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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I report my cousin's benefit fraud?

613 replies

GreatAmberSnake · 20/02/2025 09:35

Hi everyone - I'm having a bit of a moral dilemma and looking to get everyone's opinions.

My M34 cousin doesn't work, he claims PIP. I'm not that familiar with how it works but he says he's on the highest level available, and there's even talk of him getting given a car. He openly boasts at every opportunity about the extreme exaggerations and outright lies he put on his PIP application, and calls me and other members of the family idiots for working when we could just get our money from PIP like he does.

If they investigated him they would easily find that some of his lies don't add up. I believe he genuinely does have depression and anxiety, but he has no physical issues. He said he put things like his partner needs to dress him in the morning (he split from his partner a couple of years ago), needs to wear velcro shoes as he can't tie laces etc. A home visit would show up some of his lies, and a call to the school (he's a weekend Dad but sometimes picks up/drops off his sons) or the Police (he's been arrested for drug offences a couple of times) would be further proof.

The main thing stopping me from reporting him is his depression. He has attempted suicide on at least one occasion, and I fear that a potential prison sentence for fraud could send him into a spiral. Even if no-one found out it was me, I really don't want that on my conscience.

If he didn't boast all the time I would just ignore it, it's not like it affects me directly, but it just winds me up every time he goes on about. Grrrr!! I do try to minimise contact with him but sometimes it's easier said than done. If he gets this car I think he'll become even more unbearable 😡

Help! What would you do?

OP posts:
0ohLarLar · 20/02/2025 12:37

Oh and lot of the "medical evidence" for mental health claims in particular is based on self reported symptoms. If you tell your gp you have all the symptoms of depression or anxiety, they are probably going to affirm that. So its perfectly possible to exaggerate.

Coconutter24 · 20/02/2025 12:38

Katemax82 · 20/02/2025 12:21

My advice? I'm just pointing out the bit about "getting a car" isn't simply being given a car. I'm a bit defensive of motability cars because some idiot on the daily mail was slagging off parents who have kids with add who get "free brand new cars" and should get an old banger instead

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I was just wondering if your advice was to ignore him let him carry on claiming without reporting him because if you read your original comment it sounds like you think it’s ok for him to do what he’s doing just because he isn’t rolling in it

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 20/02/2025 12:38

Themagicfarawaytreeismyfav · 20/02/2025 10:36

Op you will undoubtedly get the posters on here telling you that PIP is really hard to claim and he couldn't possibly be committing benefit fraud ( it really isnt... my dc has it and has never provided any evidence or been checked). But the fact is that people like this are taking valuable resources from others who actually deserve it! Maybe having a job would even help his mental health.

PIP and getting a job are not connected. PIP is to cover some of the cost of the disability (eg wheelchair, adapted vehicle, etc) and has nothing to do with whether I jot you are working. It’s incapacity benefit (or whatever they call it now) that is if you are unable to work due to disability or long term illness.

OwlInTheOak · 20/02/2025 12:39

No way would I report. It may be found out anyway, but you don't want it on your conscience that the trigger was caused by you.
Realistically it doesn't matter, its a drop in the ocean of overall government spending. And given the suicide attempt it sounds like he likely would qualify if we had a better set up welfare system, or if we had a better society and health care system he wouldn't be in the state he is in.

Purplebunnie · 20/02/2025 12:40

DoodleSquad · 20/02/2025 12:35

@Purplebunnie

I work in the counter compliance and fraud department at DWP. You may have a moral obligation to report but you will not lose your job if you don't. This is a ridiculous thing to claim will happen.

You weren't there at my job interview

Wendolino · 20/02/2025 12:41

Coffeeishot · 20/02/2025 12:20

Not 1 bit.

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Why would op lie about it being a cousin?

RampantIvy · 20/02/2025 12:43

Serpentstooth · 20/02/2025 10:03

Your cousin must be thrilled to have a medically qualified family member like you, able to out-diagnose medical professionals. Perhaps you could mind your own buiness rather than his? Leave him alone, he is unwell and you simply sound jealous.

Oh come on.
Who would be jealous of someone with such poor mental health that they need to claim PIP?

