To not share my inheritance with sibling?

[MoneyFromMyGodmother]

A few years ago, my godmother died and left me some money. Not a huge amount, less than she left her own children but a bit there was also a smaller amount left to my DC (I only have 1) whom GM met multiple times – one of GMs DC is Godparent to my DC. For context until her death I saw GM 2-3 times (both here and where GM lived about 200 miles from me) a year, we video called monthly, and when DC was born GM came to visit us and stayed in a hotel nearby, cooking for us and made DC a toy that they still treasure now.

I have a sibling, who has different godparents to me. To my knowledge sibling has had no contact with their godparents ever. I know at least one of their godparents has also died but they were left nothing.

To me this isn’t my problem, I didn’t expect inheritance from my GM, it was a nice surprise when their DC contacted me and said “Mum left some money for you and (DCs name), can I have the bank details to pay it into?”

My mum, especially, but both parents think it’s unfair and I should split my money between me and sibling and share DCs money with DNs. It would give me half and DC a quarter of what was left to them.

I want to keep it all, but if I do share it, it’ll be mine I share and not DCs (I’ve moved theirs into a 30 day notice access ISA in their name anyway so can’t easily get at it) so I’ll be left with less than 5th of what was left to me.

Like I said it’s not a huge amount, enough for a once in a lifetime holiday, or to clear my debts but not enough to be life changing. Dc received less than me and I will be topping it up before they turn 18 to make it a bit more (once debts are cleared) but it’s still not a huge amount.

If it makes a difference I'm a lone parent (ExH not allowed contact), sibling is married to the other parent of their DC.

AIBU to not share mine and DCs money?

Your family sound like chavs. Who on earth searches for a dead person’s will online to check how much money their child will get? To then guilt trip that child into giving the money to the rest of the family? It’s such uncouth, grabby, brazen behaviour.

He has different GPs - would he share his inheritance with you if they passed away?! I very much doubt it.

Your mum sounds awful. More upset about money than a family friend dying.

I’d just say you’ve spent it already so you cant share it.

if you wanted to be nice you could treat them to something nice for a small amount that they might enjoy and just say you had a bit left over after clearing your debts.

You’ve been given lots of ways to say no here.
“Ha, ha - you have got to be ffing kidding me. Hell would freeze over first” is also a suitable alternative.

The bigger issue is the level of guilt and obligation you clearly have to try and keep your family happy. To win your mother’s favour. It won’t happen however much you give any of them and it won’t stop her from calling on you in her old age either. I suspect you are far keener to please than your sister is.

You need to work on that. And ideally remove the temptation to pander to their entitlement and bullying behaviour so I think you should pay the debts.

Can’t believe your parents are getting involved. If it’s so important for them, they should save and give money to their grandchildren by your sister.

I don't think you should share it.
I think you maintained a relationship with your GM and they've shown they appreciated that with leaving some money which is lovely. And it sounds like a reasonable amount if it can pay for a holiday or clear your debts. Both of which are very worthwhile. (Obviously clearing debts is logical but holidays are valuable too.)

It's disappointing your family all feel entitled to that money. I expect if it was your sibling that was in this position, that they wouldn't be so keen to share.

From another angle.. If I left money in my will to my Goddaughter and their child I’d be really annoying if they then gave that money away.. even if they were getting pressured into it by family.

You had a relationship with her. Not your sister. It sounds like you and your child brought a lot of happiness to her life. If your sister doesn’t keep in touch with her God parents, that’s nothing to do with you. Please don’t give your money away. Clear your debts and buy yourself something nice to remind you of your GM. Sorry for your loss.

My Godmothers are both alive and my only sibling died last year. One of my Godmothers has mentioned leaving me something when she dies. If my db was still alive and that happened I would probably have used some of it (not sure how much it would be) to get him something he needed eg a new bed but I wouldn't have given him half. I wouldn't have appreciated dm sticking her nose in!

GM inherited a lot when her H (dads friend) died that money meant that she was able to go back to work in her chosen career when her DC where at school. That took off and the DC all went to private secondary schools.

