Page 11 | When a relative bites your child

Roberta2020 · 2025-02-20T15:27:16+00:00

I don't want to delve into details, because I am still angry about it. Let's just say that a relative on my husband's side bit my child to teach them 'how it feels when you bite your brother'. I was raised to be respectful of elders, so obviously I said nothing and consoled my screaming child, but since then I have felt unable to leave my child alone around that relative. The relative in question, after saying 'I did it for his own good', changed their tune and started saying they did not do it in front of my husband. My child is adamant he was bitten. I trust my child. I am not willing to leave him alone with that relative again. Am I being unreasonable? Am I being too much? Should I give them the benefit of doubt?

caringcarer · 20/02/2025 20:52

Wtf is wrong with this relative? Don't leave DC anywhere near them again.

Littleblackcatsmum · 20/02/2025 21:24

IfItWasUpToMeIWould · 20/02/2025 19:16

My ‘kids’ are amazing and I couldn’t be more proud of them, we have a fantastic adult and equal relationship… In my DS’s words when we were bursting with pride at his graduation ceremony, he said “I am the product of good parenting”, further more neither of them are not afraid of me, in fact I found that particular statement you made hilarious 🤣🤣🤣
With respect you need to give your head a shake, clearly you believe you are right, and that’s fine because I don’t even know you, but your sweeping statements have no place in my life or my children’s lives, or in my quote.
Have a nice evening.

Show quote history

I'm the product of good parenting. I don't look back at everything my parents did, particularly my more strict dad, and say yes they were 100 percent right. Just because your kids are doing well and love you (and probably forgive your more daft moments) doesn't mean everything you did will work for all parents and all kids.

NiftyKoala · 20/02/2025 21:30

Evilspiritgin · 20/02/2025 19:08

Tell me , I work in a supermarket in a town that caters for tourists, we’ve at the moment got a 13 / 14 yr old who’s threatened our staff with a knife, another 14 yr old who’ with friends pinches bottles of alcohol , loads more who just come in and cause trouble , parents of the first two thinks the sun shines out of their arses, school couldn’t care less (when I was at said school if we’d not dare to do anything that would bring the schools name into disrepute), parents don’t care , police don’t care either, I’m sure though if one of the kids gets run over by one of our wagons , they all would start caring

that’s not to forget the mums and dads of younger kids, who walk around simpering at the 3-4 yr old “don’t do that darling mummy/daddy won’t be happy, come here and get a magazine instead

Show quote history

Growing up, I'm 50 there was a boy we nicknamed Jimmy why'd you do that because his mother used to say that oh 100 times a day. Died in prison. NO I AM NOT SAYING THATS WHAT HAPPENS TO EVERY CHILD WHO ISNT PARENTED. But it did to Jimmy why'd you do that.

Littleblackcatsmum · 20/02/2025 21:40

NiftyKoala · 20/02/2025 21:30

Growing up, I'm 50 there was a boy we nicknamed Jimmy why'd you do that because his mother used to say that oh 100 times a day. Died in prison. NO I AM NOT SAYING THATS WHAT HAPPENS TO EVERY CHILD WHO ISNT PARENTED. But it did to Jimmy why'd you do that.

Show quote history

Did Jimmy or his parents have any other issues?

Would he not have been in prison if someone had bitten him?

Snugglemonkey · 20/02/2025 22:31

suburburban · 20/02/2025 16:16

Hardly abuse

When you look at the horror stories in the media such as Sara Sharif or baby P

I have this kind of response. Yes, sometimes abuse reaches grotesque levels. That does not mean biting a child once is ok. That us still an abusive action.

Dishwater123 · 20/02/2025 22:32

needapokerface · 20/02/2025 15:40

My daughter bit me on the fleshy part of my boob when she was about 2, a full set of teeth marks were visible for hours and I bit her on her arm not as hard as she bit me but enough to know it hurts.

It was the 1st and last time she ever bit anyone.

Old school is sometimes the best way, as they have no idea how much it hurts till they experience it.

Gross.

Snugglemonkey · 20/02/2025 22:33

needapokerface · 20/02/2025 16:19

Okay so before everyone derails the post, this was not abuse, it may be considered abuse now by the flaky way in which we parent, as in we have no control over our children, the teachers have no control of the children and the police have no control over children.

When this happened it was over 30 odd years ago, this is not an excuse and I will not be apologising for teaching my daughter a valuable lesson.

As the saying goes opinions are like arse holes and everyone has one.

You don't have to like or agree with what I did, but at the time it was the correct thing to do for me.

Show quote history

Delude yourself all you like, most abusers do. There are no circumstances under which biting a child is ok, especially a toddler.

