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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dh drank a whole bottle of whiskey

424 replies

howyoufeeling · 20/02/2025 08:24

Seriously a whole bottle of Jameson.
Now dh is a good bloke, works his ass off in his own company, hands on dad, looks after us the best he can. He's got SADS, does every winter. He's upped his sertraline as recommended so waiting for that to take effect.
I took the little ones to bed last night and slept all night with them, he drank a whole bottle of whiskey. He didn't cause any trouble or anything you might expect from someone drinking that amount, wasn't sick or anything but couldn't get into bed as his head was spinning so slept downstairs. I've come down this morning and the whole bottle is gone.
Aibu or will this not fuck his liver ?! He's currently in bed dying, has work in a bit. Can't help but feel a little smug and so fucking grateful I don't feel how he does !!

OP posts:
howyoufeeling · 20/02/2025 11:06

immoreexcitedthanthekids · 20/02/2025 11:03

You are absolutely in denial.

Please do something about this for your children.

Oh here we go. Lol sorry I am going now just 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
howyoufeeling · 20/02/2025 11:07

One last thing - I will come back in a few months and eat my hat if it gets worse.
Thanks all.

OP posts:
WillIEverBeOk · 20/02/2025 11:08

howyoufeeling · 20/02/2025 10:44

He has a drink of a weekend, half a bottle with a mixer. I don't believe that is a serious drinking problem, maybe to some who don't drink at all or who only have a glass of wine once a month.
Most people who work hard all week do treat themselves to a weekend drink.

OP I'm a seasoned drinker who is in recovery, sometimes I'd drink two bottles of wine in one night. I know what I'm talking about. Even with a mixer (which really should mean he'd drink less of the bottle then and not half the bottle), that is a very, very large amount. Ask your GP. Half a bottle with or without mixer is the same alcohol content and amount. That is a seriously large amount of alcohol he is consuming. Saying its 2 days a week just means he is bingeing on those two days. You genuinely don't seem to want to listen to us. You are harming your husband by not taking this seriously and getting him help. Please listen to us. We're not saying these things for fun.

Never2many · 20/02/2025 11:09

OP, the matter of fact way in which you say that a bottle would generally last for two nights is worrying.

A bottle of whisky over two nights isn’t a small amount by any stretch.

A bottle of whisky is 28 units of alcohol, when people are advised to drink no more than 14. So he’s drinking twice the recommended amount every week.

Just because he doesn’t drink all day every day doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a drink problem. this is one of the most common misconceptions about alcoholism, people seem to think that an an alcoholic drinks all day every day when actually there are plenty of functioning alcoholics who live perfectly normal lives until the time for the drink arrives.

Zone2NorthLondon · 20/02/2025 11:10

@howyoufeeling you had enough concern to post about this,so consciously and unconsciously you’re worried
I think you’re feeling attacked and got at,and are naturally protecting your husband. That’s instinctive and natural to batt away criticism. When you’re ready step back,objectively have a think about this.
He works a lot,proper grafter,self employed
He does drink a lot and it’s a bit of an established pattern
He has a low mood. The alcohol will impact the setraline uptake. So he isn’t getting full therapeutic effect of the setraline

Alcohol abuse is the often the symptom,the manifestation of Deeper malaise - address that

Frequency · 20/02/2025 11:10

If it helps OP, I get through the next day with the help of lots of isotonic sports drinks or electrolyte sachets, paracetamol and carby foods.

I'm not sure if the carbs help but it's what I crave when I'm hungover so it's what I eat.

I don't think DH has an alcohol problem by what you have posted but I would encourage him to chat with his GP if you/he thinks his meds are not working as well as they could be.

For depression, I know it is touted a lot but from experience, it really does help - exercise and healthy eating. Don't replace meds with it but try to have more of a focus of fresh, whole foods and plenty of veggies.

WillIEverBeOk · 20/02/2025 11:11

howyoufeeling · 20/02/2025 10:50

My point is, if dh has a drinking problem for drinking on the evening at weekends after a full week works, then any person (woman on Mumsnet) has a problem too if they enjoy wine of a weekend.

Its the amount that's the issue. Your husband is drinking whiskey like its a bottle of wine. A whiskey bottle should last 2 weeks to a month.

Pootlemcsmootle · 20/02/2025 11:11

GiovJones16 · 20/02/2025 08:33

This is incredibly dangerous. It could literally have killed him.
And is a big red flag for a drink problem. How much does he normally drink?

This. This is so so concerning. I guess it's self medication for the depression? He definitely needs help because it's very dangerous behaviour. My heart goes out to you both, it's a hard situation.

BunnyLake · 20/02/2025 11:11

howyoufeeling · 20/02/2025 10:40

He definitely isn't drinking in secret. As said he works all day everyday then comes straight home. Dh would not hide anything from me, he is a typical bloke with a male ego to match, if he wanted a drink he would drink and that's that.
He can hold his whiskey, he has some every weekend, but normally a bottle would last Friday and Saturday.
I don't think drinking every weekend makes you an alcoholic and if it does then the goverment should be banning this substance shouldn't they !
I posted about this because clearly it's alot, so not sure how I'm minimising but okay.

