thinks is giving her a "high and mighty opinion" of herself. He's purposely trying to pull her away from it hoping to get her in trouble or fired.

Tipsy75 · 25/03/2025 01:11

Loveperiod · 26/02/2025 07:21

If u read to understand u will realise that’s not what I meant. It’s not that deep to come on a platform to raise, it is small enough to be communicated between yourselves, set ground rules & just enjoy each other. I find it weird saying u have set boundaries and then come on public forum to complain, each to their own. I have said what I have said

I find it weird you came on a public forum to complain about how you find it weird when people come on a public forum to complain. I have said what I said.

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