To think my kids grandparents are terrible

[Ryleightown]

I just feel so sorry for my kids that they won’t get loving grandparents like I did. I feel like today’s generation of grandparents are so self centred and hands off. My mom had 2 more kids when I was a teenager and I had to help her relentlessly. Took them out every weekend to the park when I was a teenager and had my own life, had to watch the kids while she gave birth etc. And they’re not in my kids lives at all. In fact, I had my wisdom teeth out today and they couldn’t even help me out with the kids so I’m here quite angry and in heaps of pain (which is probably contributing to my bad mood.) I think 100% you should be prepared to raise your own kids when you have them but my parents should’ve lived by this rule too considering I had to help them raise kids when I was a child myself. And my DH’s parents are just as bad. His dad left when he was young and his mom is going through her own issues. Had given him up a long time ago. Our parents were so reliant on theirs when we was younger but absent when we have kids. It’s infuriating. Husband is out of town on business btw. That’s why he can’t watch kids. We get no support and fair enough not wanting to be in your adult children’s lives ( I don’t understand it) but your grandchildren too?

I dont have kids but i believe these selfish grandparents will reap what they sow.

My Irish nana always looked after me and was just a amazing woman all round. So in turn when she started to get very unwell at the end of 2022 i dropped everything to look after her until she died last year. It was a pleasure.

my other nana was a cold nasty witch so i didn't mind the thought of her rotting away in a care home.

Boomer here, never been on a cruise because a) I can't afford it and b) I'd rather stick pins in my eyes and I feel the same about spa days. I have been struggling to afford to heat my home during this curent cold snap and my treat is to have lunch out once a month. I also help my neighbour out with school pick ups because she is a single parent as I was and I remember how tough it could be. But hey, like everyone in my generation I am loaded, lazy and selfish. If you made such sweeping generalisations about any other demographic you would rightly be called out

Actually I think you will find that this generation of grandparents are more likely to be working because retirement doesn’t kick in until 67 ..so less free time ! Despite working ,many people including myself help out with grandchildren. That is how it is for the majority of people ( you know in the real world!)
You only have to look around to note how many older people are out and about with grandchildren over half term .

Most elderly people do not get family looking after them, including those who helped out lots with grandchildren.
People who are transactional about relationships tend to not be that giving.

i know its not the norm and i dont expect everyone to do what i did. i was just trying to make the point that the grandkids do remember who was there for them and who wasnt.

But by choosing to go on to Gransnet it suggests that "gran" makes up at least part of the identity that they recognise as themselves.

I'm not saying that it's not interesting over there, just pointing out that if someone isn't interested in their grandchildren they are less likely to seek out a forum for grandparents. Therefore the sample will be skewed towards grandparents who are or want to be involved.

I did the same just took stuff to amuse the toddlers and walked around while waiting.

And it was her parents' choice to have more kids when OP was a teenager, so why did they make her look after them?

Her parents sound shit and I wouldn't want them near my children but they have a fucking cheek considering the amount of childcare OP did for them.

I'm assuming you're talking inner/posher areas of London most 3 beds in my area of London are about £500K so rest of the country less you also assume shit didn't happen ruining pensions in previous financial disasters or wars like the Falklands.

Exactly. Personally I think if anything it’s the other way. I don’t recall grandparents when I was growing up having the same level of expectation on them and I see far more doing childcare now. As for emotional blackmail some posters are advocating, that also wouldn’t work with me as I do not wish or ever expect to be a burden on my children and want them to concentrate primarily on their lives and happiness. My children though have been brought up to be grateful for help offered and not to automatically expect free handouts. We have always been there to help out in emergencies but we can’t provide full childcare and they understand this.

I feel like today’s generation of grandparents are so self centred and hands off.

YABVVVU for making the huge leap from "I'm disappointed neither my parents nor dh's support us" to this ridiculous statement.

As has be said already, every generation has had some parents who don't have anything to do with their grandchildren, some who raise their grandchildren themselves, and the overwhelming majority somewhere in between.

This ludicrous "today's generation of grandparents" statement is just laughable.

My middle child was two and I would have to be in the water with my baby. I couldn't leave the two year old on the side, it wouldn't have been allowed.

