WFH- partner came over unannounced

[Inchacha]

I mainly WFH. I was in a video call meeting earlier when DP arrived at my house unannounced (we don’t live together). He was unwell yesterday and I know he is really worried about his health, I made my excuses from my call for a few mins whilst I said hello to and made him a cup of tea, checked how he was feeling and apologised that I couldn’t take more time out of my meeting (sometimes when he pops over unannounced I might be able to grab 15 mins but not always). I rejoined my call.

DP then interrupted me after 20 mins or so by coming into my office, made stupid noises and laughed when I muted my call and asked him to keep it down. I was really embarrassed. He left but 20 mins later came back and said he was going and it was clear he was pretty cross that I hadn’t made more effort to fuss round him.

I understand that he is scared about his health and wanted more support than I gave him. But AIBU to think that I shouldn’t have just dropped everything? I know that when I call him in a minute he’ll say something along the lines of “as your partner I should take priority over work” or something like that and it will be the start of a reason to be cross with me.

Run. It will only get worse.

RTFT...she has

Well done, OP. Stay strong.

you did a great job of pre-empting his next steps - another unannounced visit and attempts to let himself in. Glad him and his stuff have gone. Hope he has got the message now.

But of a stretch but maybe he wanted her to loose this job he resented, and as another posted said move in. Then she'd be more financially dependant and he'd have op to look after him.

I think that you're probably right.

He's a dick head. Next?

So what??? Do you expect OP to play your timelines? She recognised a problem, realised she wasn't happy, and did something about it!

Unlike many on here unfortunately 😕

Also, this has already been covered; there is a long backstory.

He tried the key box when I didn’t answer the door the first two times he knocked and was visibly cross that the keys weren’t there.

I'd report that to the police, honestly.

Oh, give it a rest. Have you actually read ALL of OP's posts? The friends she met today already knew she was tiring of the relationship - the end to it hasn't come out of the blue Why do people like you say "this thread can't be real"? Is it because OP has the cajones to take definitive action whereas you couldn't? Why would a woman (assuming you are one, of course) attempt to take down a woman who's shown courage and decisiveness? Give your head a wobble. 🙄

@stayathomer MN has just given me a little push in the direction that deep down I probably knew I needed to take. I really wanted a good reason to end it anyway when I am honest with myself, and whilst logically I know that I (or anyone) didn’t need a reason to end the relationship, I do have a history of being emotionally abused and I’m not brilliant at setting clear boundaries for myself.

So I came to MN - just as I did when I was in an abusive marriage, and I got the same level of wise advice and support that I did then. It’s very isolating being in that position and when married I found it impossible to talk to my friends about my situation because I thought they would think I was crazy (I thought I was crazy ffs) but voicing my worries to anonymous strangers was what gave me the courage over a number of years -and failed attempts- to leave my husband with my little boys in tow.

Yesterday I was checking whether I was being crazy again and MN was once again my sounding board. I’ve learned since last time that my gut has better reliability than I’d been led to believe- even if I still have trouble acting on it without a little shove. I got the shove, it didn’t take me as much as last time for me to act on it. Hopefully if there is ever a next time, and my intuition is shouting at me, I will listen to it without needing the internet I can give myself the shove.

Excellent post 👏 👏 👏 👏 @Inchacha

@stayathomer You owe a huge apology to OP.

Yeah . It’s not as long a stretch as you would think.

Troll hunting is against MN guidelines. If you do not believe the OP is genuine you should either report or ignore, not troll hunt on a thread where the OP is possibly having a very difficult time.

"I’m not in the least bit sad or down in the dumps, instead I am excited to have more free time and looking forward to Spring."

It really sounds like you removed the mill stone from around your neck, and the fact that you are feeling more than OK just underlines that you made the right decision.

He didn't cover himself in glory did he? Not even a feeble attempt any form of apology. Or attempt to listen to your POV, only interested in telling you why you were wrong. Complete disagreement when you were "SILLY" enough to repeat your request for him not to drop by whenever he feels like it. What a brat.

You were right on the money when you said he would turn up v early in order to catch you in so he could go over all again, when you specifically asked him not to.
As for the key business...

I agree with @Mrsbloggz and @WearyAuldWumman that he was probably viewing your house etc as his next digs. Well rid.
Onwards and Upwards OP x

She's done better than running, in this instance - she's stood her ground!

The only time I've left in the middle of virtual work meeting when I've been working from home was when the house a few doors down caught fire and we all had to be evacuated by the fire brigade. He sounds very self-centred I'm afraid. He should respect that your job is important, no matter where you are working that particular day and not expect you to entertain him while you are trying to work! It's very dismissive of your job!

It is very concerning that he tried to gain access to your home after you'd told him it was over and that you didn't want to talk. I'm so glad you removed the keys last night. I'd keep that footage just in case things escalate and you need to contact the police.

Yep, I would recommend contacting the police if he tries to come into your flat again. What a creepy barstard, he will say he has things of yours to give you know doubt, let it all go! Enjoy your freedom:-)

It's amazing that she has done it in 24hrs!! Not dragged it out for years like others sadly do (myself included) inspirational.

It doesn't take long to end a relationship where you have no ties. Why should it have to?

It may be that since he was trying to get your key out of the box he does not have a spare one of his own. You may still want to change the locks though!

I really felt for you when you said about the relationship having felt like a chore for a while. You didn't deserve that.
Be happy just you and your boys for a while, you don't need to be in a relationship to feel fulfilled and successful in life.
PS definitely change your locks as well as key box code. Cheeky person looking for the key to let himself into your home!

Simple response to him saying he has stuff of yours... 'Please leave it on your doorstep and it will be collected.' Get a friend to go get it, don't go yourself.