Need a OTT message for a goodbye card to nasty colleague.

[WorkRelatedName]

Posting here for traffic.

For the last 4 years, I have worked with an older male colleague who made my working life hell. Long story short, he would gaslight me, take credit for my work and ideas and put me down at any given opportunity which made him look good to others. He is idolised in our department by some, including our line manager, who at the time, would play down my concerns, even with written evidence and screenshots.

Anyway, he has just announced he is retiring and a card is being sent round the team to sign.

I know if I don't sign it, it will look like he has got to me (which he has), but I don't want to give him the satisfaction of that, so I thought of writing something over the top, that to anyone else reading it when signing it, won't see I'm being sarcastic and already counting down the hours until he goes!

Yes this is probably petty, but I know mumsnet is great for things like this to help me with.

Off you fuck then.

Just don't don't sign it. If you write a sarcastic message you will just look spiteful. IMHO.

'So sorry to hear the news, hope you will be comfortable at least', M Pinched.

Don’t let the door hit you on the arse on the way out ( unsigned).

Get well soon.

I'm sure it's been said!

Hoo Roo

So long, farewell…..

So long and thanks for all the fish!

Live long and prosper.

Goodbye Derek, from WorkRelatedName

Agree, why on earth would you give him the satisfaction of knowing he upset you?

You'll just end up looking bitter in front of the entire office. People are much more likely to notice a spiteful message than none at all.

"I hope you have the retirement you deserve.."

"Ahhh, Bob - you're finally retiring, I'm so happy for you!" but use a fountain pen, and be sure to 'accidentally' smudge the "for you" at the end so it's only legible if you try really, really hard!

If he's as big of a twat as he sounds, he'll probably look for your name in the card to see what you've signed, in case it's something like this. It will just delight him, amuse him and give him something to show other people and laugh about.

Just sign your name. How boring and disappointing for him! Make him realise he's actually an insignificant, sad little man who doesn't live rent free in your head.

Much as I appreciate your intents, I actually think any kind of sarky comment will signal that he got to you, and that not signing is the more dignified option, not the other way round.

Happy birthday!

Is he married if so then you could write good luck on retirement my condolences to your wife 🤣

Or your a knob it's not been a pleasure 🤣

Or I hate to see you go but I love to see you leave 🤣

Or the garbage took its self out happy retirement 🤣

To much? I got nothing else

Oh hang on what about work will never be the same for me again #illnowlookforwardtoit 🤣

Hope you enjoy your retirement, I certainly will!

I think your plan of not signing it at all is perfect. Since writing some sarcastic/witty or passive-aggressive would just show him he "got to you" (though the responses here have been brilliant and some of the best I've read), not signing it send its own message. "I don't care about you enough to bother with anything" is truly perfect.

I hope you get all you deserve.

This every time, he is history, let it go.

"Wishing you a short retirement"

I wouldn’t sign it. He can’t do you anymore damage and it’s your last ‘word’ technically ignoring him.

Some of these are really good, but I still think not signing it is actually even better.

Or OP gets an old-school-style stamp of their name - ie that’s all the effort I am willing to spare!

I'd like to say it's been lovely working with you. obviously it hasn't and he will mentally insert the rest bit to one else will know or prove

Don't sign the card, I have been in a similar situation myself and I just said you could bring me anyone else's card and I would sign it and contribute but not this one.
Sometimes your silence is the only closure you need.

What a shame, never again will I be able to say to you that I’ll see you next Tuesday …