When a relative bites your child

[Roberta2020]

I don't want to delve into details, because I am still angry about it.
Let's just say that a relative on my husband's side bit my child to teach them 'how it feels when you bite your brother'.
I was raised to be respectful of elders, so obviously I said nothing and consoled my screaming child, but since then I have felt unable to leave my child alone around that relative.
The relative in question, after saying 'I did it for his own good', changed their tune and started saying they did not do it in front of my husband. My child is adamant he was bitten.
I trust my child. I am not willing to leave him alone with that relative again.
Am I being unreasonable? Am I being too much? Should I give them the benefit of doubt?

@Roberta2020 definitely not being unreasonable. My mother and others all took a similar approach to biting. Tbf, there's nothing worse than a child or other biting another child.
Changed days and I certainly wouldn't bite a child.

The difference is that when a small child bites, they don't understand what they are doing and how much it hurts but when an adult bites a child as punishment and 'to teach them a lesson' they know exactly what they are doing.

Other posters have said that they bit their child hard enough to hurt, otherwise the child wouldn't have understood that biting was painful. This is a dreadful thing for an adult, particularly a parent, to do to their own child. I really can't understand the mindset of a parent that wants to hurt their own child.

Did your child have teeth marks, bruises? If not, I'd say the "bite" wasn't actually a bite, but just to show the child it's naughty and people can bite back. Kids get thrown out of nursery etc because they bite. Dogs bite not children, the child needs to be taught that, one way or another. Personally I'd have shouted at the child so loud their ears would be ringing and they'd have cried, guaranteed. I wouldn't have bit them but, years ago it would have been a bite for a bite. now can't even give a good slap on the bottom to stop bad behaviour. Can't correct kids now so expect bad behaviour.

To be honest, I'm not sure what other people think but I've assumed it is one of his parents that did this, probably his mum, the fact that they are older and the child is left alone in their care, plus OP mentioned cultural differences, and they seemed to admit doing something in the moment to OP but then denied it in front of DH, makes me think it is OPs MIL, could be wrong of course.

Not sure how DH would have received it and if he plans on doing anything about it, if it is his mum none of this will be a surprise to him surely?

I'm very confident that the police would disagree with that.

But then if a relative smacked my child, they wouldn't be seeing them again either.

Making it clear to my child that I will protect them from adults who thinks it's acceptable to physically abuse them isn't excessive.

You should have absolutely said something. If you don’t defend your child who will? The moment has now passed but the opportunity to set clear boundaries has not. ‘We do not physically punish our children and you have crossed a serious line and this will not happen again.’ I would only permit supervised visits and would insist they apologise to my child. Guessing your child is made to apologise to their sibling when they bite? This makes me feel sick and I’d be raging and would have completely lost my shit at the person. I’m guessing it’s your MIl because I can think of few other relatives that would so disgustingly cross a major boundary like this. Where is your husband in all this?!

You can make a point without really....doing the same? Like when my children bit in my arm (or such) - they never bit other children - I would put my teeth in their arm without really biting and explaining that the more I bit the more it hurt? I let them say when it hurt and please stop mommy - never hurt them, just gently warned them by demonstrating teeth cán hurt. I would never ever hurt a child!

I would have pointed out another fact. Just because a child does something wrong it doesn't mean the adult should do it too. They should know better. They have just taught the child that it's OK to bite if your a grown up. They should know better.

There’s respecting your elders and then condoning abuse of your own child. Someone bit your child and you knew and did nothing. Wow

Yes. I agree. Why do relatives think they can assault the most vulnerable members of the family? Report it to police. The lying and gas lighting your child is also emotionally abusive.

Wtaf 😱

It's so disgusting. It's feral.

My husband's relative was very proud of the time she bit his cousin to "teach him".
I never left my child with her alone. I made it very clear to my husband that if she bit our child, she would never see her again and I meant it.
TBH I don't think the relative would have been bothered about not seeing our child anyway but my point was made.

Yes, they know what they are doing. Teaching them not to bite and in mine and other people’s experiences? It worked and stopped right away. You don’t do it hard… at all. It’s the shock of you doing something straight away and your reaction to their bite.

parents hurt their children all the time. Ear piercing, circumcission,…… I mean, that’s okay is it?

Is your argument really ''well other people hurt their children''? Wow.

I think ear piercing and circumcision is wrong too.

I agree that the relative shouldn’t have disciplined the child.

I don’t agree with smacking.
my personal opinion is that it is excessive to stop a child from seeing a family member because of this.

would I talk to them and make it clear they are not to do things like that? Yes. Would I deprive my child of that relationship? No,

🤣 no. That wasn’t my argument lol so don’t twist my words lol 😂

I don't agree with circumcision (unless medically mandated) or ear piercing for small children.

If you’re talking behaviour modification, you might want to start closer to home.

So you assaulted your child in an attempt to punish them. And have boasted about it on a forum. Weird.

Unreasonable? I'd have knocked her out on her ass on the floor.

The mere fact that you were able bite a 2 year old toddler, and it must have been hard enough to hurt them, that you could look at their little face and most likely heard them crying after you'd done that, and STILL find some way to try and justify it in your mind is very telling.
Have you ever been assessed for sociopathy?

Weird is an understatement

What else have you done to stop your children's behaviour?
Would you kick or punch them if they kicked or punched someone?

And most parents really don't hurt their children all the time.

Depriving them of what? A relationship with someone who thinks physical abuse is appropriate?