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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not share my inheritance with sibling?

371 replies

MoneyFromMyGodmother · 20/02/2025 14:42

A few years ago, my godmother died and left me some money. Not a huge amount, less than she left her own children but a bit there was also a smaller amount left to my DC (I only have 1) whom GM met multiple times – one of GMs DC is Godparent to my DC. For context until her death I saw GM 2-3 times (both here and where GM lived about 200 miles from me) a year, we video called monthly, and when DC was born GM came to visit us and stayed in a hotel nearby, cooking for us and made DC a toy that they still treasure now.

I have a sibling, who has different godparents to me. To my knowledge sibling has had no contact with their godparents ever. I know at least one of their godparents has also died but they were left nothing.

To me this isn’t my problem, I didn’t expect inheritance from my GM, it was a nice surprise when their DC contacted me and said “Mum left some money for you and (DCs name), can I have the bank details to pay it into?”

My mum, especially, but both parents think it’s unfair and I should split my money between me and sibling and share DCs money with DNs. It would give me half and DC a quarter of what was left to them.

I want to keep it all, but if I do share it, it’ll be mine I share and not DCs (I’ve moved theirs into a 30 day notice access ISA in their name anyway so can’t easily get at it) so I’ll be left with less than 5th of what was left to me.

Like I said it’s not a huge amount, enough for a once in a lifetime holiday, or to clear my debts but not enough to be life changing. Dc received less than me and I will be topping it up before they turn 18 to make it a bit more (once debts are cleared) but it’s still not a huge amount.

If it makes a difference I'm a lone parent (ExH not allowed contact), sibling is married to the other parent of their DC.

AIBU to not share mine and DCs money?

OP posts:
Pallisers · 20/02/2025 15:43

I wouldn't dream of it. I am actually shocked that your mother thinks your daughter should share with her 3 cousins.

Pay off your debts, start saving for a holiday, keep the money for your dd in a high-interest account for when she is older.

If your godmother wanted to give money to your sister, she would have put it in her will.

Coffdrops · 20/02/2025 15:45

It's your money. I wouldn't be discussing money going forward with the family 😕

TwistedWonder · 20/02/2025 15:46

Absolutely not. It was a lovely gift left to you. You did t ask for the money and you appreciate the gesture so go and enjoy it and ignore your families ridiculous demands.

You late godmother would want you to do something nice for yourself that’s why she left it to you.

Whosaidthathuh · 20/02/2025 15:47

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Sunnydiary · 20/02/2025 15:47

Absolutely not. Cheeky fuckers.

GoldenLegend · 20/02/2025 15:47

Pay off your debts with it. Tell your mother that if she wants your sibling to inherit something, she needs to start saving!

HelenCurlyBrown · 20/02/2025 15:47

That would be nuts, and really rude of them to even suggest it

TwistedWonder · 20/02/2025 15:47

MoneyFromMyGodmother · 20/02/2025 15:22

I still have the money, I couldn't decide what to do with it so stuck it in a high interest account until I can decide.

My DC really wants to go to a particular place on holiday, the money would cover it, so I'm tempted to book it and just go, raise a glass of my GMs favourite drink to her while away.

But equally I could pay off my debts with it and then save for the holiday.

Book the holiday, treat you and your DD and yes raise a glass or two to your lovely generous godmother

OVienna · 20/02/2025 15:47

OP - for the love of GOD, don't give them a bean.

Tell them you've used your portion of the money to settle a few outstanding debts and the rest is in an account for your DC, which you are legally obliged to leave in their name until they are 18.

skyeisthelimit · 20/02/2025 15:48

No, you shouldn't have to share this, it was left to you by your Godmother and she could have left some to your sibling had she wanted to but she didn't.

Your parents chose the godparents, they could have had this same person for your sibling but didn't.

it is your good fortune and I can see why the sibling would be jealous, but there is no way that you should have to give any of yours to them.

gumpit · 20/02/2025 15:49

Your godmothers wishes should be respected. She wanted you to have it - not others.

Purplebunnie · 20/02/2025 15:49

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 20/02/2025 14:56

Not saying you should share at all but how would you feel if the situation was reversed.

That is what would determine what I would do if it were me

My cousin is my brother's GM. I am presuming that when the unfortunate time comes that I won't get anything.

