When a relative bites your child

[Roberta2020]

I don't want to delve into details, because I am still angry about it.
Let's just say that a relative on my husband's side bit my child to teach them 'how it feels when you bite your brother'.
I was raised to be respectful of elders, so obviously I said nothing and consoled my screaming child, but since then I have felt unable to leave my child alone around that relative.
The relative in question, after saying 'I did it for his own good', changed their tune and started saying they did not do it in front of my husband. My child is adamant he was bitten.
I trust my child. I am not willing to leave him alone with that relative again.
Am I being unreasonable? Am I being too much? Should I give them the benefit of doubt?

It takes some special kind of person to take a toddler's little arm and bite hard enough to cause pain to 'teach them a lesson'.

You don't actually know that is what happened, OP didn't seem to see any physical evidence of what happened. just that her child is adamant it happened and she believes them (if there was a physical mark or scar or teeth impressions she wouldn't be relying on her child to tell the truth, she would have seen it for herself) she was there immediately as soon as it happened so if someone had bitten them hard enough to cause pain there would have been evidence of it, I don't condone anyone physically punishing your child, but he could well have been crying from shock rather than pain.

If this sort of behaviour was acceptable and effective, why isn't this technique used by adults on other adults that they have authority over?

TBH this is such a ridiculous thing to say and I've seen it said quite a lot on here, it really isn't comparable at all.. if an adult came up to you and pushed you.. would you just stand there or would you push them back? What if they pushed or kicked or bit your child? Would you stand there or would you intervene and defend your child?

This wasn't some random attack from an adult to a child, it was one child biting, who at 4 is more than old enough to know that their actions are causing pain and suffering to a smaller weaker child and the adult intervening in a way they thought age appropriate to stop it happening/defend the younger child.

I don't agree with the persons actions AT ALL and would never tolerate someone doing that to my child, family member or not, but it is nothing like your boss biting you for not getting a project in on time FFS.. what a silly comparison.

Instead of making excuses about her 4 year old being tired and overstimulated, she should be safeguarding her younger child from his attacks and this probably wouldn't have happened in the first place.

My post was in response to a poster who said that she bit her own toddler daughter's arm hard enough to hurt her and teach her a lesson after her daughter bit her on the boob.

Because one person is a child and the other is an adult, obviously. What a very stupid question.

Do you know the relative actually bit your child? You didn’t mention any marks and seemed to give the impression you me child was the one screaming and who told you about it?

Kids lie, could it possible they got caught biting their sibling, got told off and the relative said they would bite them back if they did it again and started screaming? My son has a screamed in the past when he’s been caught up to no good. No one’s touched him, it’s just how he reacts sometimes.

If they did bite your child, I honestly cannot believe you didn’t say anything. Respect is earnt not given, and I wouldn’t be respecting any person who thought it was acceptable to assault my child. Don’t care what age or relation they are.

A 4 year old should not be going around biting people. Is this a common occurrence that everyone around you is sick of witnessing all the time and you not doing anything to stop it? I’m not defending their actions, but at some point someone has to step in a discipline a child who is harming other children (not physically I might add, but I know some of the older generation resort to it as that’s what they know). My son is the same age and has never bitten anyone. I know all children are different but it’s really not acceptable for a 4 year old to be biting his younger brother when he is tired and you need to get on top of that. The way you worded it seemed to brush over it as a normal thing kids do, and it really isn’t.

I bet it was, probably the last time she trusted her mum also. Why would you be proud of this????

Oh please no.

I wouldn't be seeing them again. It's not OK. And those who bite to show biting hurts, all you're doing is saying to a brain at that developmental stage "We bite when people do something we don't like"

Would your child be willing to be left with this person? This is nowadays considered to be the wrong way to go about this. The adult needs seriously telling....tantamount to assault.

I agree with you. That poster is totally missing the point

Fully agree with you. What a nasty thing to do to your own child

My son was about 20 months old when he bit my upper arm…. Hard enough to break the skin and bruise.
I “bit” him back, like you, not hard and said “you do not bite”.

He never bit me or anyone again.

In this instance though, it wasn’t mom or dad they did the disciplining. It was an older relative, which I don’t think is acceptable.
I definitely would have said something, and made it clear that they needed to apologise and under no circumstances do anything like that again.

banning them from seeing the child is a bit excessive.

my other question about this scenario, is why would someone else have to step in to quell the biting suffered by the brother, if the parents were dealing with it in the right way? Was it constant? Was there injuries?

but anyway….. yes. Biting is a hard no for me and I felt with it the same way as you did. 🫶

I don't think it's excessive at all. I'd be involving the police too.

Biting a child is disgusting.

I think it is excessive.

there’s a difference between BITING and biting.

same as smacking and beating.

When our second DS was a baby/toddler he went through a biting stage, would try and bite his elder brother. My MIL said-bite him back then he’ll stop, I couldn't believe it, I told her quite clearly that I don't bite children.
I mentioned this to our health visitor, she instantly changed from a smiley supportive person to a serious face health care professional, saying they take any adult bite marks seriously, it would raise an instant safeguarding concern, as it should.
Funnily enough, years later, the MIL moans that she never sees her grown up grand children….

Mine did too, but I managed to teach her without resorting to biting her. A firm no, followed by unlatching her and putting her down on the floor, was more than enough to teach her that biting led to an undesirable outcome for her.

If your husband was at least half a man,he would sort this out himself.

My mum did this when I bit my baby sister (I was 6). She bit my hand to show me how much it hurt. I haven’t used the same method on my children, but it did work.

I had a biter. The health visitor told me to scream and put him straight down when he bit me. That worked too.

Both methods could be seen as overly dramatic, I suppose.

I suspect loads of people have thought it'd be a good way to reach a child but to actually do it!!! OMG how awful what a cruel thing to do, your poor child. I hope child is OK. I'd never want to see that person again.

My mum did it to me and I still trusted her because it wasn’t part of a regime of abuse; it was a one off with an explanation following.

I always think of the phrase, “two wrongs don’t make a right.” Biting your sibling is wrong, but small children do tend to bite. An adult biting a child to teach them it hurts is very wrong.

I'd be calling socail services. Natural consequences and all that.

That's assault! You need to call the police. It's a safeguarding issue. Protect your child, not the relative.

This. Although I’d have ripped their teeth out

Either way, this would be for OP to deal with, not an adult relative

That's assault perhaps tell them if anyone heard about that and the police turn up who would you ask to lie about it to cover up. Obviously an assault on a child would be regarded by the police as a serious criminal act. Relative telling lies not owning up to the parents is another red flag.