Not every person who goes into a care home is 'rotting away'. It was certainly the better option for my DM who had vascular dementia and Alzheimer's for over 6 years before she died. Her care home gave her a new lease of life, we knew she was safe having almost walked into a busy road at 4am, had endless falls, ate dinner at 9am because she got her times muddled.

I know you didn't mean it the way it sounded but some of us have had to make very hard decisions to keep our parents safe and 'rotting away' doesn't make it easier.

im sorry x
both of my nans had physical problems rather than the mind problems like Alzheimer’s, i cant even imagine how hard that would be to live with.

I definitely think it's a personality thing rather than a generational thing.

One of my grandfathers refused to learn the names of his grandchildren. He spent his time in the living room and it was a kid free space. My nan was in the kitchen diner and that's where we stayed when we visited weekly. I was 20 when he died never knew my name! My nan wasn't much better. Unsurprisingly they weren't the most affectionate parents either.

My mum's parents were my safe house. They were my everything. They did a lot of child care when we were kids and I knew I could always call them if I needed help.

Until 6 months ago we had no regular support from grandparents, my daughter is 4.5. My in-laws are great help but 5h away so they can only do planned help not weekly or spur of the moment. My mum was a carer to my beloved grandparents and then found herself in need of care. I agree it has made a huge difference to our lives. It's not the regular stuff because that can be planned around with nursery and after-school/breakfast club. It's curve balls, I sprained my ankle last year and couldn't walk or drive for a couple of days. The worst day was my non working day and I couldn't cope with having my daughter at home. I called my parents at 8 am. They came picked us up, took us to their house for the day where they looked after both of us before dropping us off back at home when my partner got home from work.
My mum's parents would have done this....my dad's parents unlikely.

Grandparent here, and I feel hugely lucky that we managed to move to be near our grandchildren. Did two days a week childcare for the first one (we were younger then) and have an amazing relationship with him. Now do odd hours looking after the baby, which is lovely, but I'm too old to care for him safely for a long day like I did the older one. I've seen them lots this half-term - a sleepover at ours, the cinema, play-park and chilling at home. They're a total joy and I feel so lucky to be part of their lives.

Sadly my parents were both the youngest children of very big families so I only knew my grandma on mum's side as she was the only one alive - she was lovely and gave me lots of very good advice, bless her. We visited her for lunch once a week at her house as my mum used to have to go round next door to collect the weekly rent from grandma's tenants! Mum and her were very close and Mum looked after her for several months when she was terminally ill. Everyone's circumstances are different when it comes down to grand-parenting and some people are loving and giving and some are just selfish.

Well, while we're bashing - why did you quote the whole OP?
It's not necessary to do so.

I have been pondering where my millions are, house is worth about £140k in a grim and crime ridden inner city and I manage on my state pension and a small NHS pension. Must check the cupboards and under the bed in case I have stashed my boomer wealth there

Hardly ever a phone call here from GPs asking how their GC are. No falling outs, no reason not to be a part of their lives. Just not interested.

This thread made me think about other relatives, my nieces have two aunties, me and one on their dad's side. She has nothing to do with them, isn't interested, never has been whereas I have done my best to be a loving and involved and relative.

Some people do have so much help though, don't they? My own mum has passed away but I feel so horribly sad when no one else really replies to pictures of my children (sent directly as txts) or asks questions about their lives. In laws didn't want to come to my son's Christmas show (we would have driven them and it was one hour). Fair enough but they didn't even ask how he got on and he was Joseph!

It's also had to keep pushing on when even having another adult to be there to sit with one kid sometimes would make the world of difference.

I sympathise so much. And I also find it hard to tolerate them and their whinging.

This. The boomer generation is mostly self centred and very indulgent. Any help usually given on their terms and conditional. Awful example for the young today.

It is not Boomers I see being self centred as a group. I mean of course some are, like every generation.
But I gave so much to help my community and families. So much voluntary work and helping family and I now think why? No one younger seems to care about older people. They just want us to hobble off our sofas and help them yet more.

Rules like what?

Don't kiss the baby so they don't die from RSV or have coldsores their whole lives? Don't smoke before holding the baby so they don't get ill? Wash your hands first?

Yep. We're all exactly the same. Every single one of us. Just like every single millennial moans about not being able to afford a house, while eating their avocado toast. No variation or exception whatsoever.