That is a ridiculous claim.

whynotwhatknot · 20/02/2025 12:43

ddont expet him to be found out or stopped-i reporte someone who use to brag about all the benefits they were on and bragging about how they put it on about mh an nothing happene no proof

scanni · 20/02/2025 12:44

Well he needs to provide evidence, you don't just tell them you can't do things and get PIP. Since he is so open about it all, why don't you ask him how he evidenced his claim?

Katemax82 · 20/02/2025 12:46

Coconutter24 · 20/02/2025 12:38

I was just wondering if your advice was to ignore him let him carry on claiming without reporting him because if you read your original comment it sounds like you think it’s ok for him to do what he’s doing just because he isn’t rolling in it

Show quote history

With regards to reporting him i couldn't say, it's completely ops call, however I do agree it's unfair some people have to jump through hoops to get awarded pip

ParsnipPuree · 20/02/2025 12:47

PandoraSox · 20/02/2025 12:13

My DH get PIP. We spend it on booze n fans n a big telly. My DH fooled the silly DWP into thinking he has an incurable MND. So easy to fake. Suckers!

The whole point is most people want to make people like your dh's life more bearable and not give it to those who defraud the system.

Toastandbutterand · 20/02/2025 12:47

Jaehee · 20/02/2025 09:54

Are you sure he’s not just saying these things because he’s embarrassed about his issues?

Had he always boasted about things and exaggerated?

I wouldn’t report him because it sounds like he’s making it up, and from how you’ve described him he doesn’t sound altogether well.

This x 100!

I always down play my disabilities to others.

ParsnipPuree · 20/02/2025 12:48

0ohLarLar · 20/02/2025 12:37

Oh and lot of the "medical evidence" for mental health claims in particular is based on self reported symptoms. If you tell your gp you have all the symptoms of depression or anxiety, they are probably going to affirm that. So its perfectly possible to exaggerate.

This.

Inmydreams88 · 20/02/2025 12:50

He clearly has mental health issues and depression, you say he’s tried to commit suicide.

If you think he’s claiming fraudulently then report him I guess. But likely you don’t know the full story,

mydogisthebest · 20/02/2025 12:51

LadyKenya · 20/02/2025 12:35

So stop reporting then, and do something else with your time, something beneficial. If there was any wrongdoing going on, it would have been dealt with. So the fact that nothing has changed, should tell you all you need to know.

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There is definitely 100% wrongdoing and NOTHING has been done about it.

Did you read my post? He claims he cannot leave the house to work as his anxiety is so bad and yet in fact leaves the house just about every day AND works cash in hand.

Maybe that is ok to you but it is not to me

RaininSummer · 20/02/2025 12:52

If this is true then he is probably also claiming universal credit so is kind of 'rolling in it' as this would give him a fair bit more a month depending on his housing costs and health status. You should report your concerns.

mydogisthebest · 20/02/2025 12:54

0ohLarLar · 20/02/2025 12:37

Oh and lot of the "medical evidence" for mental health claims in particular is based on self reported symptoms. If you tell your gp you have all the symptoms of depression or anxiety, they are probably going to affirm that. So its perfectly possible to exaggerate.

Exactly. Depression, anxiety etc are just about impossible to diagnose and if you are a good enough liar you can almost certainly convince a GP that you are suffering from them.

scanni · 20/02/2025 12:55

Exactly. Depression, anxiety etc are just about impossible to diagnose and if you are a good enough liar you can almost certainly convince a GP that you are suffering from them.

While it's easy to have these diagnosed by a GP all they really do is throw SSRI's at it. In order to evidence you cannot perform the basic functions in the criteria for PIP you usually need much more than a simple visit to the GP.

mydogisthebest · 20/02/2025 12:56

DoodleSquad · 20/02/2025 12:35

@Purplebunnie

I work in the counter compliance and fraud department at DWP. You may have a moral obligation to report but you will not lose your job if you don't. This is a ridiculous thing to claim will happen.

So when do you investigate if someone reports? As I said, I have reported my neighbour numerous times and nothing is done about it.

