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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WFH- partner came over unannounced

559 replies

Inchacha · 21/02/2025 14:56

I mainly WFH. I was in a video call meeting earlier when DP arrived at my house unannounced (we don’t live together). He was unwell yesterday and I know he is really worried about his health, I made my excuses from my call for a few mins whilst I said hello to and made him a cup of tea, checked how he was feeling and apologised that I couldn’t take more time out of my meeting (sometimes when he pops over unannounced I might be able to grab 15 mins but not always). I rejoined my call.

DP then interrupted me after 20 mins or so by coming into my office, made stupid noises and laughed when I muted my call and asked him to keep it down. I was really embarrassed. He left but 20 mins later came back and said he was going and it was clear he was pretty cross that I hadn’t made more effort to fuss round him.

I understand that he is scared about his health and wanted more support than I gave him. But AIBU to think that I shouldn’t have just dropped everything? I know that when I call him in a minute he’ll say something along the lines of “as your partner I should take priority over work” or something like that and it will be the start of a reason to be cross with me.

OP posts:
ForZanyAquaViewer · 22/02/2025 21:48

Loveperiod · 22/02/2025 19:36

I find weird. I understand about boundaries and all that however it’s crazy to me. Firstly having a partner u should be able to be happy when u call on each other unexpectedly hence partner it’s not that deep. Of course while on a call can be tricky it can be managed. The face u have accommodated means ur relationship as far as that is concerned is okay but was not ok this time coz this time not so keen(according to yr explanation). I am not surprised relationships don’t work nowadays as too many ground rules instead of just enjoying what each brings or be on your own. Some things when I read it sounds exhausting frankly

What do you do for a living?

Laura95167 · 22/02/2025 22:03

Why aren't you cross?

He came over unannounced? Stayed once he saw you working? Deliberately interpreted a meeting and when you point this out he turns into a school boy asking why he isn't the priority over your homework?

You should be cross

Deedeesharpwhatkindoflady · 22/02/2025 22:09

suburberphobe · 21/02/2025 15:01

“as your partner I should take priority over work”

He sounds like a big baby.

I'd be dumping him for that remark alone.

Exactly..scared about his health
But still has the capacity to clown around whilst op is working.
Nope couldn't be done with that it would be bye bye prick.

DaffodillyDallyDame · 22/02/2025 22:14

Grin Maybe read the thread, @Laura95167?

Or at the very least, read the OP’s posts.

Trishthedish · 22/02/2025 22:22

Would he have turned up at your office and expected you to fuss over him. NO he wouldn’t. Tell him to grow a pair and NEVER interrupt your work again.

Devianinc · 22/02/2025 22:34

Inchacha · 21/02/2025 14:56

I mainly WFH. I was in a video call meeting earlier when DP arrived at my house unannounced (we don’t live together). He was unwell yesterday and I know he is really worried about his health, I made my excuses from my call for a few mins whilst I said hello to and made him a cup of tea, checked how he was feeling and apologised that I couldn’t take more time out of my meeting (sometimes when he pops over unannounced I might be able to grab 15 mins but not always). I rejoined my call.

DP then interrupted me after 20 mins or so by coming into my office, made stupid noises and laughed when I muted my call and asked him to keep it down. I was really embarrassed. He left but 20 mins later came back and said he was going and it was clear he was pretty cross that I hadn’t made more effort to fuss round him.

I understand that he is scared about his health and wanted more support than I gave him. But AIBU to think that I shouldn’t have just dropped everything? I know that when I call him in a minute he’ll say something along the lines of “as your partner I should take priority over work” or something like that and it will be the start of a reason to be cross with me.

Ewww, man baby. Ask him if he’s going to support you if you get fired. What’s wrong with him. You should have given him a baba.awe, poor, poor man baby. Get lost. Yuck

Laura95167 · 22/02/2025 22:39

DaffodillyDallyDame · 22/02/2025 22:14

Grin Maybe read the thread, @Laura95167?

Or at the very least, read the OP’s posts.

I did thanks. @daffodillydallydame

He want round, without asking. He does this often.

On this occasion her DC let him in. She told him, i can't spare much time busy, busy. He then interrupted her when she went back to work.

And if she says something he gets "cross" says variations of you should love me more than your job.

Clearly this is frequent exchange, because she expects comments about him saying patronising things about her high and mighty job.

And I think she should be the one who is cross. He was entitled. He was rude. He was patronising. All in her home.

PickAChew · 22/02/2025 22:46

Loveperiod · 22/02/2025 19:36

I find weird. I understand about boundaries and all that however it’s crazy to me. Firstly having a partner u should be able to be happy when u call on each other unexpectedly hence partner it’s not that deep. Of course while on a call can be tricky it can be managed. The face u have accommodated means ur relationship as far as that is concerned is okay but was not ok this time coz this time not so keen(according to yr explanation). I am not surprised relationships don’t work nowadays as too many ground rules instead of just enjoying what each brings or be on your own. Some things when I read it sounds exhausting frankly

As exhausting as reading all your unnecessary txt spk.

OP was working. At her job.

LardoBurrows · 22/02/2025 22:48

Laura95167 · 22/02/2025 22:39

I did thanks. @daffodillydallydame

He want round, without asking. He does this often.

On this occasion her DC let him in. She told him, i can't spare much time busy, busy. He then interrupted her when she went back to work.

And if she says something he gets "cross" says variations of you should love me more than your job.

Clearly this is frequent exchange, because she expects comments about him saying patronising things about her high and mighty job.

And I think she should be the one who is cross. He was entitled. He was rude. He was patronising. All in her home.

