When a relative bites your child

[Roberta2020]

I don't want to delve into details, because I am still angry about it.
Let's just say that a relative on my husband's side bit my child to teach them 'how it feels when you bite your brother'.
I was raised to be respectful of elders, so obviously I said nothing and consoled my screaming child, but since then I have felt unable to leave my child alone around that relative.
The relative in question, after saying 'I did it for his own good', changed their tune and started saying they did not do it in front of my husband. My child is adamant he was bitten.
I trust my child. I am not willing to leave him alone with that relative again.
Am I being unreasonable? Am I being too much? Should I give them the benefit of doubt?

How old is this relative? If relative is also 4 its a bit different to a teen or adult doing it.

Ugh, what a patronising response. And that ‘sweetheart’ response makes me cringe so much.

Neither of my children ever bit. They actually didn’t hit anyone either and they are now at university. However, I am not arrogant enough to think this was due to some miraculous parenting on our part. My children had very calm dispositions and never had tantrums. It was simply luck.

I know that many children bite in the toddler years and parents have to do their best to give them consequences and monitor them until the behaviour stops. There is no need to bite them back. It is absolutely a developmental stage from any young children.

It was just luck that your kids didn’t bite, just like mine.

Was your child told off for biting his brother? It wasn’t a caring thing for him to do was it?

I think it is far more lazy to bite back, rather than thinking of other ways of teaching the child not to bite. I would not be too proud of the fact that you bit and hit your children when they were growing up. Mine grew up with impeccable manners and I never had to hit or bite them.

It is ‘feral’ by the way. And I think it describes your behaviour as a parent really.

Absolutely horrified by the adult who stapled a child’s finger !!!

no need what so ever to bite a child just so they know what it feels like
children who bite don’t do it at school

I am sorry that you are unaware that there is a whole middle ground between hitting and biting a small child and the other extreme of permissive parenting.

crazy stuff...

This. But I wouldn't make this call with someone else's child though! Thankfully never had to make this call with mine as he wasn't a biter.

So the conclusion from this thread is that there are people who genuinely think it is okay to attack a small child.

Intergenerational abuse seems to be perpetuated.

People don’t realise that there are other ways to discipline a child than assaulting them.

I work in mental health. I promise you that there are adults in much later life who remember vividly being attacked by their parents when young. They are no longer close to their families although they will never ever raise it with their parents. Children remember fear. And when the kids grow up to be parents themselves, some perpetuate the abuse as we have seen here, whilst others never forgive it.

Scary

I would consider a bite to be assault - which is the law in the U.K, and abuse if directed towards a child. Absolutely unforgivable that someone chose to do this to a small toddler that is not even their child. Shocking.
It would be a cold day in hell before someone did this to my child.

This is totally absurd and disgusting behaviour from an adult ! Yes, let's treat violence with violence . I would be having very stern words with this relative and I'd cut all ties with them. How dare they bite your child ??!! A 2 year old is just a baby and doesn't know Jai to regulate their emotions or control their impulses. The poor little thing would be so confused. How terrifying for them !

Biting your child is never needed. There's plenty of ways to teach a child not to bite without biting them yourself.

Not the point!!!!!

I would be furious. I would not let said relative around my child on their own ever again. Unless they apologised, I probably would cut them out of our lives indefinitely

My ndn bit her dc 40 years ago to stop him biting. I was appalled then and i’m appalled now.
It’s wrong to say it’s was acceptable in the 80’s.

A relative of mine bit her child when she bit her brother to show her it hurts.

said child went to her dads and he saw the bite and asked about it. “Mummy bit me”

the result? She was charged with assault by battery and it took her 3 years to get her daughter back

What The Mumsnetting-Fuck did I just read? Are people on this thread seriously condoning an adult biting a child?

They wouldn't see my child again ! Thats disgusting and abuse

It’s the weirdest thread ever.
The amount of ‘parents’ that think the only way to teach a child not to bite is to bite them back is truly shocking.
I am in no way a ‘gentle’ parent. My children are raised with manners and to respect all things. I have never (and will never) resorted to any physical violence. Good parents simply don’t need to. Model the behaviour you wish to see.
what an awful thread

Ah don’t feel bad about it. They might bite you now if you ask them 😆

I know of two cases where children were taken into care because their parents did this to them and it left a mark picked up by nursery. Thought they were ‘showing them how it felt’ too. It is considered abuse and a child protection matter for those who are proudly declaring that they’ve done this to their own children.

Some people here are suggesting old school teaching are ok sometimes but that's not the point of discussion here, but what is never ok is to take liberties in the way to teach or correct a child if the child is not yours. Some people smack their children and I still don't think they have the right to be smacking other children. That relative shouldn't have done that without your consent and you still have the right to put that person in their place. Explain that you want to calm down before speaking to he/her and if they don't support that you don't like that and they don't apologise I would say that then they are not trusted anymore and I wouldn't let my child be alone to them. I would personally feel very angry even if the child bite another, at the end of the day you are the parent and it was between two of your children.

I would have been furious and would have absolutely told that person in no uncertain terms that they totally overstepped their position, I would have added that in fact in future if your child needs any guidance about their behaviour then it is their parents responsibility to do this.

I'd have a firm word with the rellie to say 'not acceptable' and any discipline is your department, not theirs. I'd to do this when FIL smacked my child's hand once. I was furious and left him in no doubt about it.