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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I report my cousin's benefit fraud?

613 replies

GreatAmberSnake · 20/02/2025 09:35

Hi everyone - I'm having a bit of a moral dilemma and looking to get everyone's opinions.

My M34 cousin doesn't work, he claims PIP. I'm not that familiar with how it works but he says he's on the highest level available, and there's even talk of him getting given a car. He openly boasts at every opportunity about the extreme exaggerations and outright lies he put on his PIP application, and calls me and other members of the family idiots for working when we could just get our money from PIP like he does.

If they investigated him they would easily find that some of his lies don't add up. I believe he genuinely does have depression and anxiety, but he has no physical issues. He said he put things like his partner needs to dress him in the morning (he split from his partner a couple of years ago), needs to wear velcro shoes as he can't tie laces etc. A home visit would show up some of his lies, and a call to the school (he's a weekend Dad but sometimes picks up/drops off his sons) or the Police (he's been arrested for drug offences a couple of times) would be further proof.

The main thing stopping me from reporting him is his depression. He has attempted suicide on at least one occasion, and I fear that a potential prison sentence for fraud could send him into a spiral. Even if no-one found out it was me, I really don't want that on my conscience.

If he didn't boast all the time I would just ignore it, it's not like it affects me directly, but it just winds me up every time he goes on about. Grrrr!! I do try to minimise contact with him but sometimes it's easier said than done. If he gets this car I think he'll become even more unbearable 😡

Help! What would you do?

OP posts:
Hdjdb42 · 20/02/2025 10:24

Yes report. It's taxpayers money. I reported my siblings for pretending to be disabled and a landlord.

BreatheAndFocus · 20/02/2025 10:24

I’d report him, especially for the easily provable lies like his partner dressing him. You can report anonymously. I doubt he’d know it was you and, if he really is lying, then I doubt it would affect him too much. I reported someone who was trying it on (not updated their circumstances) and that person never mentioned it to anyone, just quietly complied. They knew they’d been caught fair and square. They didn’t go to prison, but they had to pay back money.

whatonearthisgoingonnow · 20/02/2025 10:28

You are legally obligated to report or you're incriminated as well.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 20/02/2025 10:29

Yabu

He's probably boasting to make himself feel better

I'd tell him to stop it or I'd be reporting him, but wouldn't actually do it, sorry

There are worse crimes

arcticpandas · 20/02/2025 10:31

It's quite easy if you have got a doctor who writes down verbatim what you are saying. Some doctors feel sorry for you and are proactive in exaggerating the disability. A friend is getting benefits because she's depressed due to her ex leaving her. Her doctor comes from the same country as her and they worked it out together that she would get about the same in benefits as when she works..

RaveToTheGrave1 · 20/02/2025 10:32

CuddlyDodoToy · 20/02/2025 10:14

You are being very unfair to the OP.

This man's life, how he chooses to live it, improve it or end it, lie entirely with him. No one else is responsible for his decisions.

True, but I know I'd feel guilty as sin.

Scrubberdubber · 20/02/2025 10:34

So you report him. He's asked if hes actually depressed/has physical issues he confirms that he does have those problems. Nothing happens. What do you think will happen?

Your word against his and you have no evidence.

x2boys · 20/02/2025 10:34

GreatAmberSnake · 20/02/2025 09:35

Hi everyone - I'm having a bit of a moral dilemma and looking to get everyone's opinions.

My M34 cousin doesn't work, he claims PIP. I'm not that familiar with how it works but he says he's on the highest level available, and there's even talk of him getting given a car. He openly boasts at every opportunity about the extreme exaggerations and outright lies he put on his PIP application, and calls me and other members of the family idiots for working when we could just get our money from PIP like he does.

If they investigated him they would easily find that some of his lies don't add up. I believe he genuinely does have depression and anxiety, but he has no physical issues. He said he put things like his partner needs to dress him in the morning (he split from his partner a couple of years ago), needs to wear velcro shoes as he can't tie laces etc. A home visit would show up some of his lies, and a call to the school (he's a weekend Dad but sometimes picks up/drops off his sons) or the Police (he's been arrested for drug offences a couple of times) would be further proof.

The main thing stopping me from reporting him is his depression. He has attempted suicide on at least one occasion, and I fear that a potential prison sentence for fraud could send him into a spiral. Even if no-one found out it was me, I really don't want that on my conscience.