My GM left me a couple of hundred but my brother will get a house, it's contents and any money - unless she's left to a cat's home. That's life. It's her choice how she disperses her estate

Getupat8amnow · 20/02/2025 15:50

OP, your Godmother gifted YOU and YOUR child the money in her will, as much as you love your sibling your Godmother did not leave money to them. Please keep the money as that is what your Godmother intended.

Use the money to pay off your debts and then save for other things like a holiday knowing you are clear of debts. As you say, you would not mind if it had been your sibling left money by their Godmother, certainly you would not try to get some of it. Your family are wrong to emotionally blackmail you regarding this.

angelinawasrobbed · 20/02/2025 15:52

Tell them that if you had a lottery windfall, you would certainly share it. But this was specifically leFt to you by someone your sibling had no relationship with, and it would be a betrayal of trust to share it.

Then, win the lottery AND DONT TELL THEM!!

VWT5 · 20/02/2025 15:52

No, it has been tied up in a long term investment.
It is not accessible.
The proceeds of GM’s estate was distributed by the executor in accordance with the will - this is the end of the matter
ad infinitum…

Huckyfell · 20/02/2025 15:53

A lesson to us all, if you come into some money keep your mouth shut totally, even from your parents as money is a root of bitterness.
Op, the money is yours, not to share with anyone unless you choose to. You need a straight word with your mum

Nanny0gg · 20/02/2025 15:54

MoneyFromMyGodmother · 20/02/2025 15:22

I still have the money, I couldn't decide what to do with it so stuck it in a high interest account until I can decide.

My DC really wants to go to a particular place on holiday, the money would cover it, so I'm tempted to book it and just go, raise a glass of my GMs favourite drink to her while away.

But equally I could pay off my debts with it and then save for the holiday.

My response to them?

'Hahahahahahaha. No.'

OVienna · 20/02/2025 15:54

Huckyfell · 20/02/2025 15:53

A lesson to us all, if you come into some money keep your mouth shut totally, even from your parents as money is a root of bitterness.
Op, the money is yours, not to share with anyone unless you choose to. You need a straight word with your mum

The mother was passing her time searching the London Gazette apparently, that's how it came out.

Tagyoureit · 20/02/2025 15:54

So your family don't know it's in an account so just say you paid off some debt with it, got a few nice bits for dd that she's since grown out of.

Would this amount of money completely clear your debts off? Do you pay monthly to lower them?

Personally, I'd clear the debt, it's so freeing to finally get rid of debt!

user1471538283 · 20/02/2025 15:55

You do not share this! Your GM specifically left it to you to help you or to go on holiday or whatever you would like. By sharing it you are going against her wishes.

Your sibling may feel it's unfair but it isn't. She was your GM and you were close. She loved you and your DC and you were to have it so that's that.

Your family are really upsetting putting money above what your GM wanted. How dare they!

Huckyfell · 20/02/2025 15:56

OVienna · 20/02/2025 15:54

The mother was passing her time searching the London Gazette apparently, that's how it came out.

Show quote history

Thank you, I never read that bit.

DeepFatFried · 20/02/2025 15:56

I would ask your Mum whether she thinks your DSis and her DH should be sharing their income with you, since they have more and you are a single parent.

If she is so keen to see money paid to one person share out to be ‘fair’.

Will your DSis and BIL be leaving ££ in their wills you you and your Dc?

Your Mum is a shit stirrer. It would be outrageous to give away your DC’s money.

And shame on your DSis if she accepted a penny from you.

I would just tell your Mum you think it is inappropriate of her to question your godmothers wishes, and inappropriate to suggest you give ££ to your DSis when she knows full well you struggle, and when godmother knew you struggle and wanted to help you.

Otherwise… just tell the grabby pair of them to get fucked.

LatteLady · 20/02/2025 15:56

Not your mother's or brother's business. You forged the relationship with your Godmother, your brother does not seem to have bothered with his. The money is for you to enjoy, so go ahead and enjoy it.

MixedBananas · 20/02/2025 15:57

Tell them nothing I wouldn't have told them something that personal.

Lovemybunnies · 20/02/2025 15:58

Your Mum had to pay to access that will. It was a deliberate act which is suspicious in itself. Please don’t let her make you give this up. I once acted in an estate where someone gave up £50,000 because one of the executors made them feel so guilty. It’s just wrong.