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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WFH- partner came over unannounced

559 replies

Inchacha · 21/02/2025 14:56

I mainly WFH. I was in a video call meeting earlier when DP arrived at my house unannounced (we don’t live together). He was unwell yesterday and I know he is really worried about his health, I made my excuses from my call for a few mins whilst I said hello to and made him a cup of tea, checked how he was feeling and apologised that I couldn’t take more time out of my meeting (sometimes when he pops over unannounced I might be able to grab 15 mins but not always). I rejoined my call.

DP then interrupted me after 20 mins or so by coming into my office, made stupid noises and laughed when I muted my call and asked him to keep it down. I was really embarrassed. He left but 20 mins later came back and said he was going and it was clear he was pretty cross that I hadn’t made more effort to fuss round him.

I understand that he is scared about his health and wanted more support than I gave him. But AIBU to think that I shouldn’t have just dropped everything? I know that when I call him in a minute he’ll say something along the lines of “as your partner I should take priority over work” or something like that and it will be the start of a reason to be cross with me.

OP posts:
JFDIYOLO · 22/02/2025 17:02

Well done OP.

When a relationship feels like a chore not a joy, a duty not a delight - you can call it a day.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 22/02/2025 17:10

The absolute nerve of this man!
So he’s told OP to leave, basically says he wants nothing to do with her.
And because she’s said ok then, we are done, and he then wants to talk, he then turns up at her house and tries to get in. It’s absolutely outrageous.
If he got in somehow what was he planning to do?
Skat her into submission?
It is sickening and she has children in the house as well.
He is just aggrieved that OP wouldn’t put up with him anymore. Vile.

Original poster
Inchacha · 22/02/2025 17:40

@PeggyMitchellsCameo I love the idea of him trying to scat me into submission!

Perhaps finishing with a flatulent flourish 🤣

OP posts:
ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 22/02/2025 18:13

Lovely to see you taking such positive steps. Do be wary though. I don’t think for one second you’ve heard the last of him.

Teasloth · 22/02/2025 18:20

I bet he wouldn't have the balls to do that if you were in a regular office

He sounds like a knob

Crudd99 · 22/02/2025 18:40

I'd dump him. He's a huge red flag.

Crupts · 22/02/2025 18:48

I think the lesson is OP, keep men out of your home.
No moving in together until 3+ years and invitation only coming to yours for the longest of times.

You were together only a year and he was far too familiar and entitled regarding your home.

Never allow any man track you. Red flag.

Hold that boundary of your home for the longest of time.

stayathomer · 22/02/2025 18:50

Op I am really sorry, and hope all goes well for you in the future, take care of yourself, I should have rtft x

Dogsbreath7 · 22/02/2025 18:56

No voting buttons? Get rid it’s controlling behaviour you should never have to put him first

Single50something · 22/02/2025 19:00

Would he have walked into an office if you worked in one?. No.
You shouldn't have come off the call for him..
He sounds controlling and testing how much you'll do for him...warning sign.

CatMummyOf3 · 22/02/2025 19:13

Hwi · 21/02/2025 21:16

Bottom line - real jobs - teachers, surgeons, hairdressers, taxi/plane/train/bus drivers, nurses, shop assistants, cleaners, etc. can't be done from home.

Show quote history

There are many 'real jobs' that can be wfh 🙄 My hairdresser works from home, does that mean she's not a 'real' hairdresser??

Apologies OP, for going off-topic.

rainbow9713 · 22/02/2025 19:15

I would be well pissed off, and he wasn't too poorly to come in during your meeting to be an absolute prat making silly noises.
Don't know how old you are but I am 34 and that level of need from a grown up would not be tolerable at all for me

Loveperiod · 22/02/2025 19:36

I find weird. I understand about boundaries and all that however it’s crazy to me. Firstly having a partner u should be able to be happy when u call on each other unexpectedly hence partner it’s not that deep. Of course while on a call can be tricky it can be managed. The face u have accommodated means ur relationship as far as that is concerned is okay but was not ok this time coz this time not so keen(according to yr explanation). I am not surprised relationships don’t work nowadays as too many ground rules instead of just enjoying what each brings or be on your own. Some things when I read it sounds exhausting frankly

PeachyPeachTrees · 22/02/2025 19:43

You didn't like him coming over unannounced and interrupting your work and he downplayed it saying stop being silly. Then you ended it as final straw and he comes over earlier than agreed and would have let himself in if key had been in box. Proof that he doesn't respect you or your work and everything has to revolve around him. And the tracking on your phone but not his, well there was a red flag!