If he didn't boast all the time I would just ignore it, it's not like it affects me directly, but it just winds me up every time he goes on about. Grrrr!! I do try to minimise contact with him but sometimes it's easier said than done. If he gets this car I think he'll become even more unbearable 😡

Help! What would you do?

If he gets the highest rates of PIP than he will have had to supply medical evidence they dint just give it out when you ask for it.

LadyKenya · 20/02/2025 10:35

whatonearthisgoingonnow · 20/02/2025 10:28

You are legally obligated to report or you're incriminated as well.

Rubbish. That is not true, or according to the amount of people on these threads saying that they know someone doing the same, blah, blah, there would be a lot of people being charged🙄.

Themagicfarawaytreeismyfav · 20/02/2025 10:36

Op you will undoubtedly get the posters on here telling you that PIP is really hard to claim and he couldn't possibly be committing benefit fraud ( it really isnt... my dc has it and has never provided any evidence or been checked). But the fact is that people like this are taking valuable resources from others who actually deserve it! Maybe having a job would even help his mental health.

chaosmaker · 20/02/2025 10:37

Partner is on 2nd appeal at the moment and genuinely is struggling. All the professionals he is currently with say he should definitely be eligible.

@GreatAmberSnake your cousin is part of the problem and costing us all, giving the government ammunition to question the benefits system and trying to trim it down.

I hate disabled people not getting what they deserve due to the awfulness of the system and chancers.

TheOriginalEmu · 20/02/2025 10:38

GreatAmberSnake · 20/02/2025 09:35

Hi everyone - I'm having a bit of a moral dilemma and looking to get everyone's opinions.

My M34 cousin doesn't work, he claims PIP. I'm not that familiar with how it works but he says he's on the highest level available, and there's even talk of him getting given a car. He openly boasts at every opportunity about the extreme exaggerations and outright lies he put on his PIP application, and calls me and other members of the family idiots for working when we could just get our money from PIP like he does.

If they investigated him they would easily find that some of his lies don't add up. I believe he genuinely does have depression and anxiety, but he has no physical issues. He said he put things like his partner needs to dress him in the morning (he split from his partner a couple of years ago), needs to wear velcro shoes as he can't tie laces etc. A home visit would show up some of his lies, and a call to the school (he's a weekend Dad but sometimes picks up/drops off his sons) or the Police (he's been arrested for drug offences a couple of times) would be further proof.

The main thing stopping me from reporting him is his depression. He has attempted suicide on at least one occasion, and I fear that a potential prison sentence for fraud could send him into a spiral. Even if no-one found out it was me, I really don't want that on my conscience.

If he didn't boast all the time I would just ignore it, it's not like it affects me directly, but it just winds me up every time he goes on about. Grrrr!! I do try to minimise contact with him but sometimes it's easier said than done. If he gets this car I think he'll become even more unbearable 😡

Help! What would you do?

Highest level PIP is £700 a month, they don’t just ‘give’ you a car, you have to lease it out of your PIP which reduces your income to around £430 a month. It’s hardly the live of Riley.

x2boys · 20/02/2025 10:39

arcticpandas · 20/02/2025 10:31

It's quite easy if you have got a doctor who writes down verbatim what you are saying. Some doctors feel sorry for you and are proactive in exaggerating the disability. A friend is getting benefits because she's depressed due to her ex leaving her. Her doctor comes from the same country as her and they worked it out together that she would get about the same in benefits as when she works..

Depression can disabling .

x2boys · 20/02/2025 10:42

Themagicfarawaytreeismyfav · 20/02/2025 10:36

Op you will undoubtedly get the posters on here telling you that PIP is really hard to claim and he couldn't possibly be committing benefit fraud ( it really isnt... my dc has it and has never provided any evidence or been checked). But the fact is that people like this are taking valuable resources from others who actually deserve it! Maybe having a job would even help his mental health.

I find thst hard to beleive my son gets the highest rates of DLA and I had ti go to tribunal to them ( he was on a lower award) this is despite him being severely autistic non verbal, in a special school etc etc.

dottydodah · 20/02/2025 10:45

Firstly I would not wish to report a family member ,It seems cruel to me.Secondly PIP is difficult to obtain .If you have a good job why do you feel you need to report someone who is obv less able to cope than you?