Hankunamatata · 20/02/2025 22:35

Roberta2020 · 20/02/2025 17:20

Thank you for all your messages.
The story behind a person is always more complex than a few lines can explain - it's especially difficult to talk back when you have been raised no to talk back and to bow to older people. Different cultures, different habits that become ingrained. Having said that, nobody ever bit me or hit me to teach me something.
I do kick myself for not being able to shout at that relative at that time. It would have been the appropriate response. I immediately took my child away and acknowledged his pain and told him that what they did to him was wrong, then left with him. I had not foreseen something like that would happen.
My child is incredibly caring towards his little brother, with just some rough moments when he is tired or overstimulated. He is only 4.
Anyway, thank you for all of your messages. They helped me make up my mind. I will be addressing this with my husband.

You still havnt said what damage he did to his little brother

SouthLondonMum22 · 20/02/2025 22:40

Snugglemonkey · 20/02/2025 22:33

Delude yourself all you like, most abusers do. There are no circumstances under which biting a child is ok, especially a toddler.

Show quote history

Absolutely.

Do some people really think the options are bite your child or have an out of control child? That's just ridiculous.

suburburban · 20/02/2025 22:41

@Snugglemonkey

It's totally disproportionate and I think there is nothing wrong with this approach.

Snugglemonkey · 20/02/2025 22:43

ClockingOffers · 20/02/2025 16:46

Presumably, you were being ineffective in stopping your child biting others and perhaps other annoying behaviours?

If that’s the case, then I’d support the grandparent. Presumably, they didn’t draw blood but just gave the child pause for thought?

Ineffective parenting is the bane of everyone’s lives at the moment.

You would support a relative abusing your child? I would ring the police.

suburburban · 20/02/2025 22:44

Haven't they got enough to do

SouthLondonMum22 · 20/02/2025 22:45

Snugglemonkey · 20/02/2025 22:43

You would support a relative abusing your child? I would ring the police.

Show quote history

I'd involve the police too.

IfItWasUpToMeIWould · 20/02/2025 22:54

Littleblackcatsmum · 20/02/2025 21:24

I'm the product of good parenting. I don't look back at everything my parents did, particularly my more strict dad, and say yes they were 100 percent right. Just because your kids are doing well and love you (and probably forgive your more daft moments) doesn't mean everything you did will work for all parents and all kids.

Show quote history

Yes that’s true, I totally accept your response, and thank you. I’m sure as parents we made mistakes.
I think I’m just trying to say our kids have grown up into well adjusted happy adults without issues, and they are definitely not scared of me as someone suggested, I’m struggling to understand why someone said that, it was cruel. Our DC’s understood right from wrong, and they had nothing to be scared of as kids and don’t as adults, we are a ‘normal’ loving relaxed family.

Snugglemonkey · 20/02/2025 22:54

ImTheOnlyUpsyOne · 20/02/2025 17:22

I too am interested to know...
A) what OPs method of stopping her child from biting is and...
B) Since this incident, has child bitten again?

It may be missing the point but I do think if it curbs the behaviour and child doesn't do it again...hey ho.

Also, I do believe if this is a relative that loves your child and you have trusted up till this point, having a conversation to say please don't do that again, should be enough.

I also think having 1 awkward conversation with a family member is a lot better than having a bunch of nursery or school mums angry with you because your child thinks it OK to bite....

All of the people screaming abuse on here would be livid if their Child was bitten by another and the other parent was apologetic but had nothing in place to stop the behaviour.

Show quote history

Lots of other consequences would probably also curb the behaviour, but also fall into the abusive category. It is why people do not hit children, burn them, cut them etc. Because harming children is NEVER a hey ho matter!

Hallebere · 20/02/2025 23:12

SouthLondonMum22 · 20/02/2025 19:46

So it's ok for an adult to have a knee jerk reaction but not a 4 year old?

You're expecting more from the 4 year old than you are the adult. If an adult can't possibly control themselves with knee jerk reactions, how can a 4 year old be expected to?

Show quote history

I don't condone the adults behaviour at all. Just because it's a knee jerk reaction doesn't mean it's right. However, a 4 year old biting is not on at all and I would be fuming if another 4 year old bit my child.

ImTheOnlyUpsyOne · 20/02/2025 23:16

Snugglemonkey · 20/02/2025 22:54

Lots of other consequences would probably also curb the behaviour, but also fall into the abusive category. It is why people do not hit children, burn them, cut them etc. Because harming children is NEVER a hey ho matter!

Show quote history

Yes...that's why A was my first question.
I know OP isn't here to tell what she IS doing to curb the behaviour and that it isn't the point of this post.