RetroTotty · 22/02/2025 19:51

I would be interested to know how OP was talked into letting this man track her, especially as there no reciprocal tracking of him via phone.

greengreyblue · 22/02/2025 19:53

He’s a child. Move on op.

RawBloomers · 22/02/2025 19:57

Loveperiod · 22/02/2025 19:36

I find weird. I understand about boundaries and all that however it’s crazy to me. Firstly having a partner u should be able to be happy when u call on each other unexpectedly hence partner it’s not that deep. Of course while on a call can be tricky it can be managed. The face u have accommodated means ur relationship as far as that is concerned is okay but was not ok this time coz this time not so keen(according to yr explanation). I am not surprised relationships don’t work nowadays as too many ground rules instead of just enjoying what each brings or be on your own. Some things when I read it sounds exhausting frankly

You think people should welcome having a partner come unexpectedly and disturb them while they are trying to earn a living to keep a roof over their head/food in the fridge/build a comfortable retirement?

If that's not a boundary for you, what boundaries do you find reasonable?

sugarspiceandeverythingnice12 · 22/02/2025 20:04

Well done OP!

He honestly sounds AWFUL 😖 🤢

Original poster
Inchacha · 22/02/2025 20:38

@RetroTotty we both had it at one point- i didn’t instigate this, I didn’t need to know where he was. He turned his off but I kept mine on as I didn’t want him to think i was being secretive. I spent a lot of time proving my loyalty when I think about it.

@Crupts we had been together about four years in total, not one. We did have a break a couple of years back (down to me) but stupidly I relented 🙄

OP posts:
littlemisspigg · 22/02/2025 20:44

Inchacha · 21/02/2025 15:24

I also hate him coming over unannounced. He knows this. I’d also messaged him this morning to see how he was as I know how worried he is about his ongoing health concerns, but he hasn’t replied and knew that this would in turn concern me. He’d seen the message. He just wanted drama didn’t he?

Don't call, don't text, don't justify, don't explain, don't complain. Just withdraw. He's not going to change (even if he says he will).
Like another PP said- This Man Does Not Like You...he's actively trying to bring you down- see him for what he is

When Someone Shows you what they are really like, believe them- the first time.

Toptops · 22/02/2025 20:52

HE is being unreasonable and YOU are facilitating him!

GreatFish · 22/02/2025 21:01

How long have you been in a relationship.?WHY are you with him?

littlemisspigg · 22/02/2025 21:07

littlemisspigg · 22/02/2025 20:44

Don't call, don't text, don't justify, don't explain, don't complain. Just withdraw. He's not going to change (even if he says he will).
Like another PP said- This Man Does Not Like You...he's actively trying to bring you down- see him for what he is

When Someone Shows you what they are really like, believe them- the first time.

Show quote history

Sorry just read your update about you dumping him- awesome! Well done you!!
Stay safe and stay alert though. Keep your children fully informed about what's happened so that they are protected too.
Lots of 🤗

Lalalalalalalalalalaoohoohwee · 22/02/2025 21:10

Jesus, he sounds like a narcissist.

ItGhoul · 22/02/2025 21:46

Loveperiod · 22/02/2025 19:36

I find weird. I understand about boundaries and all that however it’s crazy to me. Firstly having a partner u should be able to be happy when u call on each other unexpectedly hence partner it’s not that deep. Of course while on a call can be tricky it can be managed. The face u have accommodated means ur relationship as far as that is concerned is okay but was not ok this time coz this time not so keen(according to yr explanation). I am not surprised relationships don’t work nowadays as too many ground rules instead of just enjoying what each brings or be on your own. Some things when I read it sounds exhausting frankly

I understand about boundaries and all that

You don’t.