Need a OTT message for a goodbye card to nasty colleague.

[WorkRelatedName]

Posting here for traffic.

For the last 4 years, I have worked with an older male colleague who made my working life hell. Long story short, he would gaslight me, take credit for my work and ideas and put me down at any given opportunity which made him look good to others. He is idolised in our department by some, including our line manager, who at the time, would play down my concerns, even with written evidence and screenshots.

Anyway, he has just announced he is retiring and a card is being sent round the team to sign.

I know if I don't sign it, it will look like he has got to me (which he has), but I don't want to give him the satisfaction of that, so I thought of writing something over the top, that to anyone else reading it when signing it, won't see I'm being sarcastic and already counting down the hours until he goes!

Yes this is probably petty, but I know mumsnet is great for things like this to help me with.

Wishing you an interesting retirement

Priceless ! 😂

Have a wonderful birthday [insert wrong name]

Not many people will get that one.

Not many people think rude thoughts like I do ....😆

I think it’s pretty well known.

Just don't sign it.

I had a colleague who retired, she made my life hell, I was asked to arrange a collection and buy a gift, I refused and HR got involved

Stood my ground and stated the number of complaints I'd made but got nowhere. Everyone knew what an absolute cow she was.

Didn't sign the card, now blank her if I see her and have moved onwards and upwards.

Sorry for the rant

“I hope life is as good to you as you were to me!”

Genius! Ah, thank god the days of coin collection envelopes are over.

I hinestly don’t know how we’ll cope without you

(very easily)

I had a colleague who signed every card
Best, WorkRelatedName

Even better if you can misspell his name.

You could say

Get your skates on enter name the time has come for you to enjoy the retirement you deserve. I'm so excited for you, toodle pip!

Personally I wouldn't sign it at all when asked to sign I'simplecy say "no thank you" and move along.

@Followthetrend

"LouH1981
See you next Tuesday 👋

Not many people will get that one"

Oh, what subtlety have I missed? I thought it just meant cunt?

'Kind regards'

I'd leave out the 'kind'. Just 'regards' would do.

I wouldn't sign it. No one would notice anyway. He won't care.

If you have to sign it because someone is watching you, put something benign because someone might hire him back as a consultant or something.

Ah see 'kind' is an extra layer of passive aggression.

I always love this kind of thing:
" I hope your retirement is as pleasant as you are"
He'll know it's an insult 😂

This makes me laugh.

Another version is write "Happy Birthday", then cross it out and write "Farewell Bob. Have all the retirement you deserve. Bye, bye OP"

This is my favourite

I would do 'How will we cope without you' with just your first initial to sign...anyone with half a brain will see the passive aggression there..but on the surface it seems nice enough...sorry you had to deal with that A hole...I'll wager you arent the only one to feel this way though...bet it'll all come out after they've gone!

Actually now I've read it back it seems blatantly sarcastic...but who bloody cares ha!

I worked with someone awful once and I took a half day on their last day, didn't sign their card or contribute a penny.

I wouldn’t sign it. They aren’t worthy of your efforts.

Yes. Don’t sign