Show quote history

So, despite reading all the Ops updates, you completely missed her post advising she has dumped him. Hmm, impressive reading skills.

PickAChew · 22/02/2025 22:50

Laura95167 · 22/02/2025 22:39

I did thanks. @daffodillydallydame

He want round, without asking. He does this often.

On this occasion her DC let him in. She told him, i can't spare much time busy, busy. He then interrupted her when she went back to work.

And if she says something he gets "cross" says variations of you should love me more than your job.

Clearly this is frequent exchange, because she expects comments about him saying patronising things about her high and mighty job.

And I think she should be the one who is cross. He was entitled. He was rude. He was patronising. All in her home.

Show quote history

So you didn't read all the OP's posts, then.

She has dumped him.

And probably cancelled the cheque.

DaffodillyDallyDame · 22/02/2025 22:57

🙄

Laura95167 · 22/02/2025 22:58

LardoBurrows · 22/02/2025 22:48

So, despite reading all the Ops updates, you completely missed her post advising she has dumped him. Hmm, impressive reading skills.

Show quote history

Im sorry, @lardoburrows what part of he shouldn't be cross you should be wasn't clear in my post?

She should be cross. That's my opinion.

I didn't comment on the dumping him and seeing her friends because all that's lovely. I have no opinion or comment on that, and it doesn't detract from anything I said.

I commented on his entitlement and cheek at being the one who was "cross" because I thought, based on the post where she was asking opinions about the he was a CF. Dumping him didn't impact my view. Thanks.

But at least you got an opportunity to feel smug and attempt to belittle a stranger on the Internet. 👍

LardoBurrows · 22/02/2025 23:03

"But at least you got an opportunity to feel smug and attempt to belittle a stranger on the Internet."

Well, as you made it so easy, it seemed rude not to.

JustAnotherManicMomday · 22/02/2025 23:34

If his that ill he should be calling a doctor, or going to a emergency room. Unless your medically trained it's not your job and he needs to understand you have a job and bills to pay. I doubt he would drop his work if you were ill.

T1Dmama · 23/02/2025 00:33

Wow what a knob!
If you were in a staff meeting in an office he wouldn’t just tip up at your work place and walk in making stupid noises, and he shouldn’t be doing it when your home is your office! .
what a selfish man!

T1Dmama · 23/02/2025 00:55

Well done @Inchacha for realising and ending things.
please buy yourself the book ‘the freedom program’… living with a dominator!…

im currently doing the course and it’s very interesting and helping me see all the abusive signs I missed in a previous relationship and knowing what to look out for should I ever enter the dating game again… (currently happily single for 3 years and not interested!!)

DeadSpace3 · 23/02/2025 01:58

Rosebud12345 · 21/02/2025 15:05

You’re both unreasonable!

Why?

DeadSpace3 · 23/02/2025 02:05

Inchacha · 22/02/2025 20:38

@RetroTotty we both had it at one point- i didn’t instigate this, I didn’t need to know where he was. He turned his off but I kept mine on as I didn’t want him to think i was being secretive. I spent a lot of time proving my loyalty when I think about it.

@Crupts we had been together about four years in total, not one. We did have a break a couple of years back (down to me) but stupidly I relented 🙄

Don't relent this time!

It can be difficult being single when you're older & it's eady to let someone in just because they're there, even when they aren't really what you want. Stick it out for the right guy, there's plenty of good ones around.

sugarspiceandeverythingnice12 · 23/02/2025 07:17

How are you doing this morning @Inchacha

Ezkay · 23/02/2025 08:05

Poor lamb. His nappy probably needed checking. Is he teething? 🙄

thepariscrimefiles · 23/02/2025 08:06

Loveperiod · 22/02/2025 19:36

I find weird. I understand about boundaries and all that however it’s crazy to me. Firstly having a partner u should be able to be happy when u call on each other unexpectedly hence partner it’s not that deep. Of course while on a call can be tricky it can be managed. The face u have accommodated means ur relationship as far as that is concerned is okay but was not ok this time coz this time not so keen(according to yr explanation). I am not surprised relationships don’t work nowadays as too many ground rules instead of just enjoying what each brings or be on your own. Some things when I read it sounds exhausting frankly

What on earth do you mean by 'of course while on a call can be tricky it can be managed'?

It can be managed by having a partner who behaves like an adult rather than a needy, attention seeking small child. In OP's case, she didn't have that so she has quite reasonably ended the relationship.

If you think that barging into a room making childish fart noises while your partner is on a work call is OK, you also have some growing up to do.

Crupts · 23/02/2025 12:09

Oh 4 years!
He may indeed have a health emergency/ self harm threats etc.

Call the police and hand it over.
Wishing you well.

MinnieGirl · 23/02/2025 12:54

How are you today OP? I hope he hasn't turned up again or tried to contact you. Did you get the locks changed?

NoTouch · 23/02/2025 14:00

Crupts · 23/02/2025 12:09

Oh 4 years!
He may indeed have a health emergency/ self harm threats etc.

Call the police and hand it over.
Wishing you well.

Why would the police be interested?

Unless I have missed something - woman ends relationship, he called (albeit at 4am) and asked for his bits back and to talk, showed up early in an attempt to talk then left without much fuss, returned to pick up stuff when op was out as requested, hasn't been in contact since.

OP is handling very well, if he is persistent and she becomes concerned, yes, absolutely seek help from the police, but right now it is not an unusual break up.

Nanny0gg · 23/02/2025 14:05

Toptops · 22/02/2025 20:52

HE is being unreasonable and YOU are facilitating him!

Why don't people read the OP's posts?

It's really quick

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