Pretty easy to see he is lying when he says he cannot leave the house to work due to anxiety but in fact leaves his house almost every day and works cash in hand

LadyKenya · 20/02/2025 12:56

mydogisthebest · 20/02/2025 12:51

There is definitely 100% wrongdoing and NOTHING has been done about it.

Did you read my post? He claims he cannot leave the house to work as his anxiety is so bad and yet in fact leaves the house just about every day AND works cash in hand.

Maybe that is ok to you but it is not to me

Show quote history

If you knew anything about the criteria, then you would know, that he does not have to be a prisoner in his home, he can go outside. The fact he has a dog, and a partner he goes out with, could be part of the reason he is able to do so. Get on with your own life, and leave your neighbour alone. I am glad that nothing has been done, because there is likely NOTHING to be done!

MyDeftDuck · 20/02/2025 12:58

I would have to report this - it is morally wrong on all counts. The fact that he laughs at relatives because they work for a living is very unfair IMO.

Kidsfortea · 20/02/2025 12:59

Agix · 20/02/2025 09:57

Fed up of people saying PIP is difficult to claim. It's NOT.

It is only difficult to claim if you're not prepared to lie.You will be scrutinised and the assessors will try to catch you out when you're being honest, and often succeed in twisting your words and putting you off claiming because you're unwell and can't be dealing with this bullshit.

People who are prepared to lie and continue lying and fighting decisions that go against them will quite easily get PIP. Because they're happy to keep lying and scoring the points.

You do need medical evidence, but most medical evidence for mental health conditions is all about what you have reported to your doctor. Your doctor can only write down what you say your symptoms are. Your doctor doesn't live with you and has to believe you when you say you're so depressed you need help to get dressed. So that's what will go on your official reports and "medical evidence".

If you're prepared to lie, and make a part time job of claiming PIP by tracking which lies you have told your medical professionals and the PIP assessors, it is NOT hard to get PIP. You just need to learn the points system, and lie to your doctors and specialists and on the PIP form. These people also have people to lie for them, friends or family, pretending to have to provide care.

If you have genuine struggles, which you are genuinely trying to recover from and work towards getting better from, the PIP assessors will zero in on the bits where you seem capable and independent. You'll feel like shite spending so much time and energy on trying to claim this benefit and going through assesaments. You'll feel embarrassed and ashamed of how badly your health effects you, you'll struggle to talk about it. And you won't get PIP and will stop trying.

Not so with people who lie and make a job of it. They have all the time and energy in the world to keep going until they get the benefit.

The assessment process is easy for liars, who actually have the health to battle through the system, and very difficult for people genuinely unwell and trying to live life who don't have it in them to fight it.

Edited

My partner is waiting for an ankle replacement, meanwhile he has been diagnosed with cancer. Neither of us are prepared to lie. Citizens advice filled the forms in for us and agree as he is a builder he cannot work. He's been turned down twice, the last time telling him he could still work on a building site using his arms!

PandoraSox · 20/02/2025 12:59

ParsnipPuree · 20/02/2025 12:47

The whole point is most people want to make people like your dh's life more bearable and not give it to those who defraud the system.

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Na. The people who take the trouble to make up post this sort of guff dislike disabled people receiving help generally and are resentful of them. The Motability scheme in particular gets their backs up. They'd prefer a return to invalid carriages or something like that.

Ponoka7 · 20/02/2025 13:02

It's difficult be because he has depression to the point he attempted suicide. You said he has other MH issues and anxiety. Some MH/PDs can send a person on a 'high', which means bragging etc. He knows he'd get a car on a cheap lease agreement (which is what the mobility scheme is), not a free one. So I'm wondering if he isn't saying what he does to feel better about his situation, as well as a bit of a wind up. He won't get the highest amount of PIP on say so. I know people who have very genuine, severe mobility issues, with medical evidence and who don't get it. That will be him exaggerating and might be his defence against his anxiety.

ilovesooty · 20/02/2025 13:02

x2boys · 20/02/2025 12:20

The same Op who diesnt know how PIP works and makes no bones about disliking her cousin 🤔

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Agreed. And like some others on the thread, thinks it's an out of work benefit.