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 20/02/2025 10:46

This is partly why the country is in the state its in. To be quite blunt, he's probably depressed because he doesn't work ... no purpose in life.
I've a friend who has successfully claimed PIP for her drug addict son, who does work on and off.
Yes, I would as I'm sick.of paying for lazy buggers!

dsmsrc · 20/02/2025 10:47

GreatAmberSnake · 20/02/2025 09:35

Hi everyone - I'm having a bit of a moral dilemma and looking to get everyone's opinions.

My M34 cousin doesn't work, he claims PIP. I'm not that familiar with how it works but he says he's on the highest level available, and there's even talk of him getting given a car. He openly boasts at every opportunity about the extreme exaggerations and outright lies he put on his PIP application, and calls me and other members of the family idiots for working when we could just get our money from PIP like he does.

If they investigated him they would easily find that some of his lies don't add up. I believe he genuinely does have depression and anxiety, but he has no physical issues. He said he put things like his partner needs to dress him in the morning (he split from his partner a couple of years ago), needs to wear velcro shoes as he can't tie laces etc. A home visit would show up some of his lies, and a call to the school (he's a weekend Dad but sometimes picks up/drops off his sons) or the Police (he's been arrested for drug offences a couple of times) would be further proof.

The main thing stopping me from reporting him is his depression. He has attempted suicide on at least one occasion, and I fear that a potential prison sentence for fraud could send him into a spiral. Even if no-one found out it was me, I really don't want that on my conscience.

If he didn't boast all the time I would just ignore it, it's not like it affects me directly, but it just winds me up every time he goes on about. Grrrr!! I do try to minimise contact with him but sometimes it's easier said than done. If he gets this car I think he'll become even more unbearable 😡

Help! What would you do?

Hiya I think he gets it for a mental health condition. Have you thought he may put on a front to other ppl and boasts without telling them the real reason he claims.
On the hand if this is true and you see this person every day and see how he lives.
Report if his lieing about his condition but please before you report get all proof of him lieing

LadyKenya · 20/02/2025 10:47

I hate disabled people not getting what they deserve due to the awfulness of the system and chancers.

This!

handsdownthebest · 20/02/2025 10:51

Katemax82 · 20/02/2025 09:43

Pip is about £737 a month. He won't be given a car he will have to pay £300 of the pip (the motability element) towards it. Yes he sounds awful but I bet he's not exactly rolling in it

So that’s ok then 🤔

GreatAmberSnake · 20/02/2025 10:53

Thank you everyone, I didn't expect this many replies.

Interesting to see the mix of people saying it's virtually impossible to make a false/exaggerated claim, and others saying it's very easy.

To those calling me out saying the story isn't true or things don't add up - it is completely true, but I'm not particularly close to my cousin (to be honest I can't stand him, which is probably obvious from my post) so I only know what he's chosen to share. Which is just the bits he feels are worth boasting about. I have no idea what proof he had to give.

I have no doubt that he has depression and other mental health issues so I'm sure he qualifies for some PIP, but I'm confident he shouldn't be getting the level he gets now.

I've got a pretty mixed range of responses, but I'm leaning towards keeping my nose out. I'll just need to practice my "smile politely, pretend I'm not seething inside" face for next time I see him 😂

OP posts:
NoSoupForU · 20/02/2025 10:53

If he's attempted suicide at least once then his mental health isn't exactly all tickety boo. It isnt something I'd be involving myself in. And if I disliked someone as you appear to here I'd keep my distance.

LadyKenya · 20/02/2025 10:59

I have no doubt that he has depression and other mental health issues so I'm sure he qualifies for some PIP, but I'm confident he shouldn't be getting the level he gets now.

He would have been assessed by people who would have more insight into his condition than you obviously have. He would have to have medical evidence to support what he would have put on his claim form. They do not just take a person's word for it, regardless of what the general public's perception of the process is. I have yet to meet a person in real life who has said that the process is easy, and that they were given money, just on their say so, without any proof.

Cattreesea · 20/02/2025 11:01

@whatonearthisgoingonnow · Today 10:28
You are legally obligated to report or you're incriminated as well.

That's incorrect. Don't post nonsense like this.

Back to you OP: I have already commented but I am not sure why you would choose to go after someone you are related to who has tried to take his own life and has long term mental health issues. Strange values...

EasternStandard · 20/02/2025 11:01

I'd just leave him tbh especially since you mention he's attempted to take his life

ButIToldYouSoooo · 20/02/2025 11:02

It's people like the OP's cousin that cause so many people to look at PIP recipients sceptically when symptoms 'can' be faked or aren't physical.

If you can document it point by point, including the bragging about the lying, yes, you should report him.