I remember as a child getting expensive Christmas and Birthday presents from GM - expensive clothes, high end chocolate and sweets, the more expensive lego sets and when older jewellry. If dad was ever working near to where GM lived when I was a child and it was school holidays he'd take me with him and I'd stay with GM for a couple of days or a week. Occasionally we'd all go as a family overnight or for a couple of days over a weekend, GM was always kind to sibling, would cook a meal for the whole family, and would insist her DC play with both of us but she never bought sibling a gift for Christmas or their birthday - Mum was always quite bitter about it I think, Siblings Godparents where more from her side and I don't ever remember even a letter from them - I used to write letters and get them back from my GM.

When I went to University I chose somewhere a train ride from GM, so instead of going home some weekends I'd go see GM. She never took over as mum, but did tell me I could always go to her for anything I needed.

When I got with ExH he cut me off from my family, whom just basically let him, whereas GM kept trying - they didn't attend our wedding as he wouldn't let them but GM tried to come (ExH wouldn't let her in but she tried and I am so grateful she did); when DC was born she came and stayed nearby and as ExH was a t work I saw her in the daytimes, I never told him GM was in our town, we just stayed out of his way! After that she'd sneakily send me texts and we had a phonecall code so that I could let her know I was alone and she could call me - she always made time to speak to me, no matter what she was doing she'd drop it all to speak to me, even if we had only spoken the day before. When I left ExH she came down to where I live, mopped my tears, provided childcare for DC so I could attend appointments with the GP and other services, sent me money to help me out, literally anything she could to help me.

My mums still annoyed about it saying she could of done all that, but I was so hurt she didn't try and help me when I was with ExH. One of GMs DC was in a very similar situation with their now Ex-spouse and they tell me GM was exactly the same with them, didn't try and push them to leave but did everything she could to be there for them and help them when the time came.

I stayed in touch with GM after leaving ExH, didn't see her as much as I'd like to but I always appreciated it. She always made a fuss of my DC and the whole family came down for DCs christaning (which was after I left ExH). All DCs Godparents where chosen by me and DC (DC was 7 when christaned) as ExH isn't allowed anything to do with us.

So yeah my mum might be jealous of my relationship with GM.

Please, please do this. Think how happy that would have made you GM. My Nan left me some money, not ouch, but enough for a couple of holidays. She loved holidays and said that’s how she wished it used.

Sounds like you have your biological family, and your chosen family - and rightly so. You don't owe your biological family anything.

She sounds like she was a wonderful, caring woman so please honour her wishes and don't share that money with your family. Whatever you do with it, enjoy it in the manner that she wanted you to.

Your GM sounds wonderful. Do not share a penny with your sibling.

It's YOUR money to do with what YOU want to do with it. Don't be pressured into sharing with your siblings. Legally you couldn't give your Childs money away as it's been left to them & not you so tell your family to back off & give them nothing.

I hope this doesn't sound elitist bc a relatively small inheritence can potentially feel life changing if someone is in a rough financial situation, but op"s mom is acting like this is a huge amount of money, rather than enough for a trip to divide up. It's not her business and the cousin's have two parents to benefit from.

Given your latest post, I would encourage you to enjoy the inheritance and not share a penny with your family. Your GM clearly treated you like her own child and her wishes regarding inheritance should be respected.

As others have said don't share it. Spend it or use it on debts

She sounds an amazing woman. I'm so glad you had her as a positive and supportive role in your life. I'm sorry you've lost her x

It was left to you and your child your sibling is entitled to none of it my siblings wouldn't even expect a penny either nor would I if the situation was reversed

Yes, my thoughts too. Who on earth goes looking at people’s wills?!!

OP, if you want to give a shut-down reason rather than to just tell your DM to keep her nose out, you could say that GM wanted to support you as you’re a single parent. End of.

And ultimately this is your parents’ fault! Our two DSs have the same godparents. We chose them as they are churchgoers as I am and none of our other friends are, but we agreed at the time that it made sense to have the same ones so that DC would be treated the same. We are godparents to their two DDs as well.