But so many users having chimed in to say they had to use this to deter their own children from biting, it's made me curious to hear what the other consequences for a 4 year old to stop biting are. Because 4 year old is too old to be biting, IMO (SEN aside)

Snugglemonkey · 20/02/2025 23:17

IfItWasUpToMeIWould · 20/02/2025 17:51

You speak utter rubbish, some kids are ferrel because their parents are either too busy, too tired or can’t be bothered to teach them right from wrong.
If our kids hurt each other they got back what they gave out from me. Guess what, we have an excellent loving well balanced loving relationship with our adult DD and DS, and they are successful in every possible way.
I saw a child in Sainsbury’s a while back, about 4 yrs old, dragging stuff off the shelves and throwing it on the floor, the mother did nothing. If that’s today’s parenting then something has gone seriously wrong!

Show quote history

They got back what they gave out? That is not parenting, it's exacting revenge on someone weaker. It teaches that it is ok to abuse someone weaker. I think the previous posters opinion was spot on.

NiftyKoala · 20/02/2025 23:21

Littleblackcatsmum · 20/02/2025 21:40

Did Jimmy or his parents have any other issues?

Would he not have been in prison if someone had bitten him?

Show quote history

Please reread his mother always said Jimmy...I also bolded that I was not saying that was why Jimmy died in prison....

SouthLondonMum22 · 20/02/2025 23:42

Hallebere · 20/02/2025 23:12

I don't condone the adults behaviour at all. Just because it's a knee jerk reaction doesn't mean it's right. However, a 4 year old biting is not on at all and I would be fuming if another 4 year old bit my child.

Show quote history

Of course a 4 year old biting is wrong, no one is going to disagree with that.

I'd be upset if another child bit my child but children will grow and learn, I'd be beyond furious if an adult bit my child.

thepariscrimefiles · 21/02/2025 08:47

needapokerface · 20/02/2025 16:19

Okay so before everyone derails the post, this was not abuse, it may be considered abuse now by the flaky way in which we parent, as in we have no control over our children, the teachers have no control of the children and the police have no control over children.

When this happened it was over 30 odd years ago, this is not an excuse and I will not be apologising for teaching my daughter a valuable lesson.

As the saying goes opinions are like arse holes and everyone has one.

You don't have to like or agree with what I did, but at the time it was the correct thing to do for me.

Show quote history

I don't think that biting small children was ever acceptable, even 30 years ago. It takes some special kind of person to take a toddler's little arm and bite hard enough to cause pain to 'teach them a lesson'.

If this sort of behaviour was acceptable and effective, why isn't this technique used by adults on other adults that they have authority over? Would a manager biting a member of their staff who made a mistake be OK? If not, why not, if physical punishments are acceptable to use on small children, why not use them on adults?

thepariscrimefiles · 21/02/2025 08:56

NiftyKoala · 20/02/2025 21:30

Growing up, I'm 50 there was a boy we nicknamed Jimmy why'd you do that because his mother used to say that oh 100 times a day. Died in prison. NO I AM NOT SAYING THATS WHAT HAPPENS TO EVERY CHILD WHO ISNT PARENTED. But it did to Jimmy why'd you do that.

Show quote history

Children who are physically punished by their parents are more likely to display aggressive and anti-social behaviours. Therefore, it is counter-productive as well as morally wrong.

Concentrationlost · 21/02/2025 09:07

thepariscrimefiles · 21/02/2025 08:47

I don't think that biting small children was ever acceptable, even 30 years ago. It takes some special kind of person to take a toddler's little arm and bite hard enough to cause pain to 'teach them a lesson'.

If this sort of behaviour was acceptable and effective, why isn't this technique used by adults on other adults that they have authority over? Would a manager biting a member of their staff who made a mistake be OK? If not, why not, if physical punishments are acceptable to use on small children, why not use them on adults?

Show quote history

Do you know what, last night after reading this thread, I actually looked at my 3 YOs tiny little arms and that made the thread all the more distressing. How could anyone want to harm such a tiny person? Some posters on this thread seem very proud, and almost seem to take pleasure from the fact that they harmed their children. It is so fucked up.

Concentrationlost · 21/02/2025 09:10

I'd imagine the only 'valuable lesson' these posters taught their DC was 'Mummy is not your safe place'.

NiftyKoala · 21/02/2025 13:20

thepariscrimefiles · 21/02/2025 08:56

Children who are physically punished by their parents are more likely to display aggressive and anti-social behaviours. Therefore, it is counter-productive as well as morally wrong.

Show quote history

Where did I say he should have been physically punished? I was responding to someone one talking about a boy's parent who didn't parent. Nothing at all to do with what punishment. Have a lovely day.