To leave a four year old downstairs alone for about an hour?

[downthesteps]

We have recently changed bedtime routine. DS is 4 and has eczema and it’s been recommended we limit baths. I also have a toddler and for both of them since birth pretty much the routine has been bath, teeth, books and bed. Because DS isn’t now joining in the bath routine he’s watching TV downstairs on his own. I feel awful and I asked him last night if he’d like to watch my iPad upstairs instead but he said no … Should I put my foot down?

I see a lot of contentious comments but not read everything. But chiming in to give my personal perspective.

Why are you bathing toddler everyday tho? You’ve been told by medical professional that it’s bad for your skin and skin conditions are often genetic. No one NEEDS a bath every day. I’d be cutting bath time to twice a week for both kids to preemptively help youngest in case she gets it too.

I wouldn’t be allowing a 4 year old to watch an hour of tv unsupervised before bed. Tv at that age should more be a discussion of ‘look what’s happening’. It’s great that he wants some independence but not watching. I’m not sure I’d be happy with my 9 year old watching telly for an hour without several checks that she hadn’t wandered into something inappropriate (even with good child controls on).

Same
He's a bit older now but I've been able to trust him for a good few years and certainly at 4
He was allowed a bit of screen time but also entertained himself with colouring etc and knew he could come up to my desk whenever he wanted. He's not a bookshelf climber and would never go out on his own even if I did keep the door unlocked .
The way some people are going on you'd think it was a 1-2 year old . I'm a bit perplexed tbh

Totally depends on the kids.
Mine? Not a chance! They would have run away or caused a flood/fire/some other disaster within minutes!

My 5 year old (AuDHD) has to be upstairs where I can hear him if I’m up here for more than a few minutes.

Crazy the folks on here that think that a four year old can’t be unsupervised downstairs in his own home watching TV. As long as there are no hazards lying around and the door is locked it’s fine

As long as you're confident he is safe downstairs alone, I don't see any problem with this. The part that shocks me is that it takes a whole hour to bathe your toddler and put him to bed!

Totally unrelated but my son has eczema and we were referred to the hospital and under community nurses. The information sheet we were given is that he should have a bath every night but no less than 5 mins and no longer than 10 mins. The conflicting info different medical places give is crazy!

Well said. People stress about minor things. At 4 a lot of children are at school in reception. Being alone in the same house as someone is fine.

Try having 4yo (ADHD), 2yo and newborn. That was another level of crazy and quite a lot of unsupervised tv watching downstairs took place for a few weeks.
(and no, weren't irresponsible, we didn't know child 1 had adhd/asd etc) until a few weeks after child 3 was born.

Your child will be perfectly fine. Just lock front door and don't have anything boiling on. Plus you can always call down if you are worried.

Hi there,

I let my four year old do just that whilst I get our one year old to bed and he’s totally fine. He knows where I am if he needs anything and will shout out or come and get me and I can always give him a quick check in after I shower the little one if need be. If he’s happy I wouldn’t feel bad and then enjoy the stories with him once your little one is all settled!

Honestly, I sometimes wonder if people just read the title and reply to that. Baffling.

I'd be fine with it. During covid when I had to WFH I used to plonk mine in the living room with his toys and cbeebies all day and keep an eye on him with a baby cam. If he wanted anything he come up and see me, and obviously I'd check on him in person now and then, but he was quite content like this. All depends on the child and what you think they can manage.

As long as the external doors are locked he will be fine. Put it this way, you leave him upstairs for hours at a time and nothing happens to him.

This it's only the bath the older DC can't do. Get him upstairs to get PJ's on, clean his teeth and have stories. It can't take more than 20 mins to bath a DC surely.

Why isnt son joining the bath routine????? Couldn't you read a book to him while toddler watches ( falls asleep) . Where would we be without the I pad.

Yes, leaving a four-year-old is fine, I used to leave mine when I had a baby to settle. But a 2-year-old doesn't need a bath every day either , appreciate it might be part of a routine?! So you could limit that and then it's not an hour out of your evening and away from the 4-year-old every day.

OP, to answer your actual question, if he’s happy, it’s fine. Sometimes I think other people have a hard time understanding some kids DON’T need to be glued to a parent all the time and aren’t inclined to get into everything. My DC has happily played alone for literally hours (like we have to drag her out of her room for food) since at least that age. Like yours, she would tip all her toys out but has never shown the slightest inclination to get into the toilet/medicine/chemicals. She had a brief period of going outside but childproof locks on the door sorted it. My DC relishes “private time”, ie, quiet time to herself.

You know your DC and if he isn’t complaining, seems great!

But if her DC is happy by himself and the routine isn’t a problem for OP, why should she have to have both kids together??? Seriously.

You should consider reading Anxious Generation and if you’re worried about content then get rid of your streaming service rather than coddling your NINE year old FGS.

Bath baby less too. Only needs a bath 2-3 times a week

That's fine! I think it was around that age mine started waking up and going downstairs to watch TV in the morning while I slowly woke myself up with a cup of tea in bed! He mustv've been down there about an hour. It's ok I'd say?

Why?

Have you tried removing dairy? My granddaughter's eczema is so much better without it.

On subject of eczema, mine had it since baby.
We gave him bath pretty much every day (tepid water with no products) mostly because he was always covered in mud or dirt.
Tried no washing for a few days but didn't make much difference.
Eventually worked out that rolling around in grass in short sleeve/clothes did it, so avoid wearing those when out.
Also know that hard water is bad for eczema as his skin gets really good abroad, but bad in uk.
It is such frustrating condition.

Have you got a tv in your bedroom he can access the programme through so he can be upstairs instead.

My 4 year old would go downstairs in the morning but the older one was usually around aswell.

Christ are people really bathing their kids every night 😳 id dread to see our water bill if we did this! 3 or 4 times a week for mine, really not sure why everyday is necessary unless they're covered in mud everyday. OP of course you can leave a 4yo alone for an hour, just shout down to him a few times to make sure hes ok. Nip down to him between bath and book time. The worlds gone mad!