When a relative bites your child

[Roberta2020]

I don't want to delve into details, because I am still angry about it.
Let's just say that a relative on my husband's side bit my child to teach them 'how it feels when you bite your brother'.
I was raised to be respectful of elders, so obviously I said nothing and consoled my screaming child, but since then I have felt unable to leave my child alone around that relative.
The relative in question, after saying 'I did it for his own good', changed their tune and started saying they did not do it in front of my husband. My child is adamant he was bitten.
I trust my child. I am not willing to leave him alone with that relative again.
Am I being unreasonable? Am I being too much? Should I give them the benefit of doubt?

Defending the indefensible sweetheart. 😘

How can you not understand the difference between a child doing something and an adult repeating it in retaliation?!

What I find most odd about these kinds of conversations is all the people that pop up to say "I was a child in the 70s and I can say my parents NEVER did that to me"..... how do you all know? Who can remember? Your parents might have bitten you every day between the age of 2 and 3 and you'd have no clue.

Ah. You are one of the types that cannot read or have an intelligent debate. I shall not waste my energy on you further!

You waffle too much sweetheart.

The post states that the OPs child bit his brother. The relative had no right to interfere and was in my view totally wrong in what they did. Whilst I wouldn't report them I would not leave them with either child until a full apology was received and I felt it was genuine.

Old school and probably done to teach than punish. Better than biting the wrong person, who'll properly bite back or whack real hard.

We were all "burnt" on the fireplace, hob and candles at an early age to know not to get close. (Shock horror!!!).

No memory of it personally, but know from seeing the younger ones go through it. No abuse otherwise, just a painful lesson.

I was bitten multiple times aged 6/7 by the boy next door who’s father was a police man in the 70’s, despite several months of the parents intervention and reasoning with him, it continued, only stopped when his father told him he’d been warned enough and bit him very hard, he never did it again, went onto to grow up to be a bank manager he was 10 years old at the time
I have never forgotten it

Which is so unnecessary and cruel. Just as biting them is.

You can teach a child not to bite and not touch hot things without hurting them.

Whatever's next, ''bumping'' them with a car to show them what happens if you don't hold hands crossing the road?

You didn’t ring the police ?! Wtf

You're right to be angry that a relative interferred in your parenting, disciplined your child and assaulted them in the process.

I'd be pushing back firmly and advising other fam members of what happened.

"Teeth are not for biting" is a great book for the biter in your life.

No you’re not being unreasonable. I appreciate what this relative was trying to achieve but it absolutely wasn’t their place to make that decision to discipline your child in that way. Personally I would return to them, say you’ve had time to calm down and have it out with them as you owe this much to your child, and to yourself as you’re clearly annoyed with yourself that you did nothing.

parenting is bloody hard, and not just dealing with the kids.

good luck
x

A parent intentionally burning their child with a candle or hob is cruel and disgusting, and nothing will make me change my mind on that. It’s sad that you are minimising the abuse you all suffered.

I had to click on this feed - just because I couldn’t believe the title actually meant what it sounded like! There is NEVER any circumstances when an adult should show this level of aggression to a child. I would avoid this person at all costs and make sure your child knows it is never ok to bite anyone.

Not okay at all. Not for them to discipline
I'd have a long chat with the relative about their behaviour. Set your bounds with the relative.

Sorry this happened.

Yep it's very old school. My 87 year old granny will gleefully recount how she bit her 3 year old niece at the time because she bit her. "She never bit anyone again after that."

Over reaction much !!

Not at all.

I'd have reported them to the police too.

BURNING and BITING tiny children is child abuse l, pure and simple, It is certainly not parenting or guidance.

If social services or any authority learn of children being bitten and/or burnt they will be removed. The police will be called, because it is assault. These days children are protected from assault by the law.

I am so sorry you were abused as a child, and I suspect that was the least of it - but you were conditioned to say they loved you, and did their best, so even now you haven’t questioned if there was another way. It’s very sad, what a cruel and awful way to raise children.

Your under reaction is called negligence. .

A bite can be nasty if it breaks the skin, leaves marks. Pulling a pigtail isn't really damaging unless you yank so hard hair comes out. I don't thiǹk it's the same.

Nope it's a valid point.
If the child's a serial biter then OP should have been aware and addressed it already. If her child goes around biting others, OP could be reported to social services who could then get involved under the guise of safeguarding concerns and investigate OP to assess the child's well being and OPs parenting practices.

I agree with the parents biting the child to teach them, or encouraging the child they bit to bite them back, but not with some random person - relative or not - just taking it into their own hands and biting a child!
I'm old school, too, a lot of the time.

My mother bit me when I was small as I used to bite my brother. I still remember it now how much it hurt. Didn't donit again. But times have moved on. Your relative should not be assaulting your child.

For me .. 1st I would of punched their lights out and said how does that feel.

2nd I would of called cops on them.

Your child has been assaulted by An adult. That's serious and you done nothing.

Yeh they started it