When a relative bites your child

[Roberta2020]

I don't want to delve into details, because I am still angry about it.
Let's just say that a relative on my husband's side bit my child to teach them 'how it feels when you bite your brother'.
I was raised to be respectful of elders, so obviously I said nothing and consoled my screaming child, but since then I have felt unable to leave my child alone around that relative.
The relative in question, after saying 'I did it for his own good', changed their tune and started saying they did not do it in front of my husband. My child is adamant he was bitten.
I trust my child. I am not willing to leave him alone with that relative again.
Am I being unreasonable? Am I being too much? Should I give them the benefit of doubt?

I did it (gently) to my son - and he never bit anyone else again. But I would NEVER do it to anyone else's child!

WTF, I thought a relative would be a 3 year old cousin (still a poor behaviour, of course)! But sounds like you are talking about a grown up? They would be out of my house, never allowed back in and not seeing my child until the child is old enough to decide if they are up for it.

You're a child abuser and you assaulted your baby daughter. They have no capacity to understand what they did at that age. You could have pretended to cry or even said a stern no and been angry. Biting a little baby to teach them a lesson is absolutely disgusting behaviour.

Wow this thread is wild, I cannot believe that some people think it’s acceptable for an adult to bite children!!! 😮

Then why bring it up other than to try and justify people hurting children?

This is appalling. It's not old school is assault of a toddler,

This thread is mental - people BITE THEIR KIDS?!

YANBU. I would have flipped! My son used to bite me when he was teething, did I ever bite him? No because it is abuse!

I've never understood the reasoning that abusive behaviour not not qualify as abusive behaviour because someone else has done worse.

If that's an effort at minimising this behaviour then it has the opposite effect to the one intended.

'Barbaric' is not too strong a word for adults biting children. It's grotesque, not to mention criminal, behaviour. That it happened 20, 50 or 70 years ago makes it no less grotesque. An abuser is an abuser: this has no concession to generation.

OMG. There is a whole generation that were raised being smacked, and taught what it feels like and now that's not allowed to happen we have a generation that get offended by anything and question the methods that raised them. The next generation are not being taught right from wrong with gentle parenting.

I was pointing out that lots of parents hurt their children through “legal routes”, which are more in depth and painful than a “bite” to a child that needs to learn a lesson.

none are okay, but sometimes a short sharp shock it’s what’s needed. I’m not looking for agreement or approval. Lots of other parents use the technique with success. It teaches them not to bite again…… not this crap of “when we don’t like something we bite”….. that’s utter tosh! 🤣🤷‍♀️

Cultural differences is an excuse for you not standing up for your child OP. It’s not acceptable to bite a child ever. I presume you live in the UK where it’s assault of a minor?

My husband is from a family that ‘spank.’ And my children have never and will never be hit because he made it very clear to his family we don’t agree with it. My MIl spanks the other grandchildren but has never ever done it to mine and knows she cannot.

Your husband is spineless for not saying anything but you also aren’t defending your poor child. If your child strangles another will they do that too to teach them a lesson? Will they hit them if they hit another child?

I don’t understand how anyone inflicts pain on their child. Even in the name of “discipline”. Like how could you do that?!

We question the methods that raised us because it made us all feel like absolute shit. If the whole generation after you chooses not to parent like you does that not show you that your kids thought your parenting was a bit shit.

Did it work? Has he stopped biting?

I'm inclined to agree with you. Biting is a horrendous habit. Eventually another kid will teach her the lesson and not hold back.

Kids need to learn that not everyone they meet will put up with their S**t like mum will.

I was a biter and my mum bite me so I'd stop. I've no recollection of it and I loved her dearly. She was a fabulous mum who until her final breath put us before her own needs. I would NEVER consider her to be an abuser, ever. It was very much a generational thing. My own son was a biter, I didn't and wouldn't bite him back even though I knew of this technique. Times have thankfully moved on but some of these techniques linger. I'd just talk to your relative and tell them your views on this and if they have concerns about biting or hitting they're to talk to you or your DH rather than take it upon themselves to sort out.

Some of the stories here are just awful. Is there no other way to teach a child other than returning the physical aggression?

I simply cannot imagine stapling anyone’s finger, not least my own small child. Just dreadful.

I have a 3 year old but I was born in the 80s. I wasn't hit but I didn't have the gentle parenting approach with my upbringing. Seeing how offended people get at the slightest things is ridiculous and that's down to the way children are raised. Being namby pamby with kids isn't the way

Were there bite marks? If the child was inconsolable I would be expecting to see bite marks.

if there were bite marks i would have had to have said words. I do see you were trying to be polite, but I think you need to reconsider, you are now an adult and need to start making your own laws and not what you were taught as a child, they’re not always correct.

Wait a minute so you weren’t hit but then question why people who were hit as kids “question the methods that raised them?” If you don’t have any personal experience of what those of us who were raised like this are talking about it’s not really your place to say that we’re “nanny pamby” because we don’t want to inflict physical pain on our children.

There are plenty of bullies in the world that my children will encounter, I’ll be damned if I’ll be the first one.

I was a child over 50 years ago. And assaulting your children was definitely not the norm then. I have been a strict and boundaried parent and my children definitely respect adults and behave well in public, but I draw the line at biting them.

My sisters son used to hasstle the cat without ever being stopped. Eventually the cat taught him the lesson his parents couldn't.

Incidentally he wasn't raised with any accountability and he's currently in prison for assaulting a police officer.

Unfortunately the world doesn't gentle parent and if you don't teach your kid how to behave society will. Be it in a big way through the schooling system the police or a llittle way through a less enlightened less patient individual such as your relative.

OMG. As a society, we are also dealing with the dysfunction and trauma caused by generational abuse.

If the only way you can teach your children right or wrong is to beat it into them then you have no business having them. Sort your own issues out.

Just talk to your son tomorrow. Tell him biting is wrong and he should never do it. Also tell him that an adult hurting him is also wrong. Teach him that 2 wrongs don’t make a right and that he can talk to you any time an adult does something to him he doesn’t like.

You’re allowed to make mistakes, next time it’ll be easier to find your voice in the moment and stick up for your son.