So he has a bottle of whiskey every weekend. I don’t know OP that doesn’t sound like healthy drinking to me. I hope you’re right and he doesn’t have a problem (and is not on the first steps of having one). My ex was an alcoholic and I wouldn't wish that on you.

Zone2NorthLondon · 20/02/2025 11:14

Just have to say alcoholic isn’t a useful term. Alcohol use disorder is more accurate
Regards the low mood Has he considered talk therapy,can self refer.
See you have a young family, wishing all of you well

deflatedbirthday · 20/02/2025 11:14

OP this sounds like binge drinking - which is still a problem. You don't have to drink every day to have a problem with alcohol. It's the volume you drink when you do.

What does your DH do for a living? Is he invalidating any insurances (liability etc) by being over the limit? It's not just driving he should not do. Depending on his job he should not be operating certain equipment. He's also on medication which could be impaired by the levels of alcohol he is drinking - making it pointless to take it/ up the dose.

Never2many · 20/02/2025 11:14

I don't think DH has an alcohol problem by what you have posted but I would encourage him to chat with his GP if you/he thinks his meds are not working as well as they could be. 28 units a week is an alcohol problem.

The problem is that we have normalised alcohol consumption to such an extent here in the UK that people don’t see how quickly it is possible to descend into a drink problem.

You walk into the supermarket and the wine and beer is right at the front, full of offers.

Pubs have happy hour.

People go home and talk about how it’s “wine o’clock”.

There’s nothing wrong with having a glass of wine with a meal but people seem to have lost sight of the difference between that and downing half a bottle of whisky.

WillIEverBeOk · 20/02/2025 11:15

She is so deep in denial and really does not want to know, does she?

pilates · 20/02/2025 11:19

Does he need to see a health professional? From what you have described that is not normal or healthy. But you seem touchy with people telling you that- not sure your point in posting on here tbh. Perhaps the truth hurts 🤷🏻‍♀️

DoloresODonovan · 20/02/2025 11:20

howyoufeeling · 20/02/2025 10:46

How many of you have a few bottles of wine a week? Or do you wait until the weekend as it's more acceptable?

we will have wine on a Sunday if we are cooking a lunch for family or friends, this is often an early start, breakfasts, joint effort, (no pun intended) then noon we might have a Tio Pepe with ice, with family, friends arrive shortly after bring wine.

In our utility room we have a fridge freezer for drink and drugs, ice and fruit, so chilled wine always, its lovely to have a chilled wine or red if we are cooking beef, then neither of us drink with the meal, if guests want to, they will -

I don’t know about more acceptable - maybe? it’s more convivial?
my OH refers to it as a reward, we work six days, a glass of delicious wine or champagne is lovely - but then we lived for many years in France, wine, cheese, bread, salad, red meat, fresh fish, sunshine, wine, Pernod, Cognac, part of their life, they do not need to overindulge, it is always there.

The only alcoholics we encountered were English. One woman started her day with pineapple juice laced with vodka. Her skin was terrible. One would start drinking at 6pm carry on without eating until the early hours, calories from the wine, so many succumbed.

we will drink sparkling water with slices of lime lemon orange of an evening
we don’t drink for the sake of it
neither do we give two hoots what others perceive as ‘acceptable’
see my post ^^^

Bouledeneige · 20/02/2025 11:23

I think that amount and strength of alcohol in a binge and the amount he is regularly drinking at the weekend will not be doing anything for his mental health. In fact, he probably should baseline his mental health for a couple of dry months and see if that's the major contributory factor.

Zone2NorthLondon · 20/02/2025 11:24

DoloresODonovan · 20/02/2025 11:20

we will have wine on a Sunday if we are cooking a lunch for family or friends, this is often an early start, breakfasts, joint effort, (no pun intended) then noon we might have a Tio Pepe with ice, with family, friends arrive shortly after bring wine.

In our utility room we have a fridge freezer for drink and drugs, ice and fruit, so chilled wine always, its lovely to have a chilled wine or red if we are cooking beef, then neither of us drink with the meal, if guests want to, they will -

I don’t know about more acceptable - maybe? it’s more convivial?
my OH refers to it as a reward, we work six days, a glass of delicious wine or champagne is lovely - but then we lived for many years in France, wine, cheese, bread, salad, red meat, fresh fish, sunshine, wine, Pernod, Cognac, part of their life, they do not need to overindulge, it is always there.

The only alcoholics we encountered were English. One woman started her day with pineapple juice laced with vodka. Her skin was terrible. One would start drinking at 6pm carry on without eating until the early hours, calories from the wine, so many succumbed.

we will drink sparkling water with slices of lime lemon orange of an evening
we don’t drink for the sake of it
neither do we give two hoots what others perceive as ‘acceptable’
see my post ^^^

That’s a life description straight from the Home Counties I’m imagining you looking like penny mordant

Liv999 · 20/02/2025 11:24

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 20/02/2025 09:34

No he’s not. If this is a one off it’s more likely to be a product of his MH issues. Obviously he has been diagnosed with such, as he’s on Sertraline which can be used for anything from anxiety and depression, to bipolar disorder in higher doses. All the armchair diagnosticians should wind in their necks and stop telling OP she has an alcoholic on her hands. She knows her DH better than randoms on the internet. She didn’t ask whether he was an alcoholic, she asked whether this would fuck his liver. Which, if he’s otherwise healthy and not normally a heavy drinker, it won’t.

This, a one off bottle of whiskey doesn't make him anything near an alcoholic, nor is it going to affect his liver in the long term

Frequency · 20/02/2025 11:24

Never2many · 20/02/2025 11:14

I don't think DH has an alcohol problem by what you have posted but I would encourage him to chat with his GP if you/he thinks his meds are not working as well as they could be. 28 units a week is an alcohol problem.

The problem is that we have normalised alcohol consumption to such an extent here in the UK that people don’t see how quickly it is possible to descend into a drink problem.

You walk into the supermarket and the wine and beer is right at the front, full of offers.

Pubs have happy hour.

People go home and talk about how it’s “wine o’clock”.

There’s nothing wrong with having a glass of wine with a meal but people seem to have lost sight of the difference between that and downing half a bottle of whisky.

I agree alcohol has become normalised. And I understand that binge drinking is not healthy, I just don't agree that it is always an indication of a drink problem.

I've done it for decades, as have most of my family, none of us descended into full-blown alcoholism or died from alcohol-related illness.

The culture around alcohol on MN has always been outside of my experience. For example, I don't know anyone who has a glass of wine or two with their evening meal most nights. We have water or juice with meals unless we are eating out.

At the end of the day, OP knows her DH better than us and she does not think he has an issue with alcohol.

Lovelysummerdays · 20/02/2025 11:24

I mean it’s a lot up to around 30 units in the average bottle. I would suggest he doesn’t drive today, lots of rest . Easy to digest food, scrambled eggs, plenty of water.

Lots of people have the odd binge, I went to a wake and everyone brought a bottle of whiskey, they went home when it was empty. Unless it’s a regular occurrence I’d let it go. I think the big that tells you drinking is s bad idea doesn’t work when you’ve slipped past a certain point.

Livinghappy · 20/02/2025 11:25

When your husband is feeling better mentally make an appointment with a Dr for a check up. It might be best to do it privately as tends to be more personalised.

It should include a blood tests and a fibrescan. Liver damage is often not picked up on blood tests so a fibrescan is specialist liver scan. Non evasive and very simple.

Heavy drinking (which is what your husband is doing) causes long-term health issues, not just liver damaged but many types of cancers. I don't say this to frighten you but to make you aware. There is such high consumption of alcohol in our society that it is normalised but that doesn't mean people, women and men will have longer term health issues as a result.

You obviously love and respect your husband so I know you want to ensure he is around for as long as possible, hence getting awareness of his health.

howyoufeeling · 20/02/2025 11:26

Okay, so I will readily agree it's binge drinking. I do know that I'm not stuoid nor do I have my head in the sand. I'm just so used to have really destructive alcoholics in my life dh is a bloody angel compared !

OP posts:
DoloresODonovan · 20/02/2025 11:30

Mightymoog · 20/02/2025 10:45

well what an even weirder reply from yourself:
the poster I was replying to said her mother bought 3 BOXES of wine and a bottle of gin a day.
If you think that's normal then obviously that's fine.
If you could afford that easily then obviously up to you what you spend your money on but the vast vast majority of people would not be able to sustain that level of expenditure.
I'm guessing we're looking at at least £70 per day and I don't think it's at all weird to question the affordabilty of that; in fact the poster I was replying to said her mother ended up financially ruined by it

@Mightymoog you have misunderstood my post entirely, read it again!

I wasn’t even mentioning the 3xboxes of wine poster, as my subsequent post indicates, this is almost suicidal.

You have attributted comments to me which I have not made, the consequence
of reading too quickly perhaps

Zone2NorthLondon · 20/02/2025 11:32

howyoufeeling · 20/02/2025 11:26

Okay, so I will readily agree it's binge drinking. I do know that I'm not stuoid nor do I have my head in the sand. I'm just so used to have really destructive alcoholics in my life dh is a bloody angel compared !

He’s a grafter,self employed and bringing home the money. Holding doing a job being the gaffer
Not all problem alcohol use is characterised by chaos,unemployment etc
Just because he’s not incoherent and soiled doesn’t mean there isn’t an issue

This is fixable, lots of support available. Go see Gp

see you have a young family too - wishing you all well

DoloresODonovan · 20/02/2025 11:35

Zone2NorthLondon · 20/02/2025 11:24

That’s a life description straight from the Home Counties I’m imagining you looking like penny mordant

I AM Penny Mordant, where should I send your won fiver ?